Two years ago, The Scientific Activist introduced the world to valinetines, scientifically-themed valentines named after the amino acid valine. Last year, I recycled the same valinetines from the first year, but today–on this Valentine’s Day 2008–I bring you all new material:
Your nuclear pore
Is far from a bore:
Let anyone in
And then beg for more.
But your active site
Is perfectly tight,
Evolved so it fits
My substrate just right.
Or, for the more biophysically inclined, here’s an NMR valinetine:
My NMR magnet
Is just inadequate
For globular domains
So impressively sized.
For tumble as they may,
It would take me all day
To obtain good spectra,
As I have fantasized.
Chemical exchange, fast,
RF blast after blast,
You make my nuclei
That’s about the best I can do, but fortunately there are some much more creative sciencey types out there. Here’s one from Jen Dulin, the visionary who first conceived of the valinetine:
My darling, my dear
You know it’s quite clear
My excitatory vesicles
Flood out when you’re near
You’ve got a new gal
And I do hope you please her
But babe, all this dopamine’s
Inducing a seizure
Erasing your memory’s
A bit of a pain
So I soothe my amygdala
With a little cocaine
Now my limbic system’s fucked
These bad habits, reinforced
I hope you marry the bitch
And end up divorced
Here’s one from my girlfriend, Meredith Clancy:
Such drama, such drama,
I have no need!
I’ve suffered a trauma,
and not from what I read.
This dyspnea’s got me breathy heavy,
and I don’t know what it’s the result of–
perhaps noncardiogenic edema,
or a little heart failure called love.
I’m in a state of shock–hypoxic–
from this valine-tine induced electrocution
The only cure? Your affection
(and some crystalloid and colloid infusion)
And another one:
I can’t compete with mechanisms,
signals, enzymes or pathways,
but I perceive this anaphylactic reaction
is in its late reactive phase.
This flushing blush, these watering eyes,
the result of severe vasodilation,
has jumbled my scientific mind
and ruined my concentration.
The histamine is flowing
from my head to my toe.
Give me some epinephrine
so my blood still can flow!
I find myself hypersensitive:
Type I, to be exact,
and chronic treatment’s necessitated,
so to you I’ll make this pact:
Since I know I’m not your first valine-tine
and, let’s face it, probably not your ultimate
At least I’ll be your best, darling,
And that’s no idle threat.
Yep, she’s a keeper!
I give you my heart on this Valentine’s Day
In a jar you can keep on your shelf,
With your books and your papers, in cluttered array,
Or a prominent place by itself.
It is really my heart–deep within every cell
Are the strands of my own DNA;
I could have just given you chocolates, but, well,
My message is clearer this way:
I love you much more than a card, or some flowers,
Or trinkets you see in the stores;
So it’s off to the lab for a few hundred hours,
And my heart–if you’ll take it–is yours.
And, finally, here’s a submission from Kristin Hugo:
Rutting season’s started and to you I now must say
I could smell your estrus odors up to six miles away.
Ignore me not, nor bugling call, come to my territory–
Where, with the other harem cows, come revel in my glory.
For you I’ll trash the sapling pines;
(I’ll do it with my antler tines)
I’ll spar with bulls, my Valentine,
And so, you see, you’ll soon be mine.
(For you I’d even start a wallow, but only if you swear to swallow)
How beautiful your tapetum that shine through bushes thorny;
Just flehmening your scent makes me feel so damn freaking horny.
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!