Reptilian Agenda


This just in from the NASA news wire: 11,000 light-years away from Earth, in the constellation Sagittarius, a massive galactic snake is slithering across the Universe. Of course, it isn’t a real lizard (the appellation is just some weird NASA Halloween humor) but the core of a sooty cloud larger than a dozen of our solar systems, which happens to be shaped sort of like a snake. Disappointing, I know; it would be nice, for once, to have something more interesting than dust, gas, and cold rocks bobbing around in the great beyond.

What if, maybe, outer space just isn’t where the action is? The human race has been glued the stars for centuries, eagerly seeking out radio bursts, blobs of light, and little green dudes; most of us feel the inevitability that if anything ever happens, it will come from the cosmos. This makes sense, of course: for all our textbooks about neutron stars and dark matter, we basically know diddlysquat about space, besides that it’s completely unlike anything we have down here.

In my daily research, I have recently come across a whole underworld of conspiracy theorists and alternative knowledge gurus who are convinced that outer space is so ten years ago. No no, they argue, in quest of the answer to the age-old question (Are We Alone?) we must not look to the outer reaches of the Universe, as we have been conditioned to do, but rather into the belly of our own seemingly benign planet. Space, they propose, is a ‘classic magician’s distraction.’ The real higher intelligence ain’t sending flying saucers from Zeta Reticuli or using its advanced star maps to navigate to Earth and mind-probe us; rather, it lives under the Earthen surface, in thousands of miles of underground tunnels, caverns and cave systems that date back from dinosaur-times.

Who are these higher beings? Not skinny, almond-eyed, bobble-headed aliens, which, incidentally, are referred to as ‘Greys’ in the Ufology community. They’re not little green men, Space Brothers, Venusians, Nords, or Pleiadeans, either. They are, according to a staggeringly large subset of the conspiracy theory Universe, reptilian humanoids. Right: intelligent, supernatural, and highly developed reptile-human hybrids, or Reptoids, which are capable of shape-shifting and allegedly control all the major secret societies, royal bloodlines, and governments on Earth.


Fuck space, right? Seven foot-tall subterranean-dwelling lizards are a galaxy more interesting.

The main proponent of this theory, or at least the most colorful one, is the impressively deadpan David Icke, who is somehow both a former professional soccer player and the former head of the UK Green Party. Icke, in a slew of books, speaking tours, and videos, claims that reptoids are the driving force behind a Da Vinci Code-style worldwide conspiracy that controls humanity. Not one to just dip his toe in the pool, he takes the concept all the way to the deep end, contending that everyone from George W. Bush (most believably, really) to the British Royal family are blood-drinking lizards with extra-terrestrial origins. Sure, it isn’t a huge stretch to imagine the entire Republican Party as a scaly crew of reptilian bastards (actually, it’s kind of fun), but the Queen of England as a minion of the lizard lords? Come on, the woman is not exactly a party animal.

Icke, for whom the reptoid/reptilian thing is only part of a much larger world view involving global conspiracies, borderline anti-Semitism, CIA mind-control, Masonic rituals, and general New-Age philosophy, claims he put together this theory after people world-around confided to him their experiences witnessing powerful political figures morph into lizards and back again. In a particularly lengthy and in-form interview, Icke declares, “I keep meeting people who tell me that they’ve seen people shape-shift into bloody reptiles.”

The second important subset of Reptoid Research falls under the jurisdiction of the slightly more moderate conspiracist John Rhodes, who was the first to seriously investigate and publicly present claims of reptilian-humanoid sightings by founding the (seriously, check it out) Research Center in the late 90s. Rhodes contends that these cryptozoologic mysteries are not extra-terrestrial in nature, nor do they have anything at all to do with world governments. That kind of talk is just some knee-jerk collective fear of the current global political climate. His lizard men, rather, are evolved from dinosaurs. Yeah! Think about it: if any dinosaurs somehow survived the supposed meteorite impact that doomed their species, and if evolution were for real, then wouldn’t these survivors have evolved into something else? OK, forget about how birds are allegedly evolved from the dinosaurs. Imagine if they became bipedal humanoid intelligences instead! Imagine they still live in ice caves far from human contact! Can you wait until the polar ice caps melt? There will be a whole generation of dinosauroids wandering around, needing refugee housing. What a hell of a drain on the economy: we better call in the seven-foot blood lizard lords to take care of things. Come to think of it, we might as well just stick to the stars, right?

Still, on a sincere note, I know it’s easy to poke fun at the lizard men. I research these things as though they were fiction — it makes it easier, searching for the most salient points — and write about them as though they were truth, earnestly trying to get the point across. Still, I know it’s bullshit: I believe that the world is a feelingless rock with energies and the Universe is a ground for infinites, and nothing more. Sometimes, though, when I’m doing other things, I’m blindsided by the thought that some people really do believe in lizard people, for example, and that for them the world is a darkly malevolent, but purposeful place. This is what devastates me the most.


  1. #1 loki
    October 31, 2006

    What would these reptiles eat?
    Why would they have eyes if they live in deep tunnels?
    Are these naturally formed tunnels, or dug?
    Either way, what dynamics would form them (it can’t be water, or they would naturally migrate to the surface), or what tools would dig them?
    You have a picture of them in clothes – what material? Asbestos?

  2. #2 Cory Weaver
    October 31, 2006

    When I was in 3rd grade I went to a toy store and cried until I got a reptoid figurine.

    I agree, it would be kind of fun if the world was this mysterious. I miss being an 11 year old and believing everything about Bigfoot and Aliens.

