First Guy Fawkes, then the IRA, then Al Qaeda. Now England is facing a new threat from within…slugs. The mild, wet winter in England has created the perfect conditions for slug overpopulation and the destruction of British gardens. The Daily Mail (England’s most trusted, oldest, and least sensational periodical) is doing its civic duty by calmly informing the population, GARDENERS WARNED SLUG EPIDEMIC THIS SUMMER WILL BE THE ‘STUFF OF NIGHTMARES’.
Slug 1: You be ready and do exactly as I say. On my signal, ride
round behind our position and flank them.
Slug 2: We must not divide our forces.
Slug 1: Do it, and let the English see you do it.
British sluggologists are predicting that there could be as many as 200 slugs per cubic meter of soil in the British countryside. That’s enough slugs to skeletalize a 170 pound man in under 20 minutes!
The English are facing the slug threat with their characteristic stiff upper lips. Some are even looking to utilize the slug surfeit with such “splendid” culinary inventions as slug Wellington, bangers and slug and slugshire pudding.