White Coat Underground

Bad Touching

Tragedy can bring out the best and the worst in humanity. The Haitian earthquake has seen an outpouring money (the most needed type of aid) and other emergency aid. A few days ago I pondered what sort of quackery would emerge to fill a need that doesn’t exist.

Homeopaths responded, of course, and while clean water is always needed, clean water that comes with a fairy tale is not.

Every person that lands in Haiti to provide “aid” also brings a mouth to feed and a cloaca to empty, so every body who goes better have a lot of value to deliver. That’s why the arrival of Scientology ministers in Port-au-Prince is doubly abominable.

And what are the Xenu-bots bringing with them? They did bring some doctors, but…

“We’re trained as volunteer ministers, we use a process called ‘assist’ to follow the nervous system to reconnect the main points, to bring back communication,” she said.

“When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch.”

No. No, it does not. There is no “energy” to get “stuck”, and as a doctor on the scene said, “I didn’t know touching could heal gangrene.” In fact, an influx of untrained volunteers could worsen infection, especially if they are moving from one patient to another touching them.

The people of Haiti have suffered terribly, and the suffering will continue for a long time. As long as our Marines are there, maybe they could kick these dangerous cultist idiots off the island.

Comments

  1. #1 History Punk
    January 24, 2010

    Well, the Protestants and the Voudon followers are going at each other according to an article I read in the Baltimore Sun. Perhaps you could start a three way holy war between them and the Scientologists?

  2. #3 Jen
    January 24, 2010

    @History Punk: the potential holy war with the most amusement potential is the Scientology Volunteer Minsters trying to bring peace in the Middle East by mass distributing The Way to Happiness brochures. Really. They have promotional Way to Happiness Videos on Youtube to explain it all.

    The article quoted above came from AFP wire service. It’s terrific, and particularly gratifying whenever mainstream media does a takedown of quackery.
    Scientologists fly into quake-hit Haiti

    Scientology has been all kinds of mixed up in the Haiti disaster. A nice roundup can be found here
    Scientology: It’s a disaster

    NY1 reports that the most recent Volunteer Ministers flight left behind 70 doctors, nurses, and translators that they were supposed to transport.
    Boarding mixup grounds medical mission to Haiti

    PZ told the Scientologists to stay home, didn’t he, but they just couldn’t listen…

  3. #4 Isabel
    January 24, 2010

    “Every person that lands in Haiti to provide “aid” also brings a mouth to feed and a cloaca to empty,”

    cloaca? This is disturbing. We’re mammals!

  4. #5 PalMD
    January 24, 2010

    Writer’s choice.

  5. #6 Kathy Orlinsky
    January 24, 2010

    Maybe the scientologists can make themselves useful carting away the digital bibles:

    http://www.richarddawkins.net/articles/4977

  6. #7 Jen
    January 24, 2010

    Is it the html links that hang up my comment in moderation?

  7. #8 mxh
    January 24, 2010

    Once they find out that the Haitians can’t afford their $200 introductory e-meter readings, they’ll quickly leave.

  8. #9 Chris
    January 24, 2010

    Jen, it seems posts on Scienceblogs with more than two links are automatically moderated.

  9. #10 David Mudkips
    January 24, 2010

    It’s *much* worse than Scientology Volunteer Ministers sucking up valuable resources and wasting everyone’s time with magical “touch assists.”

    They also ACTIVELY try to ensure victims do not receive psychological counseling.

    Read the transcript of a BBC radio undercover report in which Scientologist VM’s crow about doing this on the disaster scenes following the 9/11 attack in the US and the 7/7 attack in the UK:

    http://www.newsfrombree.co.uk/stolgy_25.htm

  10. #11 titmouse
    January 25, 2010

    Once they find out that the Haitians can’t afford their $200 introductory e-meter readings, they’ll quickly leave.

    They’re not there for converts. They want PR opportunities and slave labor.

    Some lucky Haitians will sign a billion-year contract for the Sea Org in exchange for a trip to the US. He or she will then embark upon a career involving long hours, 7 days per week, doing landscaping, laundry, cleaning, whatever, earning pennies per hour. Management will hold their passports and keep them sufficiently afraid of “fair game” to prevent their leaving.

    Think about that next time you see Tom Cruise or Travolta.

  11. #12 Bob O'H
    January 25, 2010

    Scientologists fly into quake-hit Haiti

    Presumably not in DC8s.

  12. #13 Mu
    January 25, 2010

    Well, the head line this morning on CNN was “too many doctors in Haiti”. If they have some trained nurses in their group, that would be good so. They’re lacking those.

  13. #14 Prometheus
    January 25, 2010

    I read the Methodists have arrived.

    That’s nice.

    I like pea salad and jello with canned fruit suspended in it.

    When do you think the Mormons will show up and address the shortage of snap on neck ties bicycles and bland smiles?

  14. #15 Dr Aust
    January 25, 2010

    The fact that the Xenu Crew and the homeopaths can’t just send money to the relief agencies – which is the best thing you can actually do – tells you a lot about our Alt.Reality friends and their priorities. I have written about the homeopaths’ rather egocentric attitude to disaster relief here.

  15. #16 Sharon
    January 25, 2010

    A plane chartered Saturday by members of the Church of Scientology was supposed to bring a group of volunteers to Haiti via JFK Airport. Yet, due to a chaotic boarding process, about 70 doctors, nurses and translators were left behind.
    “We arranged everything in our lives to go down. We know that the need is great. We want to be helping and it’s frustrating not to be able to get there,” Bevilacqua said.
    A big concern is what will happen to the thousands of dollars of donated medical equipment and medicine that made it onto the plane without the doctors who supplied them.
    Volunteers say they are worried that if they are not in Haiti to claim them, they will get lost, stolen or go to waste. One nurse NY1 spoke to says he’s been able to hitch a flight down to Haiti with another relief organization. The others say they’re praying they can do the same.

  16. #17 Prometheus
    January 25, 2010

    ‘Feed the Children’ has it’s big Haiti fund raising push online.

    Wheeee.

    Larry recently got fired for bugging the corporate offices and of course, his big pile of porno so they will need a new spokesman.

    Any takers?

  17. #18 Jen
    January 25, 2010
  18. #19 Katharine
    January 27, 2010

    As much as I hate the 4chan troglodytes, I also hate Scientologists, so I’m anxiously waiting to see if they can fuck up Scientologists’ Haiti plans.

  19. #20 Jen
    January 28, 2010

    Katherine,

    Lol @ your comment. Pour out a 40oz for the last of the 4channers; looks like he’s gonna take a year in jail. Those days are now over.

    FBI Press Release – Guilty plea on DDOS attack

  20. #21 Louanne
    March 3, 2010

    Less time in a canoe, more time spent on actual research = better article. May I inspire you to read up on the work of the Scientology Volunteer Ministers? Start here:

    http://www.youtube.com/scientologyvm#p/u/4/Z8ZxbSJtYts
    http://blog.volunteerministers.org

  21. #22 PalMD
    March 3, 2010

    The testimony of a brain-washed cultists are not very interesting to me.