  3. #3 Steve Schroeder
    October 31, 2006

    No space snakes, please.

    I saw a reptoid last weekend. On the Oregon coast.
    Wait do these reptoids look like regular humans and then shapeshift?

  4. #4 dalas v
    October 31, 2006

    Multnomah library has one of Icke’s books. I saw it randomly when I was browsing the shelves. I spent about a day skimming through it (it’s BIG). There is some pretty intense stuff in there. Most notably his ayahuasca trip where it is explained to him that the universe is pretty much exactly like the movie “The Matrix.”

  5. #5 Rob
    October 31, 2006


  6. #6 brokenwindow
    November 1, 2006

    I hope that they have high, squeaky, lizard-bird voices.

    I think that these guys are channeling some lost memory of dungeons-and-dragons, where the concept of a “troglodyte” was mistakenly interpretted as a reptilian, cave-dweller.

    In fact, it is just an old-english word for wretched, base, vulgar animal-like male.

    “Troglodyte” from tha OED:
    1. One of various races or tribes of men (chiefly ancient or prehistoric) inhabiting caves or dens (natural or artificial); a cave-dweller, cave-man.
    1555 W. WATREMAN Fardle of Facions

    Maybe making the caveman-alien-badguy a lizard helps dehumanize him, cuz ‘lizard=cold’, of course.

  7. #7 Vladimir Elie
    November 10, 2006

    It seems to me that there are people who just can’t wait to show their sophistications simply by denying and rediculing that which cannot understand without analyzing the whole story

  8. #8 Claire
    November 10, 2006

    Vladimir: does this mean you believe in Reptoids? I just want you to know that I am in no way ridiculing this concept; I respect alternative realities greatly and, in fact, I would love to talk to you about it. I definitely want to analyze the whole story!

  9. #9 e*rock
    December 10, 2006

    Icke’s findings started in 1983 with the made for TV series V. That’s where I first learned f reptoids also.

  10. #10 junome
    March 10, 2007

    Hard to say what I believe. Check out “cave monsters” on Yahoo Image. Also check out the “Annunaki” and “Dolce Wars.” Either way, it’s fascinating.

  11. #11 scouse
    August 11, 2007

    i dont no sounds like a load of shit to be honest i reckon some one got stoned an made dis hole thing up am shure if the qween died they would do a altopsy an if it was that screat how can poeple no dis am i right lol

  12. #12 Neil
    September 22, 2007

    I am a reptoid and I know I exist.

  13. #13 sethballby
    January 13, 2008

    you fucking freak!!

  14. #14 sethballby
    January 13, 2008

    Dude…your a freak!

  15. #15 Veronica Thule
    November 19, 2008

    Today I spoke with a reptilian. Already had sex with one once. See on blog.

  16. #16 Anon
    April 17, 2009

    Hello. I have personally seen them in my astral experiences and third eye (the third eye does not like the other eyes do). I never even cared or knew about this stuff until I came into contact with them. They often attach themselves to your lower chakras (root and sex) from the 4th dimension (not including time here) They like to “overshadow” or come into possession slightly, or completely of people.

    They have eyes because they live in underground cavern systems but they are also INTER DIMENSIONAL. They are an advanced species, so OBVIOUSLY they have lighting systems DUH.

    Who and what they are is completely different than any Icke pedler or the likes. In order to understand them or any other being for that matter you must have the spiritual basics of some universal ideas. In particular Merkaba mechanics, understanding of DNA on a multidimensional level, astral understanding, and many other things. If you don’t you will always be looking at such phenomenon from a small, 2 dimensional box of good and evil. And furthermore the idea of other life will always seem ridiculous to you.

    Good luck.

  17. #17 scott hickey
    July 14, 2009

    ive felt them in my room many many times frozen in my bed trying to wake but uable. tell one time with a lot of practice moving one finger at a time tell i could move my legs then woke up to see them but mostly looking at one he looked backed as if in disbleif tell i reached out to touch him an boom he was gone like if scotty beamed him up just like that no bull i know when there coming i would ask my friend s to stay up an watch me sleep butt they always fall asleep an miss it .ps i think there stealing some thing from inside me

  18. #18 scott hickey
    July 14, 2009

    test this is most likey a reptilian site just see if my post post

  19. #19 fleabag
    July 18, 2009

    Theres also a collection of highly evolved aliens that dsiguise themselves as goldfish and swim round all day collecting data on our lifewhen they die and u flush them down your toilet..(there only pretending to be dead)…they float out to sea and are collected by a mothership hiding in the ocean and all the data about or lifes is collected and analised!!
    this is the truth
    i never have any more gold fish now

  20. #20 MYCON DEEP
    October 1, 2009

    there’s actually not alot of evidence (at least that i’ve come across) for the reptilians, at least as an ET type existence that people tend to put them in.

    i remember david wilcock doing a classic coast to coast about a year ago talking about his whistleblower ‘henry deacon’, who had met with ~46 races of local ETs on a mars base, none of which were reptilian, INCLUDING the annunaki. according to him they were exactly like us, but in different sizes, skin colors, other variants. dunno how much more credible wilcock is but he did use to make newage (rhymes with sewage? jus kiddin cos i love it) music as opposed to playing soccer

  21. #21 ladysmoke
    October 7, 2009

    dudes youtube or google video reptilian baby and you’ll see that it is possible. Plus, if you’ve researched this at all you would realize the possiblity is there i’ve seen interviews w/ ppl who worked for the gov’t and been in underground bases and seen some shit..they of course were later assassinated (that just proves the pt. that they obviously knew something)

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