His tailiness, protruding jawliness, Lord Hanuman needs your help

Lord hanuman needs your help. Here's the list of pleas that I received from his tailiness.
1. Ganesha is a fat bugger. Send the damned milk my way.
2. Anyone without a tail must wear one.
3. Don't eat the banana in front of me, you insensitive clod!
4. Send all your money to the blogger called Selvakumar Ganesan.
5. When you are inside my shrine, plug it. I have had enough from farting devotees. My nose hurts.

Dear Hanuman is crying for god's sake! Won't someone help console him... if not the others, atleast the fourth plea... May his tailiness be with you all.

(thanks Sunil)