“It’s Doctor Evil. I didn’t spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called ‘mister,’ thank you very much.” -Dr. Evil
This weekend, I’d like to start by introducing you to the sounds of Galactic Funk, a group whose cosmically epic name is surpassed by their novel, entrancing sound, as highlighted by this week’s song,
Personally, I always introduce myself as “Ethan,” and though sometimes people call me “Doctor” or “Professor,” I wouldn’t dream of demanding that anyone do so. But then again, I’m not this guy…
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Wright State University Professor of Computer Science, Travis E.W. Doom.
Or, as you’d better call him, DOCTOR DOOM!
You might wonder if someone with a Ph.D., whose last name is Doom, would try to avoid the association altogether. You might wonder if such a person would be sick of those shenanigans.
Quite to the contrary, the good doctor embraces the title with an enthusiasm that I cannot help but admire. Have a look for yourself; there are somehow only 238 people who’ve visited his personal webpage.
I have, unfortunately, never met Dr. Doom, but if he can be judged by his emails… well, better just let you have a look for yourself. (Reproduced from here, without permission, as always.)
Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2003 15:40:11 -0400
From: “Dr. Travis Doom”
To: Choya Davis
Subject: Re: Query
On Tue, Aug 05, 2003 at 11:59:07AM -0700, Choya Davis wrote:
> What’s it like to go through life on a daily basis with the name
> “Dr. Doom”? I mean, do you feel pressured to live up to a name like
Absolutely. In fact, it is entirely possible that the _only_ reason that
I went on to graduate school and achieved a doctorate was due to a decision
that I made in high school. I knew then that it was a moral imperative to
become Dr. Doom. Anything less would be a disservice to the name to which
I was born.
> Have you ever actually done anything diabolical?
Absolutely. I am, after all, a university professor.
> Do you have an arch-enemy? If so, how do you deal with constant
> thwarting? Doesn’t being thwarted get wearisome ?
Unfortunately, I have no rivals suited to arch-enemy status. I do have
a nemesis (www.wright.edy/~michael.raymer), but he has not yet proved
worthy to be promoted arch-nemesis, let alone arch-enemy. The only
thing that grows wearisome is the ease with which my plots succeed. I
long for a rival competent to clearly understand the perfection of my
> Did you have to develop a melodramatic style of speech a la “They
> thought I was mad…but soon the world will be mine and all will kneel
> before the genius of Dr. DOOM!”
Not at all. Firstly, I do _not_ speak melodramaticaly. I speak in
declamations! It is simply a matter of clarity! To speak otherwise
would confuse my audience, for they cannot understand the fullness of
> What kind of mind-bending technology do you have hidden in your vile
> sanctum of villainy? A time machine? Ready-to-launch Orbital
> Mind Control Lasers? A deutronic frombotzer?
Well, mostly I use MS power point. You might believe that a power-point
presentation is not unspeakably vile. I challenge to you attend one
of my lectures! With the advent of distance learning, soon I will be
able to touch the minds of millions from my office lair!
> And finally, do you have any toadying henchmen, that, through their
> ineptitude, constantly foil your nefarious plans for world-domination?
Of course. I have about dozen graduate and undergraduate students under
my constant guidance.
> Do you have any internships available? I dont have much henching
> experience, but you’ll find me a quick study, and I just know I could
> grovel before the awesome might and power of Doom like none other.
Unfortunately, I don’t accept just anyone. After you have proven yourself,
let me know. I’m always on the lookout for good talent.
> would just be too cool to utter: “Yes evil master!”, and after you
> conquer this undeserving mudball of a planet, could I have Australia?
Unfortunately, Australia is already promised to the Koalas. Oh come on,
you don’t think that they are that cute on _accident_, do you?
> your loyal servant,
> choya davis
Dr. Travis E. Doom email: email@example.com
Dept. of Computer Sci/Eng. http://www.wright.edu/~travis.doom
Wright State University Tel: (937) 775-5105
If you didn’t die laughing when you read the MS Powerpoint reference, I don’t think I know how to help you. For more, go read the other emails. Travis Doom, my hats off to you; I wouldn’t dream of calling you anything other than “Doctor.”
In any case, have a great rest-of-your-weekend, and for the Futurama fans out there who’ve been thinking it the whole time…