The Scientific Indian

Do gods have arseholes?

What a tasteless and offensive question, you think. Let me correct that misunderstanding. Don’t look upon arseholes as second-class organs. If you did not have one, you’ll be full of shit. If gods don’t have the hole, boy, then they surely have accumulated all the crap since the beginning of time. If they do have the hole, well, then they are no different from us, are they?

Whenever gods take form, we don’t consider it necessary to discuss their bowel movement and certainly won’t depict them wearing their arseholes proudly. Why? It’s unimportant, you say, there are more pressing matters for god and us. Hold on there. It is quite important for me to know if gods are full of shit. Besides, wouldn’t god like the followers to be honest and sincere? When they let him have arms, legs, eyes and ears, why not the arsehole? Why the dishonesty? Why the selective look at reality?

Whatever god is, it is the first alien we seem to have invented, thoroughly limited by our imagination. And since the original idea was so hideous, we’ve covered it up with a lot of glitter.

You are a Pagan, someone yells. I hear you. Yes, I am, and more.

Ramya, my wife, says I assumed that gods eat when I said they stock up on eternal crap. Since, we are all assuming things here, I say let’s assume gods eat, a lot (there’s scripture to back me up here). It’s therapeutic for me to know that gods are full of crap.

Comments

  1. #1 humorix
    February 24, 2009

    Because when the man created the gods he(it) forgot that he could also shit there.

    Ha-ha-ha !

  2. #2 Sam C
    February 24, 2009

    Of course gods have arseholes. Ask the Discovery Institute. No, don’t ask them, just look at them.

  3. #3 Dunc
    February 24, 2009

    Whenever gods take form, we don’t consider it necessary to discuss their bowel movement and certainly won’t depict them wearing their arseholes proudly.

    In the currently-dominant cultural paradigms, perhaps. There is no shortage of creation myths in which the creator god creates the world by defecating.

  4. #4 reboho
    February 24, 2009

    yes, aka followers; they spew the excrement verbally……

  5. #5 Nitwit Nastik
    February 24, 2009

    Great Question Selva..there’s still some debate amongst the scientific and ID community whether evolution by natural selection was responsible for it or whether God appeared directly with it…in any case God IS full of crap…LOL!!

  6. #6 Sachbol
    February 24, 2009

    Islamic tradition tells us that Allah taught Prophet Muhammad(PBUH) how to wipe himself after the call of nature.
    This is sure proof that God must have the knowledge and experience of this particular function. This is another proof of the superiority of islam over kuffar religion.

  7. #7 Ashutosh
    February 24, 2009

    Arseholes certainly are an example of (un)intelligent design. Hail the supergods who created gods.

  8. #8 deva
    February 24, 2009

    Well, we are what came out of that hole!! So you know whey we as a species stink!

  9. #9 litterateuse
    February 24, 2009

    Couldn’t have said it better.

    -gauri

  10. #10 Art
    February 24, 2009

    Interesting walk along the line of mortal-immortal. IMHO the mortal fallible beings are far more interesting.

    Imagine a burning building with a kid trapped inside. God, or Superman, shows up kicks in the door, calmly walks through the ineffectual flames and smoke and emerges with the kid on their shoulder.

    Now imaging a passing unemployed garbage man shows up instead. He risks his sanity and emotional health getting involved. He batters down the door and risks dislocating his shoulder. He presses on through the smoke that blinds and threatens to kill him. He struggles around flames that burn but, in the end, he gets the kid out.

    Which one is the real hero.

    Which highlights one of my problems with the Jesus story. HE was supposed to be fully human so he can empathize with our pain. But he performs miracles. And when the time came to pay the reaper, real death, forever. He gets a divine get-out-of-jail-free card.

    Nobody else get on of those. Heroism and stoic resolve in the face of long odds is a hell of a lot easier when you have one of those in your hip pocket.

    Point being that we are not perfect, we justifiably fear pain and death and suffering. We pretty much screw up everything the first time. But we learn, we adapt, and in the end it is truly remarkable how much we get mostly right considering the burdens we struggle under.

    The problem with the idea of God is that it sets an unrealistic standard. A standard that denies credit for how good your average person really is. One that fails to give us credit for how far and how fast we have progressed. Yes, we stumble and fall, sometime go backward, but as a species we always get back up. It is important to have ideals and goals. But your not going to get anywhere if all you can countenance is absolute mathematical perfection.

    The idea of God, and God’s perfection, keeps us from appreciating it when we make progress and get it mostly right.

  11. #11 Hindu Atheist
    February 24, 2009

    My comment either fell through the cracks (!!) or got moderated. Was it wrong to say that theists might consider this question juvenile? Just wondering.

  12. #12 Fly, You Fool Comics
    February 25, 2009

    Umm… I dont know how to start this. This is weird. REAL weird. Today morning the same question popped into my head. OK slightly different. The question was Does God have Balls?

