Thus Spake Zuska

Possessing, as I do, numerous credentials that allow me to pontificate in an authoritative fashion** upon the significance, meaning, and import of global warming, I, James S. Robbins, am here to tell you the truth.

Who gives a rat’s ass about global warming? We here in the U.S., and our neighbors in Canada, will be just fine, and really, who else counts? I mean, if you don’t care about massive species extinctions, and the disappearance of entire island nations, there’s really not a whole lot else to worry about. You lose a little shoreline here, you gain a little over there. We’ll bulid a massive seawall to protect Ground Zero in Manhattan. Noah had his little ark to to save all the deserving humans and animals. Our seawall will be the modern day equivalent, protecting us righteous Americans from the rising tide, along with whatever flora and fauna that can handle the steam bath. Just as God has planned for us.

And by God, if nature threatens to wreak havoc upon that seawall, I don’t know about you, but I’ll be resting comfortably knowing it was built by the Army Corps of Engineers. Even if it were to be breached, I know I can count on my local, state, and national governments to calmly handle any emergency situation, and FEMA will be there to help me recover in the aftermath.

So I say, crank up the thermostat and let the rain come on down!

**James S. Robbins teaches international relations at the National Defense University in Washington, DC. Robbins is a former Special Assistant in the Office of the Secretary of Defense, and frequent commentator on national security issues for The Wall Street Journal, National Review and other publications.

Comments

  1. #1 sciencewoman
    August 31, 2006

    Oh my. A few (marginally) different word choices and a different publication venue and I would have thought that I was reading an incredible piece of satire.

  2. #2 Elf Eye
    August 31, 2006

    I’m with you, Sciencewoman. I thought it HAD to be satire, so I clicked through to the site. Nope. Not satire. (Although he does employ sarcasm that is targeted at people who beleive that (a) global warming is occurring and (b) global warming may be harmful. As for his take, he figures that if global warming is occurring we ought to view it as an investment opportunity in the finest tradition of capitalistic entrepreneurship.