Terra Sigillata

I am not worthy

[Sort of a repost from the last three years, updated appropriately - APB]

Seven years ago at 11:24 am EDT (1524 GMT), your humble blogger was handed the keys to a whole new vocabulary of love.

The gift came in the form of a 7 lb 13 oz (3,544 gm), 20.5 inch (52 cm) bundle of drooling, peeing, meconium-pooping bundle of baby girl, yanked from an incision in PharmGirl’s abdomen.

The lessons of compassion and unconditional love I have been taught by these two women have comprised the most formative experiences of my life.

In return, PharmGirl has suffered tremendous indignities on my behalf: the necessary biological machinations required to mix haploid DNA following our post-9/11 sorrow gave way to fatigue and sickness that all but ruined our previously-planned vacations to Mexico and Key West.

Even the positive pee stick that greeted us on Christmas morning, 2001, could not make up for the suffering that lie ahead during weeks 25-38 of gestation in the unforgiving North Carolina summer heat. Not to mention her having to resubmit NIH grant applications, deal with the academic patriarchy, and care for family members and cancer patients of her own, all the while.

Perhaps the worst, however, was immediately following this nine months of constant discomfort: post C-section complications and the unanticipated loss of 1400 mL of blood that required twice-daily massage of her abdomen and uterus that had only been sliced open 24-48 hours earlier. Her collegiate athletic career could not provide adequate preparation for the pain I witnessed.

Gents, we men are not man enough to be women.

And my dear daughter, who must now be known to the blogosphere as PharmKid given her transition into second grade this past month – the one who proudly calls me Daddy – the one who wanted to go see Jeff Tweedy play a few summers ago because, “he seems like a good daddy, too.”

This year, we seem to be more into Taylor Swift, Katie Perry, Demi Lovato, Miranda Cosgrove, and the Jonas Brothers. However, I keep playing Marley, Coltrane, and Monk in the car – to keep laying the foundation.

I have never ever loved anyone or anything more than this girl. More surprisingly, to me at least, I had never known I was even capable of such a depth of emotion.

So, perhaps, just for today, I will put aside thoughts of my worthiness and just enjoy the gifts.

Happy Birthday….and thank you my sweet peas.

Comments

  1. #1 rutty
    August 27, 2009

    Happy birthday Pharmkid!

    It just so happens that I’m only a couple of weeks away from producing my own offspring. I am in awe of my wife, who continues to be amazing. I would be on the floor if all this happened to me.

    Looking forward to our little girl (90% probability, so they tell us) who will be called Ruby :)

  2. #2 Anjou n Erleichda
    August 27, 2009

    Happy Birthday from PA to Pharmkid!!!

  3. #3 Ítalo M. R. Guedes
    August 27, 2009

    Dear Pharmboy,
    As I said before, I completely sympathize with your words, since I’m the father of two and could not even imagine the great reward of having kids before they were born. I’d also like to congratulate you for the outstanding quality of your blog, one of the few daily reads of mine for the last three years. Happy birthday to your kid from Brazil.

  4. #4 ScienceWoman
    August 28, 2009

    Happy Belated Birthday, PharmKid!

  5. #5 scribbler50
    August 30, 2009

    “Gents, we men are not man enough to be women.” Brilliant line, Sir, and oh so true! Also a beautiful post, Abel, but that is the norm for you. Happy Birthday to PharmKid.

  6. #6 Candid Engineer
    September 3, 2009

    You are a sweet man, Abel.

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