The World's Fair

CELEBRITY: Who are you?

GENETICIST: I am a geneticist.

CELEBRITY: Like, is that a big word for someone who is not as cool as me?

GENETICIST: It is a word that describes my role as a scientist who can answer any questions you might have about genetics.

CELEBRITY: And why would I care about genetics?

GENETICIST: That, my friend, is a very good question! Genetics is more important than you would think. We are now living in a society where the progress we see in the biological sciences, and in genetics in particular, is impacting tremendously on the societal, economic, political and even cultural aspects of what it means to be human. Given the potential effect genetics will have on each and every one of us, I believe all persons should take the time and effort to understand this discipline. Hopefully this is something you will agree with after this discussion.

CELEBRITY: You know, I am sooooo much hotter than you are.

GENETICIST: I suppose. Ironically, that is precisely the point - in that even this fact is a consequence of our DNA code. Meaning that once again, it is genetics that is responsible for your observation. Indeed, you are blessed with good genes.

CELEBRITY: You're right. My ass does look good in jeans. Your ass not so much.

GENETICIST: And yet you must understand that one day, perhaps everyone can be blessed with good genes. In the sense that our genetic knowledge is expanding at such an alarming rate, it is almost inevitable that sooner or later, technology will exist that will enable us to alter our code and thereby grant every individual the potential to approach their idea of perfection. Essentially, the perfect rear could one day be commonplace. Tell me, have you ever heard of the obese mouse?

CELEBRITY: Yes. I think I did that move yesterday in my yoga-pilates class. Like seriously, an awesome workout! Loser.

GENETICIST: Actually, the obese mouse is a mouse that harbors a genetic defect resulting in a profoundly overweight animal. Unhappily, these poor mice weigh up to three times more than normal, but fortunately for us, they also provided scientists with some of the first clues on how to regulate weight using molecular knowledge. Do you not see what this could lead to?

CELEBRITY: Sorry... Completely tuned out. You should really look at what you're wearing. Like seriously, it makes me want to vomit, and not in the good for your figure kind of way.

GENETICIST: But don't you see? The information gleaned from studies like the obese mouse will lead to the potential development of technologies that can effectively regulate weight. Bulimic practices would no longer need to exist! And perhaps, one day there will even be drugs that will not only make us slim, but they will also go so far as to keep us young.

CELEBRITY: You mean like chemical peels right? I love chemical peels! Because if so, I like seriously recommend L'Oreal's Dermo-Expertise ReNoviste Glycolic Peel Kit. It does wonders for me - especially with a little bit of Oil of Olay at night.

GENETICIST: No, I think you misunderstand me. I am talking about the ability to extend human life, the possibility of allowing humans to be vital and young for a longer period of time. I am talking about the fountain of youth.

CELEBRITY: Oil of Olay. Oil of Olay. That sounds so cool. Oil of Olay. Oil of Olay. Ole! Ole! Ole! Andele! Andele! Arriba! Arriba! Arriba! Reba! Reba! Reba! Reba McIntyre! Reba McIntyre! Reba McIntyre! ... What were we talking about again?

GENETICIST: We were talking about the extension of life, the science of longevity. Or as they say in scientific circles, we were discussing the field of senescence.

CELEBRITY: I love that word! Senescence, senescence, my darling senescence. I am so naming my first child Senescence!

GENETICIST: Please, I feel you are missing the point. Senescence is not some endearing name for a child - it is a valid scientific endeavour with numerous advances being reported. For instance, evidence now suggests that longevity is directly linked to our metabolism - in that our need to utilize the oxygen we breathe inadvertently creates harmful by-products known as oxygen radicals. It is these radicals that build, collect and ultimately result in the process of aging. In truth, it is an altogether exciting and frightening prospect that knowledge gained from this type of research could one day allow mankind to circumvent or prevent the aging process.

CELEBRITY: Look mister. I'm not missing the point. You are missing the point. Like, it's not that you're ugly. It's just that I am soooo gorgeous that you appear to be ugly in comparison. Anyway, I'm so sorry but I kind of tuned out again. Who are you?

GENETICIST: (sigh) Obviously not somebody of enough importance to hold your attention. I think that perhaps you should seek counsel from someone you could relate better to - perhaps a plastic surgeon, yes? No matter, I clearly do not meet your expectations or needs for that matter, which is not that surprising as I am, sadly, only a geneticist.

From Inkling.