The results of a seven year survey of Europe’s rivers and lakes has finally arrived, and to the delight of Ben Stein, CPAs and colorblind people around the world, 57 new species of new nonthreatening, completely unexciting, brownish-gray fish have been identified. Europe now boasts 522 drab freshwater species as opposed to the laughable 485 of the olden days. Take that Azerbaijan!

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Reportedly, the photographer fell asleep while taking this picture.

“The new species come from all over,” said Jörg Freyhof of the Leibniz Institute of Freshwater Ecology and Inland Fisheries in Berlin, Germany, one of the study’s coauthors in this article in National Geographic online. You can hear the excitement in his voice.

Some of the new species include a new kind of cisco, a little silvery pink fish (or ‘brown and gray” to the human eye), two “trout-like” charrs, and eight new kinds of sculpin. Scientists had known about many of these fish, but had not looked closely at them enough to separate them from some of their other cousins.

Unfortunately, new studies in Europe are also claiming that up to 1/3 of all these fish are facing extinction. God forbid!

Joking! Joking! But seriously, couldn’t these scientists put their resources into finding something slightly more awesome? Like a new kind of manatee? Or just a freaking sea slug!?


  1. #1 Manny
    November 16, 2007

    New species or newly-discovered species?

    It makes a difference when eco-activists are complaining about decreasing biodiversity. Are these news species counted?

  2. #2 Benny
    November 16, 2007

    I’m going to go with newly discovered, but then again I’m retarded, and I’m in sales, so don’t take my word for it.

  3. #3 Drhoz!
    November 16, 2007

    Well, I think they’re cute. But then, I happily sought out Swan River Gobies for my tanks, and there’s a dull-looking fish for you.

  4. #4 Ed
    November 16, 2007

    Freshwater European fish – probably the most boring of them all – are the first exhibit to grace visitors to the London Aquarium. However, a few years ago, I noticed that they were all kept in open-top tanks and that one tank full of sticklebacks and minnows was next to another than contained a huge, f**k-off pike. The temptation to reach in and transfer the pike to the first tank for some amusement was almost too great. Almost.

  5. #5 Meirav
    November 18, 2007

    Aw, come on, biodiversity’s biodiversity even if it’s all about tiny germs in the earth we can’t even see.
    I’m sure the moment humanity will not give a damn enough about the extinction of these guys enough to actually wiped them off the face of the earth, suddenly some unexpected disaster will crash down on us because these guys’ deaths set off some freak chain reaction in nature. It’s a kind of Murphy’s Law of biodiversity.

  6. #6 katie
    November 19, 2007

    when a slug is way more exciting than you, you know that you won’t survive very long. No offense, Euro-fish.

  7. #7 Joel Savard
    November 19, 2007

    I think you’re missing the point here. If “you can hear the excitement in [Freyhof’s] voice” it’s because he’s completely excited to witness evolution in action. New species are emerging in Europe dude! Common don’t tell me you guys are just a bunch of creationists!

  8. #8 Giorgos
    July 16, 2009

    No matter how drab, plain or uninteresting these creatures are, the point is that they are unique. Just knowing that the little grey fish that lives in the stream close to your village can be found nowhere else in the whole world is important,as is the fact that if you build your house on that stream you could wipe out an entire species that has been evolving for thousands of years. Afterall, you don’t have to be exciting to be beautiful and precious.

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