Zooillogix

The pentailed treeshrew has recently been identified by scientists as the "biggest drunk" in the animal kingdom. Frank Wiens of the Department of Animal Physiology at the University of Bayreuth in Germany smelled the distinct odor of booze in the Segari Melintang Forest Reserve in Western Malaysia. He and his team identified the bertam palm's flowers as producing a nectar that ferments into alcohol. They then decided to set up cameras to document the creatures who visited the palm. At night, slow lorises and pentailed treeshrews spent the most time consuming the palm's liquid, with the treeshrews lingering the longest, almost two and a half hours on average per night at the makeshift bar!

"You don't know the first thing about me...not the first thing...I'm...just...trying...I'm trying...you see this is the problem with you people, you're always coming in here with your lights and your cameras and your radio collars and your lights...and you...trying to tell me what to do...every day...every day you do this, and...well I'll tell you something...I'll tell you something good...you're, not, my boss...you hear me?...you're not my freaking boss...no, no, no...get off me...I said f***ing get off of me!..." said one treeshrew.

The alcoholic content of the juice was found to be 3.8% alcohol, similar to that watery urine they call beer in Denver. Still, despite drinking enormous amounts of the broth the treeshrews displayed no outward signs of drunkeness. Wiens' findings can be read in the latest issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Andrew and I wanted to thank the 14 people who forwarded this article to our attention. We couldn't have done it without you!