    I mean, like real balls. Since most of the Gods are in Human (mostly male) form, it makes sense. HE probably does have them. But then why? What’s the use? Then the second question was does god take a dump? And then… WHERE DOES HE TAKE A DUMP?? Holy Shit!

    So it’s really strange that I appear on the net, and in Desipundit’s feed is the question ” Do Gods have assholes!”. Coincidence?

    That’s like too wild a chance to be a coincidence. Seriously, I’m not kidding. This question never appeared to me before and I had not read your blog. I saw a half torn bumper sticker on a car this morning, and there was something about God, and some incomplete text below saying “… use & balls”. No idea what the original text was, so it got me thinking.

    Then this blog post came across on Desipundit. It’s really freaking me out now. Is this a sign from God? Because if it is, I wish HE had a better way of contacting me. I mean, what do I preach now?

    Damn…

  13. #13 Dilip Muralidaran
    February 25, 2009

    Nice read. I’m surprised i dont find any theists offended by this article and yelling “You shall burn in hell!”. Very strange, very…. :-S

  14. #14 selva
    February 25, 2009

    Hindu Atheist, comments are published right away. I may remove some later if they are irrelevant. I don’t see the comment you mention in the system. Perhaps, your submission didn’t go through the Intertubes.

    On the question: regardless of whether one is a theist or not, the post is meant to satirize the absurdity of beliefs that are dishonest. An old and well known problem with faith.

  15. #15 Which Main? What Cross?
    February 25, 2009

    ROTFL

  16. #16 heather
    February 25, 2009

    Good point. What about a navel? Do gods have navels?

  17. #17 Assman
    February 26, 2009

    Of course gods have aresholes, where do you think the shit that theists speak comes from?

  18. #18 mads
    February 26, 2009

    Hey wait!
    i have a theory.
    gods just have a different system of excretion.
    i mean hands, legs, human body and all is fine.
    but there’s gotta be some difference, right?
    whatever they eat straight undergoes lysis and is converted into energy.
    This is the energy that non-stop powers that everlasting halo around them.
    ha!
    Now talk, selva.
    u wanna challenge the existence of god with ludicrous questions, we got equally ludicrous answers.

  19. #19 axw11
    February 26, 2009

    Ha..Ha..ha…

    btw, have you read God’s Debris by Scott Adams….if not just google and you can get a pdf….treads to walk on these lines….

  20. #20 Akshay S Dinesh
    February 27, 2009


    I am an atheist.
    But I don’t just smack the brains of people who told God does exist,
    but I talk with people who tell what God is and read Vivekananda, Gandhi, etc.

    And from that experience, (hope there is a rational community out there) let me say.
    God is not a person. The whole world is making a mistake when thinking about God as a person.

    And I should say, a personal God doesn’t exist at all.

    Then what is God?
    I thought God was an imaginary character created for people to seek confidence and hope for the best.

    But what Vivekananda tells is that (according to advaita)
    Every being is not just his mind and body. i.e., I am not my body. And I am not my mind. Then what am I? I am my ‘atman ‘(consciousness, self or soul -no exact wording)

    It is this atman that powers every life. It has infinite powers, only that it should be let out.

    Now, when there is true love in us, this atman dissolves with the infinite atman lying around us. And then we are conscious of everything and there is absolute bliss.

    I know it is a bit absurd. But, it is what the advaidists say. And they say that this infinite atman, infinite consciousness, is what is called God and that He is not the Creator like some believe.
    He doesn’t exist. But He does exist. Can He?

  21. #21 Selva
    March 4, 2009

    Akshay, I take it that you are thinking aloud. Advaitha is a nuanced philosophy that goes beyond peddling ‘personal gods’. However, as any philosophy with a religious agenda, it has its limitations – regardless of how well a charismatic person like Vivekananda would want you to believe. If I were you, I’d ask on what basis Vivekananda makes his claim. I am much older than you and was not as inquisitive as yourself when I was your age. Keep going.

    regards, selva.

  22. #22 Heraclides
    March 9, 2009

    It’s therapeutic for me to know that gods are full of crap.

    Me too. I just wish someone could convince a “gentleman” from your former country who goes by the name of “Dr. Johnson C Philip” that. (No offence to Indians, my own country has managed to export someone better known as “the banana man” who utterances are, well, dumb. It’s just that I’m starting to think the above “gentleman” is anally retentive in his own way. Mind you “debating” at any length with any creationist seems to bring that feeling on!)

  23. #23 Anya
    March 23, 2009

    Visiting the scian after more than an year …
    Why wouldn’t gods have arseholes? As you say there are scriptures to back up that gods ate … did you find scriptures which say gods lack arseholes? Why the postulation in the first place?

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