The World's Fair

JESUS: What is cloning?

GENETICIST: That is a very good question indeed. In short, cloning is the experimental act of producing an identical copy. It can refer to copying something as small as a specific piece of DNA, or as grand as duplicating an entire organism. For instance, you may be interested to know that it is now possible to clone a human being.

JESUS: Is that like the resurrection of the dead?

GENETICIST: Well, not exactly. Human cloning currently involves a procedure known as somatic cell nuclear transfer. Specifically, this is where DNA is taken from human tissue (perhaps from your favorite disciple), is carefully injected into an empty egg cell (perhaps from an unrepentant whore), and then implanted into the uterus of a host mother (perhaps even a virgin mother) who will bring it to term.

However, any human clone produced in this manner, although genetically identical, is not technically the same individual. It will still need to grow and age. It will still have its own experiences and memories. And most notably, all of these nuances will inevitably grant this new being a unique personality. So even if you did, say, produce a clone of someone who had passed away, it is, in my opinion, not at all like resurrection.

JESUS: Then I am relieved.

GENETICIST: Although it might, however, make a good practical joke - you know, "Surprise! I bet you thought I was dead!" I think that would be pretty funny.

JESUS: Yes, I suppose I see the humor in that, but also in the hands that commit this act, might and power.

GENETICIST: Yes, you are absolutely correct - it is powerful! To think that we can now take DNA from adult tissue and control it to produce any and all types of tissue (not just the one it came from), and hence have the opportunity to produce an entire viable organism, is something that was not so long ago thought to be the realm of pure science fiction. Why else would the picture of Dolly the sheep grace the cover of so many magazines and newspapers?

JESUS: Indeed, that was pleasant. After all, I am the good shepherd: and the good shepherd giveth his life for his sheep.

GENETICIST: To be sure. And sheep really are such resilient creatures - definitely more so than humans. You must be very proud of that one, since it's almost as if they have their own sweaters. Remarkable.

JESUS: Although you speak from your heart, Father was actually aiming for a cardigan sort of thing. He often wishes he could do that one over again.

GENETICIST: Interesting that you mention that, because with cloning, you may in effect have such an opportunity. One of the potential applications of this technology is to not only ensure that the genetic code of the organism you desire is handpicked, but to also provide a better mechanism in proofreading and correcting for undesirable traits. For instance, we could, in theory, attempt to clone and genetically modify a sheep, so that its wool coat can take on the guise of a cardigan.

JESUS: Intriguing. Can we also give it pockets?

GENETICIST: Yes, in theory.

JESUS: I wish I had pockets. My tunic, whilst comfortable and humble, can be so impractical at times. Fortunately, being all-powerful is pretty good at taking the sting away from such things.

GENETICIST: I am not surprised. And it is strangely fitting that you talk about your own needs, since the ultimate hope is for one day to use these cloning methodologies to alter deficiencies within our own human genetics. In fact, we could even one day clone a version of You with alterations of your own asking.

JESUS: That, my child, is an interesting option. I am allergic to kiwi, and I LOVE kiwi. Also, truth be told, I am also deeply troubled by my inability to roll my tongue (sticks his tongue out). See? It is the seat of much anguish since both my parents, Mary and Joseph, can do it. Sometimes I don't even think they are my real parents.

GENETICIST: I see.

JESUS: Anyhow, I confess that I am most curious by the prospect of cloning myself. But tell me, how much then is a man different from a sheep? This technology to sheep appears safe enough, but for you and I, is it safe?

GENETICIST: A good question - and one that queries the safety of such practices on humans.

In brief, if one were to only take the welfare of the human clone into account, current evidence would suggest that it is not safe enough. In fact, many argue that cloning humans is ethically immoral because one simply cannot vouch for the safety of the clone. You see, the manipulated DNA is very delicate and will inevitably be damaged during the experimental process. This, of course, could lead to all manner of uncertain outcomes that affect the health and well being of the cloned person.

To circumvent this dilemma, scientists have instead taken upon themselves to only clone other animals like frogs, mice, sheep, cows, cats and certain French Canadians. Here, it is presumed that the situation is less ethically charged, a nuance I believe your circle of colleagues will agree with. In fact, there are already places of business that offer pet cloning as a service. Perhaps one day, mankind can even rebuild its own version of Noah's Ark, yes?

JESUS: Please, do not speak of the Ark. We prefer not to speak of the Ark.

GENETICIST: And why is that?

JESUS: Because, my child, Noah is a moron. Father told Noah to "build a park." A "park" for Christ's sake, not an "ark" but a "park!" Why on Earth would anyone think to build a boat to safeguard the animal kingdom is a mystery to me! You know, the damage control was tortuous for this - mayhem, flooding, horrible really. Honestly, I have never seen Father so pissed.

GENETICIST: I can only imagine. And I'll warrant that he is probably not the best person to aggravate - although speaking of your Father, an interesting thought has just came to mind. Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you not, under the definition of the Holy Trinity, "one and the same" as your Father? And does this not inadvertently allude to a very interesting philosophical predicament? The fact that you and your Father are, to all intents and purposes, clones of each other?

JESUS: Young man, I'm not sure I understand.

GENETICIST: Which in the end is all right, because to be honest neither do I. Besides, I expect that that is really the whole point anyway. In truth, I have to admit I find the whole concept of religion very confusing at times, although I think I can hardly be blamed for my ignorance. After all, I am not a theologian, a member of the clergy - I am sadly, only a geneticist.

From the SCQ.