The Cheerful Oncologist

We live in exciting times, and not just because David Hasselhoff is back on prime-time television. GlaxoSmithKline has just announced it is developing five new agents to fight cancer and expects to have them introduced within three years. A story like this has the same effect on oncologists as an unguarded steak does on the family Labrador. I shall try not to salivate as I type this, but it is difficult to contain elation when a deep-pocketed industry giant confesses a craven craving to attack the same disease one has been toiling against for so many years.

The drugs will treat a range of different cancers, including cancer of the cervix, the company said in a statement. The new treatments are cervarix, pazopanib, promacta, rezonic and ofatumumab.

Whoa! Hold on there, bub - what did you just call me? Oh, those are the names of the new drugs! Please forgive me if I take a pass on attempting to pronounce them, lest I be mistaken by passersby as a conjurer summoning forth the ghost of Mahmud of Ghazni.

I may stumble over their names, but I can tell you what these drugs do to little tumors who misbehave and try to grow bigger than, say, a snotty little street gang of 10,000 cells.

Cervarix is GSK's version of the vaccine against type 16 and type 18 human papillomavirus, which are the two types associated with a majority of HPV-related cervical cancers. This treatment is given to girls and teens to prevent cervical cancer, not treat it. Wikipedia is as good as any other place to read more.

Pazopanib, or GW654652, is an oral, second-generation multi-targeted tyrosine kinase receptor inhibitor that targets "vascular endothelial growth factor receptor (VEGFR), platelet-derived growth factor receptor (PDGFR) and c-kit, important proteins in the angiogenic process. Angiogenesis, which is the growth of new blood vessels in the body, plays a critical role in the growth and spread of tumors." It is being tested against renal cell carcinoma and ovarian cancer.

Promacta is the brand name for the oral thrombopoietin receptor agonist eltrombopag (go ahead and try to say that without sounding like a Cuban bandleader). It is being studied as a platelet growth factor in ITP, or immune thromobcytopenic purpura.

Rezonic is the brand name for casopitant, an oral drug that centrifugally conglomerates the affected pachydermal nostrums of Arcadia and - oh forget it; even I can't explain what it does. Here, read this:

Casopitant is the mesylate salt of a centrally-acting neurokinin 1 (NK1) receptor antagonist with antidepressant and antiemetic activities. Casopitant competitively binds to and blocks the activity of the NK1 receptor, thereby inhibiting NK1-receptor binding of the endogenous tachykinin neuropeptide substance P (SP), which may result in antiemetic effects. SP is found in neurons of vagal afferent fibers innervating the brain-stem nucleus tractus solitarii and the area postrema, which contains the chemoreceptor trigger zone (CTZ), and may be elevated in response to chemotherapy.

In other words, it's a new anti-throw-up medicine for patients on highly emetogenic chemotherapy, or very brave ferrets.

Last, but not least, is ofatumumab (reminds me of the hula dancer at Uncle Louie's luau), a fully human monoclonal antibody against the CD-20 antigen, which is found on B-lymphocytes and certain malignancies such as lymphoma. We already use a chimeric anti-CD-20 monoclonal antibody in clinical practice, namely rituximab. Whether this product turns out to be superior to rituximab in terms of safety and efficacy will take years to prove. Ofatumumab (try saying that three times quickly in front of your mother) is also being studied in rheumatoid arthritis.

Yes, the times are getting tingly in the field of cancer research, even if three of these products are just variations on agents already on the market. And now, if you will excuse me, I am going to take a 2-hydroxypropane- 1,2,3-tricarboxylic acid N-(4-hydroxyphenyl)ethanamide NaHCO3 and relax.