Henry the Tuatara has recently knocked up one of his mates, Mildred, who’s only 70-80 (scaaaandal!), in their museum enclosure/retirement complex at the Southland Museum on New Zealand’s South Island. The couple now have a stack of 12 eggs.

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Ladies, a little known fact about Henry…My dentures are removable. Yup, you heard me right.

Henry had shown little interest in reproduction since he arrived in the museum, a raucous young scamp of only 73. But after a recent bout of genital cancer was removed, he’s back in the sack both figuratively and literally, and enjoying a healthy sex life with his harem of three females, much like his idol, Hugh Hefner.

Andrew and I have covered tuatara’s before, namely a robotic one. Native only to New Zealand, tuataras are considered “living fossils” existed side by side with the dinosaurs. They are the only surviving members of the ancient order, Sphenodontia, and are equally related to both snakes and lizards.

Watch out Sarasota, Florida…only approximately 84 years until Andrew and I are 110ish and looking for 75 year old Lolitas.


  1. #1 Jives
    August 6, 2008

    That’s hot.
    Fathers hide you’re octogenarian reptiles.

  2. #2 Nick
    August 6, 2008

    I love Tuatara, and it’s great to see captive breeding success. But, your comment on tuatara and dinosaurs is misleading. Birds and crocodiles are the closest living relatives of dinosaurs. Tuatara are closer to lizards and snakes. See:

    But then that’s nowhere near as bad as this article:

    In the first paragraph, they say Tuatara are descendents of dinosaurs (only birds are). In the third, they say they are a descendent of a reptile that was living with the dinosaurs. It makes me want to bash my head on the desk.

  3. #3 Elf Eye
    August 6, 2008

    “one of the closest relatives of the dinosaur”

    I can understand that, but the MSNC.com coverage starts out with this phrase: “An indigenous New Zealand reptile regarded as one of the last living descendants of the dinosaurs.” Descendants? That’s not right, is it? I thought only the avian dinosaurs survived.

  4. #4 Mike Keesey
    August 6, 2008

    That’s pretty awesome, but I have to also chime in on your dinosaur comment. Tuataras are not particularly close to dinosaurs; they are no closer to dinosaurs than are snakes or lizards. The closest living relatives of dinosaurs are crocodylians, and, of course, birds are living dinosaurs.

    If you want to choose a physically impressive group of Mesozoic reptiles to ally tuataras with, then mosasaurs are much, much closer than dinosaurs (although still not terribly close).

  5. #5 Andrew
    August 6, 2008

    you win this round 3lb monkey brain (we updated the post accordingly)… but we’ll meet again.

  6. #6 Zach Miller
    August 6, 2008

    Geeze, that’s a good-lookin’ tuatara! No wonder he has such luck with the ladies. Sucker looks absolutely ancient, what with all the cones and spikes. And tuataras are pretty big, aren’t they? As in between one and two feet lone? I really want a pet tuatara, although I’m not sure how the cat would respond. 🙂

  7. #7 milkshake
    August 7, 2008

    “Stanley, you surprised me – you were so vigorous last night, you were a stud! Just like when we first met before the Great War!” “I am glad that you were happy, Emily. The candles that you lit on that shelf above the bed, the wax was dripping down on me…”

  8. #8 Benny
    August 8, 2008

    M Shake – That had better be a line from a movie, b/c if you just made that up I’m going to wretch.

  9. #9 milkshake
    August 8, 2008

    its just one of many East-European jokes, and most of these have roots in Jewish jokes invented centuries ago by Talmudic scholars in Galicia (now Poland).

    “Listen Moishe, I sell you my wife – what do you offer?” “Nothing”. “OK – it’s a done deal!”

  10. #10 Envious
    August 9, 2008

    Tura lura lura, I love my tuatara
    I’ll be a happy pappy when the Easter eggs age
    They thought I was a late bloomer
    Turns out I had a tumor
    Now I get so silly when Tillie’s in my cage

    Tura lura lura, I’ve got cousins in the Jura
    (T-Rex would have quailed to see my prepubescent rage)
    I’ve no rival at survival
    (Begats of the Bible are a libel)
    A Human’s zoas are no moa ere I’ve left my latent stage

  11. #11 Andrew
    August 11, 2008

    Envious – that’s awesome

  12. #12 Buffybot
    August 15, 2008

    I have petted a tuatara – it was dry and rough, but strangely soft. They run about 12 to 18 inches long, including tail.

  13. #13 Paula
    August 22, 2008

    Hugh Hefner, Tuataras nothing. Mzee (of the famous hippo tortoise relationship), a giant tortoise at Haller Park is over 133 and he’s regularly seen humping little Toto who is only 40! So far no “Junior’s” but that doesn’t stop the old man from trying

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