A joke I heard over the beebs as I was driving today. I paraphrase.
An old lady was talking to a friend.
The Friend: "You seem quite happy and in good shape. What's the secret?"
Old Lady: "I have two packs of cigarette everyday. Drink a bottle of whiskey every week and gorge on fatty food all year."
The Friend: "My! That's something! How old are you?"
Old Lady: "26".
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That reminds me of the old Soviet-era joke about the world's oldest man. He lived down in Georgia, and when the BBC heard he was 110 they sent a reporter to talk to him (yes, but it's a joke). The reporter finally got to the little village and found the house, and when he knocked on the door an ancient little man answered. The conversation went like this:
Reporter: Is it true you're 110?
Man: It is - last month.
Rep: Wow... To what do you attribute your longevity?
Man: This is simple. I eat yogurt every day. Also, I have never smoked or drunk any alcohol - not even beer. And I am a pure vegetarian - not even fish. Also, I go to bed when the sun sets, every day, and rise when the sun does. I never married - I conserve my strength. And I work hard, even now I have a job.
All during this last speech, the noise of partying has been interrupting them. Someone in the upstairs apartment was having a great deal of fun. The old man has been glaring up at his ceiling, and he stresses the word "I" in "I have a job" and hits the ceiling with his cane. The reporter, taking notes and wondering if he would even want to live like that for one year, let alone 110 of them, finally asks, "Do your neighbors bother you all the time?"
"Neighbors, hell," says the old man. "That's my twin brother. Whiskey, women, cigars and food all the time, day and night..."