White Coat Underground

Gird your loins—please

Do you know how many people have chlamydia? Syphilis? No?

Me either. But it’s a lot. Depending on the group evaluated, chlamydia rates among young women range from 7-15%. And with STDs, there is always at least one other victim.

The holidays tend to be a time of seeing old friends and drinking with them. I see a lot of STDs after the holidays.

Both men and women can carry STDs without symptoms, but in women, these infections can ravage the reproductive organs leading to ectopic pregnancies, infertility, and other long-term health problems.

If infertility doesn’t sound so bad, you might want to think about the other STDs that travel with gonorrhea and chlamydia. HIV doesn’t go away. Syphilis often isn’t discovered until it’s caused significant damage to the nervous system and blood vessels.

All of these illnesses can be easily avoided by proper use of latex condoms and by seeking appropriate health care. Men with penile discharge should see a doctor immediately. Women with vaginal discharge should as well, and they should make sure to ask their doctors for yearly gonorrhea and chlamydia screening when they get their pap smears.

Look, I don’t mind stamping out disease—it’s lots of fun. But the best way to deal with disease is to prevent it. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and when you run to the store for more booze, don’t forget the condoms.


  1. #1 Lori
    December 25, 2009

    A Christmas message that is a little strange to me, but in the spirit will share a Shel Siverstein poem that you wouldn’t have found in “Where the Sidewalk Ends”.

    (Written by Shel Silvertsein)
    Shel Silverstein

    Don’t give a dose to the one you love most.
    Give her some marmalade…give her some toast.
    You can give her the willies or give her the blues.
    But the dose that you give her will get back to youse.

    I once had a lady as sweet as a song.
    She was my darlin’, and she was my dear.
    But she had a dose, and she passed it along.
    Now she’s gone, but the dose is still there.

    So, don’t give a dose to the one you love most.
    Give her some marmalade…give her some toast.
    You can give her a partiridge up in a pear tree,
    But the dose that you give her might get back to me.

    So if you’ve got an itchin’…if you’ve got a drip,
    Don’t sit there wishin’ for it to go ‘way.
    If there’s a thing on the tip of your thing or your lip,
    Run down to the clinic today, and say…

    “I won’t give a dose to the one I love most.
    I’ll give her some marmalade…give her some toast.”
    Give her the willies or give her the blues,
    But the dose that you give her will get back to you.

  2. #2 PalMD
    December 25, 2009

    He was brilliant,and no, i don’t remember that one being in “Sidewalk”—thankfully.

  3. #3 Dianne
    December 25, 2009

    All of these illnesses can be easily avoided by proper use of latex condoms and by seeking appropriate health care.

    And vaccination. I’d really like to see the incidence of HPV related cancers go down in my lifetime.

  4. #4 History Punk
    December 25, 2009

    What is with these preventive health care tips? Aren’t you allopathic doctors supposedly to be promoting disease in order to get rich off of us idiots? You gotta be in the pay of “Big Condom” or the sex-hating “Catholic Church”.

  5. #5 Danimal
    December 26, 2009

    chlamydia rates among young women range from 7-15%

    For the love of God, please tell me this is the lifetime rate, rather than a snapshot rate. Then again, knowing my ex-wife that’s not inconceivable.

  6. #6 Kim
    December 27, 2009

    I am clearly doing the holidays wrong in that I can’t imagine this advice pertaining to my activities. Woe. 😉

  7. #7 genewitch
    December 27, 2009

    @#4 History Punk:

    The Catholics don’t hate sex, they just hate non-procreative sex. So they wouldn’t condone a message of safe holiday sex. In fact, if you’re conceived around christmas, that makes you extra religious, i’ll wager.

  8. #8 becca
    December 29, 2009

    what if you’re conceived around easter?

  9. #9 Dr. Smart
    December 29, 2009

    and when you run to the store for more booze, don’t forget the condoms.


