Stranger Fruit

You’re not really trying, are you?

The 2007 BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America has appeared. #9 is sadly on the money.

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism — it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’ children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques." You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.

2005 saw the Discovery Institute’s Bruce Chapman make an appearance – it’s a mark of ID’s steady decline since Kitzmiller v. Dover that it merits not a mention this year.

Comments

  1. #1 SabrinaW
    December 28, 2007

    Great list! And perhaps it is my cynicism talking, but since we are ostensibly a democracy, I’d accept “You” as the #1. We deserve it.

  2. #2 Abel Pharmboy
    December 28, 2007

    Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover.

    It’s already happening and bound to spread if we all don’t start paying attention.

    btw, the BEAST writers are amazing talents – readers owe it to themselves to read the whole list.

  3. #3 John Mashey
    December 28, 2007

    It’s been discussed elsewhere, but I’d add to #9:

    The Dunning-Kruger Effect applies strongly to you.

    See:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning-Kruger_effect

    It also applies to others, like certain lords and endocrinologists…

  4. #4 Mike Stahl
    December 31, 2007

    I think those were some pretty good picks. I had to google the Tv personalities and am reminded why I watch so little of that medium. I thought #9 was close to snarky but do agree we have only ourselves to blame.

    #1 and #2 were exactly placed where I would have placed them.

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