The Cheerful Oncologist

Since I know I'm not the only poor soul swamped with post-Thanksgiving chores and Rodin-like cogitations I offer some brief headlines for perusal by those interested in the status of health on Mothership Earth.

Smokers At Greater Risk of Alcohol-Use Disorders

Adolescent smokers appear to have a greater vulnerability to developing alcohol-use disorders. Results indicate that smoking "primes" the brain for subsequent addiction to alcohol and possibly other drugs. Both academic studies and casual observation support the view that smokers tend to drink, and drinkers tend to smoke. New research using nationally representative data from the U.S. finds that smokers - particularly adolescent smokers - clearly have a greater vulnerability to alcohol-use disorders (AUDs).

Could there be any more rewarding career than successfully convincing adolescents not to smoke? Notice I didn't say 'counseling' teens about smoking. There's a huge difference between giving a lecture to an auditorium full of bored smirking rebels sans causes and actually getting the message through their thick calvaria that the ingredients in cigarettes are deadly. Sigh...

Chemo tied to temporary shrinking of brain: study

In the latest study, published in Monday's issue of the journal Cancer, Dr. Masatoshi Inagaki at the National Cancer Centre Hospital East in Chiba and his colleagues used MRIs to compare brain structures in 51 cancer survivors who received chemotherapy to 54 who did not. The experiment was repeated for 132 cancer survivors who had cancer surgery less than a year earlier. Of this group, 73 received chemo and the rest did not. Within a year of surgery, sections of the brain involved in cognition -- such as concentration, multitasking and memory -- were smaller in the women who received chemotherapy than in those who didn't, the researchers said.

Let this be a lesson to myself and anyone else who comes into contact with someone either on chemotherapy or who has received it in the past year: give them a break, okay? Remember this, that the brain reacts with anger to being subjected to chemotherapy and tells certain areas to retract like a turtle popping into its shell. The good news is that three years later the affected regions return to their normal size, presumably to the benefit of the patient's mental skills. Having never taken chemotherapy, I am still waiting for researchers to discover the cause behind my own diminishing talents.

Bacon tied to greater bladder cancer risk

Dr. Dominique S. Michaud of the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston and her colleagues found that people who ate bacon five times a week or more were nearly 60-percent more likely to develop bladder cancer.

Ouch! That's really hitting below the belt. Please don't tell me they're going to take away my beloved bacon! What's next - skinless, boneless sweet lil' ol' chicken breasts?

People who ate bacon and other processed meats frequently were also more likely to smoke and to take in more fat and fewer vitamins, the researchers found. They were also less likely to exercise.

Oh, well, that explains that - these bacon chompers are simply smoking couch potatoes [Editor's note: is the couch smoking because he's roasting a potato on it?] Time to shun the bacon cooler at the local grocers and head straight for the frozen chicken...

Men and women who ate chicken this often were 52-percent more likely to develop bladder cancer than those who never ate skinless chicken. Compared with skinless chicken, cooked chicken with skin is known to contain a smaller amount of heterocyclic amines, carcinogenic compounds that form when meat is cooked at high temperatures, the researchers note.

Bacco, tabacco e Venere riducono l'uomo in cenere, but skinless chicken? Ma'donn, I'm going to stop reading these health reports before they take away the last of my vices - Arreviderci!