    I hate to burst your bubble, but wouldn’t abstinence until marriage stamp out STDs altogether? For get booze and fonication, just act civilized ans top humping everything that comes along and you won’t have to worry about STDs. I always feel sorry for people with cancer and other diseases, but STDs are 100% preventable. STDs only prove that sex outside of marriage does have consequences. Stop fornicating and the STDS will dies. Simple.

  10. #10 MonkeyPox
    December 29, 2009

    That’s it…amuse us, little man, DANCE!

    Hey, just cuz you can’t get laid, don’t ruin it for normal people.

  11. #11 Dr. Smart
    December 29, 2009

    Ruin what? Your disease laden fornication technique? Are those “normal” people magnets for pecker rot or anal swelling becuase you want a little fun? That’s normal? Coulda fooled me. Happy disease, you nasty fornicator. It is preventable. Just keep that thing in your pants until your wedding night. Problem solved. Maybe your disease is punishment for your sin. Ever think about it? I doubt it since you do not believe in consequences to actions.

  12. #12 JeebusFreek
    December 29, 2009

    Actually, I think having to read your dumbassitude is punishment for my sins.

  13. #13 Dr. Smart
    December 29, 2009

    HMMM… That’s interesting. Since when did perversion become the norm? I guess the marxist hippy commies really did screw this nation over in the 1960s. We’re all paying for that sin. “Tolerance” has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is having no conscience. The disadvantage is paying for it. The old saying “For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction” does not only apply to physics. it applies to your life as well. Some just don;t get it. Do something right, you get rewarded, do something wrong, get punished. It will be that way for eternity. There nothing you can do to change it. Forcing society to ignore it only makes it worse. Accept it and accept your fate like a man – what’s left of manhood after the leftists killed off manhood in exchange for the new man who is stupid, dumbed down idiot rather than real. Damned feminists and hippy commies.

  14. #14 Bill
    December 30, 2009

    “wouldn’t abstinence until marriage stamp out STDs altogether?”

    Unless you’re raped.

    I spent my college days as an EMT, and found nearly all of our on-campus calls involved substance abuse (primarily alcohol)

    I had to involve our rape counselors far too often.

    Shoot, nowadays you don’t even need alcohol.

    Just drop a pill into her soda…

  15. #15 JohnV
    December 30, 2009

    I like this Dr. Smart guy, PalMD. Can we keep him (or her)? Pretty please? We’ll feed him and take him for walks and play with him every day!

  16. #16 Dr. Smart
    December 30, 2009


    Lucky for the rapist that we have such a criminal justice system that will reward him and punish the victim. I say we hang rapists and reward the victims. As it stands the most they get is a five star hotel room and room service as well as three meals a day, entertainment, church, social activities, and free healthcare. hell, he maybe I should commit a crime. That’s better treatment than I get as a free man. This damned politically correct criminal hugger/kisser/lover system that we have has got to be destroyed. Chain gangs, hangings, public executions, and real punishment has to be brought back. Our current system is a joke.

    Anyway, we were’t talking about rape, we were talking about sin (sex outside marriage – aka fornication).

  17. #17 PalMD
    December 30, 2009

    Yes, you may play with it if it amuses you.

  18. #18 becca
    December 30, 2009

    Wait, if actions have equal and OPPOSITE reactions, shouldn’t that be “do something right, something wrong will happen to you”?
    Physics proves it’s necessary to be a jackhat to people if you want to be treated well! Which might explains Dr. Smart’s behavior, I suppose.

  19. #19 Calli Arcale
    December 30, 2009

    Do something right, you get rewarded, do something wrong, get punished.

    So you support punishments up to and including death for extramarital sex?

    Rape victims have already been mentioned, but does this mean you also support such penalties for being faithful and true to a philandering spouse?

  20. #20 PalMD
    December 30, 2009

    Sorry, Dr Smart’s comments were getting a bit out of hand.

    Ironically, he’s using email addy’s like “pooty@wet.com”. He’s also rotating his email addy’s to avoid spam filters. Nice dude.

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