The cool kids are wondering what happens when you:

  1. Take out your iPod (or Zune, I guess…really, who buys a Zune?)
  2. Press shuffle songs.
  3. Answer the following: a) How many songs before you come to one that would absolutely disqualify you from being President? b) What is that song?

After a random intro from the album
Words that Shook the World, I got:

When A Man Loves A Woman” by Percy Sledge from the album The Best of Percy Sledge (1989, 2:55).

Which I think is politically survivable, provided I wasn’t fighting allegations of sexual improprieties. Then comes “Bamgufya Ba Kwoti” by John Lushi from the album Africa Dances (2:51).

At this point, I’d be accused simultaneously of being an elitist world-music-loving dick, and of being a s3kr1t Muslim, and could never be president.

After that, I had Vivaldi’s “Concerto in F major for 2 Horns – III. Allegro non molto” from the album Brass — 3 Centuries of Golden Sounds (4:18).

I think that’d reinforce the elitist thing, but would be harmless politically. Not so with “Here Without You” by The Byrds from the album Mr Tambourine Man (1965, 2:38). Mixed with the Percy Sledge, there’s a potential infidelity theme in my random music, and voters would get concerned about it.

Then I got another random bit of world music with crappy metadata. The repeated world-music-wanker theme would combine with questions about the legality of how I obtained the song to sink my presidential ambitions. If it didn’t I think I’d be done in by the sexual innuendo of “Just a Little Heat” by The Black Keys from the album Magic Potion (2006, 3:42), or these lyrics from “Karen Revisited” by Sonic Youth from the album Murray Street (2002, 11:10).

She takes a plastic pill
She plays the weatherman
She screams “Religion kills
More than it saves you, man”
She painted filigrees
She was the acid queen
She claims society
Is just a fever dream

What songs would disqualify you?


  1. #1 Algerine
    June 30, 2008

    Dang, I just reloaded my player too (a Sansa if anyone cares). Thinking of what i just had on it, I’d have to go with “Freaks in Uniform” by the Horrorpops. It has absolutely nothing to do with the military but hey, that never stopped anything, right?

  2. #2 megan
    June 30, 2008

    I’m a cheapass who doesn’t own an MP3 player, so we’ll go with the shuffle on my itunes:

    1st – The Waitress by Tori Amos. I don’t think that’s a disqualifier. But I’d lose all the pro-military folks, since it’s all about wanting to kill someone, but not being able to because you love peace.

    2nd – Somebody put something in my drink by The Ramones. The anti-drug folks will love me.

    3rd – Galvanize by The Chemical Brothers. No problem.

    4th – What Lucy Found There by Sherwood. Sweet kiddy pop, I’m gonna be president!

    5th – Girl/Boy by Aphex Twin. This Electronic Stuff probably sounds like devil music.

    6th – In the Wee Hours by Junior Wells. Dirty love-makin’ music from the way back. I’m definitely on my way out of the white house now.

    7th – 9th & Hennepin by Tom Waits. Everyone is looking at me weird.

    8th – All Things by Cinematic Orchestra.

    9th – Kiss Off by the Violent Femmes. And we’re out. Off to make cheese in a small village in New Hampshire.

  3. #3 Albatrossity
    July 1, 2008

    Dang. First one!

    Beautiful Enemy by Dar Williams.

    Fabulous song from a fabulous album (My Better Self), and the only song I know of that has a rhyme using the word “hegemony”.

  4. #4 pal_sch
    July 3, 2008

    First song;

    Jezebel by Acid Bath.

    I don’t think I can play this game. One more try;

    Commemorative 9/11 T-Shirt by Oceansize

    Sod it.

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