Zooillogix

Fisherman hauled the world’s largest squid ever caught out of the icy Antarctic waters last month. Since then, it has been kept on ice while scientists ponder how to prepare it for permanent display at the University of New Zealand. Larger than giant squid, colossal squid range from 40-65 feet long. This specimen weighed 1,090 lbs and was 33 feet long. Now the scientists have run into a problem: the frozen squid is so large that by the time the center of the beast defrosts, the outer flesh will have rotted.

Colossal squid captured, mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni

The logical solution? Throw the world’s largest known squid in the world’s largest microwave oven, of course. The one ton microwave was created for physics experiments but could be adapted for reheating a sea monster. Just like cooking a Hot Pocket… only filled with 1,000 lbs of squid.

No final decision has been made on how to defrost the colossal squid, which has eyes as big as dinner plates. If anyone made calamari from the beast, they would be as big as tractor tires. But there are no plans to eat it, unfortunately, partly because the flesh contains so much ammonia it would taste like floor cleaner.

The squid was caught when it started eating a Patagonian toothfish hooked at a depth of 1,800 meters on a longline of a New Zealand fishing trawler.

Because things are only in perspective when compared to a dump truck.

Comments

  1. #1 chase
    September 1, 2008

    Damn that big-ass

  2. #2 Shane
    April 12, 2009

    Its too late now, maybe the best thing would have been to let the beast just go free…

  3. #3 mj ramos
    October 9, 2009

    Why is it that we find some thing so awsome and huge like this and all ya can think about is killing the poor thing to put it on display. This is why there rare, cause we have taken over it all. Leave them alone….

  4. #4 Pete
    December 9, 2009

    Yeah, all science folk ever do is hurt things, damn it! If the aren’t killin’ mythical sea-beasts then they’re whupin’ up some confounded black-holes in pursuit o’ the ol’ Higgin’s Boson! Go to Hell, College-Boys!

  5. #5 Stutz
    December 9, 2009

    Actually, by the time the deep-sea animal reached the surface it was almost dead anyway. Anyway, what’s wrong with keeping one rarely-seen creature for scientific study? It’s not like they’re an overfished species. This is the only one that’s ever been captured alive. Nobody killed it to put it on display. It was inadvertently hauled up in a fishing net.

  6. #6 esa
    December 9, 2009

    yeah Stutz, you are totally right, but you know, when this kind of things happen, there are always some ignorants showing up whining even if they don’t know a fu** about science.

  7. #7 key
    December 9, 2009

    mj ramos: this is the reason why THEY ARE rare. NOT there rare.
    can’t blame you thou. your (you are) never interested in higher knowledge.

  8. #8 R Schloemer
    December 9, 2009

    I agree with “esa.” Sometimes you have to inspect an animal’s body to know how it lives, what it does, what it eats, how it breeds and ultimately how to protect living specimens. After all, do you want to tap a 1000 squid on one of it’s 8 shoulders and ask what it is hungry for today?

    Plus, if we don’t hook a few and microwave them, how will we ever know if squid make good hamburgers?

  9. #9 key
    December 9, 2009

    Yeah, key. Because ‘your’ = ‘You are’. Idiot.

    Also.
    I want my own colossal squid. :(

  10. #10 Duggy
    December 9, 2009

    I’ve seen that very same colossal squid in Te Papa museum in wellington NZ and it’s nowhere as big as the graphic depicts. Anyone with a bit of sense could tell that from the photo above.

    Also, giant squids are actually longer then colossal squids. It’s the bulbous body of the colossal squid that gives it it’s name.

  11. #11 sikiş izle
    December 9, 2009

    call shenanigans. First, Dawkins also claims that he is “…not one of those who thinks men are genetically better equipped than women to become distinguished scientists.

  12. #12 kc
    December 9, 2009

    Ok I’m a little confused by the numbers on this post.

