Panda Enslavement

Female pandas ovulate for only 3 days out of every year, making them one of the least evolutionarily “fit” animals we are aware of. If you were in God’s factory trying to figure out where to invest, betting on the panda would be like deciding to build a Ferrari and not include a gas fill. Then it occured to us, maybe they were betting on using man to survive. Their perfect combination of seizure-inducing cuddliness and total biological helplessness, has encouraged us to invest more in them than Olympic athletes. Between unparalleled pre-natal care, panda porn, artificial insemination and all-you-can-eat bamboo buffets for life, they basically have us whipped. I, for one, welcome our new panda overlords.

I make a great plush toy/false idol. Giant Panda, Ailuropoda melanoleuca


  1. #1 Queenie Leso
    July 2, 2012

    I get so many DMs daily that I are unable to be bothered with them now. I am sure I must skip people today who genuinely want to speak, but it’s totally ridiculous now!

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