Weekend Diversion: Gimme Some Money!

Stop wastin’ my time.
You know what I want.
You know what I need,
or maybe you don’t.
Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?
Gimme some money!

My fellow Americans, are you impatient about getting your “stimulus package” from the government? First off, a lot of people are going to be getting $300 instead of $600; and I gotta now right now! So go here to have the IRS calculate how much money you’re getting first.

Then, you’ll probably want to know when you’re going to get your money! This is important stuff, people; we rarely get benefits just for being working Americans, but this is one of them, and I’m not complaining. I get $600 May 9th. (Whoo-hoo!)

Still, if they wanted to stimulate spending and therefore the economy, I don’t know why they didn’t do something like give people use-it-or-lose-it debit cards instead of a rebate check? Because, you know, then you’re guaranteed that people will actually spend their money and, you know, stimulate the economy. Because people are more likely to spend on frivolities with debit cards, according to — what’s that thing — research! But like I said, I’ve got no room to complain, as long as you… gimme some money!


  1. #1 Brian
    April 29, 2008

    How do you know the date that you’ll get your rebate?

    Regarding the debit/credit card idea, it’s interesting, but I don’t see how it’s much better than just getting a check. After all, one can choose to apply the card to pay off loans, bills, or other non-commercial types of expenditures.

  2. #2 ethan
    April 29, 2008

    Click on the link that says “when you’re going to get your money.”
    It isn’t better for reasonable people like you, Brian. But the study we have to go off of is what people did when they were issued $2000 debit cards from FEMA after Hurricane Katrina. They went out and bought luxury items, including handbags and breast implants (no joke)! And these were people who were starving and in desperate need of medical care. I’m telling you, the research backs this up.

  3. #3 Brian
    April 29, 2008

    I guess people will give into greed no matter what the circumstances are.

    “Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”
    -Dark Helmet

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