Sciencewomen

Rash confession made too late at night.

i-f875c0b07d9b3cb6229668554781b35a-alice.jpgYou know, maybe it’s just because it is 11:30 at night and I have another hour to wait to pick up my husband from the airport shuttle place, but…

… there are some days I wish I was still pseudonymous.

‘Cause then I could tell you just how tired I am, how even though I had a lot of good meetings today, I am feeling SO COMPLETELY over my head. How much I worry about failure. How much I feel like I have to squish aside and hide the crazy-cool me in order to be Dr. Me at work who is supposed to know everything already, how much I feel I’m being sucked into being in crisis-busy mode all the time so that I have no space in my head to think about being me because I’m too worried about all the work I have to do. How I worry about how I’m guiding my students, ’cause they wouldn’t know my blog was me. But they do. Hi, students.

As I am not pseudonymous, I clearly won’t say such things.

There are good things about not being pseudonymous, too. As there are about being a faculty member.

But I’m too tired and my head is too full to share them at the moment. My blogging silence may continue for a while.*

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*With the exception of one final DonorsChoose results post (I’m just waiting for confirmation from one more person… If you donated, and have a yahoo-related email, check your spam for an email from me!)

Comments

  1. #1 Jenn
    November 12, 2008

    Hang in there Alice! I’m sure you’re doing a great job!

  2. #2 Lab Lemming
    November 12, 2008

    Science isn’t about knowing it all, Dr. Science is about knowing how to figure out what we don’t know.

    Engineering, on the other hand…

  3. #3 Marie
    November 12, 2008

    Hey Alice – Let’s figure out some way to actually really talk and support each other. I know what you mean, and the support of a strong community is really valuable in getting through. We need some net way to get together – even if we can’t have real lunch, maybe we can figure out a way to Skype once a month or something…..

  4. #4 Jr Prof
    November 12, 2008

    “how even though I had a lot of good meetings today, I am feeling SO COMPLETELY over my head. How much I worry about failure. How much I feel like I have to squish aside and hide the crazy-cool me in order to be Dr. Me at work who is supposed to know everything already, how much I feel I’m being sucked into being in crisis-busy mode all the time so that I have no space in my head to think about being me because I’m too worried about all the work I have to do.”

    I’m in my second year of a tenure-track job, too, and this is EXACTLY how I feel most days. I’m going to see a therapist (my first time) tomorrow–hopefully it will help me get a better perspective on things.

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