    “Larger than giant squid, colossal squid range from 40-65 feet long”

    “This specimen weighed 1,090 lbs and was 33 feet long.”
    so under the small range of the colossal squid.

    then in the scale at the bottom it says giant squid 18 meters.
    18 meters = 59.0551181 feet
    according to google calculator.

    so a giant squid is near the top range of its larger cousin’s size. and this one is one because it is smaller then a giant squid.

    or did someone just fuck up his units.

  13. #13 kc
    December 9, 2009

    Ok sorry Didn’t see Duggy’s post on length.
    but even still I was basing it off the graphic and that shows the colossal squid as larger.

  14. #14 dododododo
    December 9, 2009

    All creatures have benefitted from the demise of other creatures. Sometimes we need to remove the sand from our vaginas to see the simplicity of the vagina.

  15. #15 bob
    December 9, 2009

    thats the squid budd light killed. id say eat it. but at least its dead and now dirty hippies have something else to complain about.

  16. #16 Steve
    December 9, 2009

    “Go to Hell College Boys”..’been there and back…damn orbital mechanics final almost killed me.

  17. #17 bil ny
    December 9, 2009

    the problem is that it lives in depths of really high pressure that when they take it out, it dies from the pressure change, much like putting a human into a vacuum

  18. #18 bob
    December 9, 2009

    Rare……..no, I like mine medium rare.

  19. #19 DerekDutch
    December 9, 2009

    AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I just can’t believe that Pete(post #4) doesn’t see how absolutely stupid he sounds. I was gonna write this even before I read the end…”Go to Hell! College Boys!”…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!…he must be from the south…oh I’m sorry Pete…that’s a shame.

  20. #20 UserClone
    December 10, 2009

    Oh Derek…(sigh) Must the internet have [sarcasm] tags for you to understand it? Well played, Pete.

  21. #21 Judas
    December 10, 2009

    Funny how an article from 2007 provokes quite a lot of moronic responses…

  22. #22 Phil E. Drifter
    December 10, 2009

    Is that its anus in the pic directly above the text “No final decision has been made…” Wouldn’t it suck for that guy if it shot his face full of ink… excuse me, I just puked a little, in my mouth…

  23. #23 KDC
    December 10, 2009

    But does it taste like chicken?

  24. #24 josh
    December 10, 2009

    thats its beak. not anus. i can see where yours is now.

  25. #25 Arthur Sobcheck
    December 10, 2009

    @ mj ramos: “This is why there rare”

    There: adverb
    1 : in or at that place —often used interjectionally

    They’re: contraction

    1 : they are

    Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp?

  26. #26 alex
    December 10, 2009

    i think deep frying it would be better than microwaving, but that’s a lot of batter.

  27. #27 Patches
    December 10, 2009

    I don’t think the fisherman meant to catch the squid. I think it was an accident. Even if it wasn’t an accident, believe me if that squid saw you he’d tear you to shreds.

  28. #28 Harvard
    December 10, 2009

    I must post seemingly intelligent comments on the internet to feel better about myself. And by writing this sarcastic comment, I became a parody of myself.

    LONG LIVE HITLER

  29. #29 Charley
    December 10, 2009

    Did none of you RTFA? It wasn’t netted. It was hooked. By the way, Key, you should make sure your spelling and grammar are correct before correcting someone elses. “thou”?

  30. #30 baby
    July 5, 2010

    AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I just can’t believe that Pete(post #4) doesn’t see how absolutely stupid he sounds.

  31. #31 bread maker
    October 17, 2010

    oh my god that’s a really big squid..almost beat the blue whale! Sounds weird to reheat that thing…

  32. #32 MasonMelinda
    August 3, 2011

    That is well known that cash makes people disembarrass. But what to do if someone has no cash? The only one way is to receive the business loans or bank loan.

  33. #33 emlak
    August 29, 2011

    thats the squid budd light killed. id say eat it. but at least its dead and now dirty hippies have something else to complain about.

  34. #34 Saul Futterman
    July 2, 2012

    so we have been planning backwards now…replacing the man on the dollar bill (that was responsible for helping create the greatest country on earth) when using the man that hates every little thing about our country and wants to destroy it. This is nothing more than a bad joke.

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    July 6, 2012

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