Weekend Diversion: Is Your School Prepared for H1N1 Zombies?!

Posted by Ethan on October 10, 2009
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There’s nothing quite like a Bob Dylan song performed to perfection by someone other than Bob Dylan. All Along the Watchtower and Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door are the most common ones, but a little further off the beaten path is Girl from the North Country, which is knocked out-of-the-park here by Sam Bush.

Now, the college I’m at has issued warnings about the symptoms of both swine and regular flu, and what to do in case of infection. But they’ve said nothing about that disease that turns you into a zombie.

Thankfully, the University of Florida has come to the rescue, outlining a six-page procedure for how to respond to a Zombie Attack.

In addition to a little bit of basic strategy:

The document details response plans, the appropriate Human Resources response of terminating the employee’s salary upon zombification, and what action items need to take place:

  • Equip all staff offices with “blackout curtains” to prevent identifying worker locations to zombies;
  • Equip all offices with easily barricaded doors able to withstand prolonged zombie incursion attempts;
  • Equip staff with laptops and ensure IPCC software is installed, tested, and working for staff who may find commuting to work to be difficult;
  • Equip all staff with long range (e.g. rifles) and short range (e.g. hand guns) firearms or other weaponry (e.g. chain saws, baseball bats, LPs) for defense against the infected and to dispatch possibly infected co-workers.

But the best parts come at the end. There’s page five, which is a form to fill out concerning whom you killed, with what, and why you thought they were a zombie. (This is funnier in light of an actual Florida law that was passed a few years ago that allows you to kill someone simply because “you feel threatened”.)

And on the very last page, we have the identifying mark of a UF document: the obvious typo. Yes, even with a zombie attack imminent, spellcheck is never an option:

If you like zombie humor, the ‘official’ UF document is good for a laugh, and who couldn’t use one of those this weekend? Enjoy!

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Comments

  1. #1 David
    October 10, 2009

    I prefer the Pete Townshend version, on the “Maryland Academy Benefit” album.

  2. #2 dean
    October 10, 2009

    I too like Bush’s Girl from the North Country, almost more for the music than the vocals.

    Anyone like Warren Zevon’s take on Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door?

  3. #3 ddw
    October 10, 2009

    i personally like the black crows version. fantastic. would love to share it.

  4. #4 Leukocyte
    October 10, 2009

    Still prefer Dylan’s own remake from Nashville Skyline ft. Johnny Cash.

  5. #5 Joe
    October 12, 2009

    As a lawyer, I feel compelled to point out that Florida passed no law allowing you to shoot because you “feel threatened.” The threat needed stayed the same – you need to reasonably believe that deadly force is needed to prevent someone from being killed or seriously injured.

    What the law did was eliminate your duty to retreat – in other words, it used to be that if you could safely escape without killing the guy, you had to do so.

  6. #6 Waydude
    October 12, 2009

    Why can’t we embiggen anything by clicking on it?

  7. #7 Trisha
    October 12, 2009

    Yeah – I’d like to see a bigger image of poster above, I can’t read the small text.

  8. #8 Ethan Siegel
    October 12, 2009

    I have to help out here…

    http://9gag.com/photo/7307_full.jpg

  9. #9 Richard
    October 12, 2009

    AWESOME!!! Go Gatorsss!!

  10. #10 stacey fenster
    March 9, 2010

    i have watched way to manyyyyy zombie movies and now i have an irrational fear of zombies :o