Hey, gentlemen. Have you ever been throwing down some mean game, only to have your voluptuous prospect stolen from right under your nose by some guy with greasy hair who doesn’t speak a word of your native tongue and is dressed like an extra in Saturday Night Fever? Well, you’re not alone, and neither is your species.
My name….is Ernesto Claudio Jose Luiz Villa Lobos Renaldo Enrique, the Third, and may I say that it is a pleasure to meet a woman of your exquisite stature and beauty.
According to a new study of spotted hyenas in Tanzania, female hyenas prefer mates who just arrived into their group over mates who have been in the clan for some time. Scientists are speculating that this behavior is a natural way to avoid the harmful genetic consequences of inbreeding.
And if you ever wondered what that Crisco-coated Romeo was doing in your local sports bar on a Tuesday night at 1:30am in the first place, the study helps to answer that as well. Because the hyena females prefer “foreign” males, the male hyenas often leave their groups in search of mates, thereby raising their chances of breeding.
Says Oliver Höner of the Leibniz Institute for Zoo and Wildlife Research in Germany in this article in the Telegraph, “This is the first time it has been shown in a mammalian species that the males that respond best to female mate preferences and as a result in most cases move from their natal group do pass on more of their genes to future generations.”
Oh snap! The love doctor has spoken!
The ramifications of the study are obvious: Frustrated guys. Tired of striking out? Just pack up a case of Axe body spray and move to Sweden…