Zooillogix

A pair of gay penguins at Polar Land in Harbin, north east China has taken to stealing the eggs of straight couples and leaving rocks in place to fool their victims. The penguins, named Anderson Cooper and Clay*** by the zoo keepers, have been outed by their fellow penmates and have since been ostracized by the flock. Fearing for the stress levels of the flock, keepers have taken Anderson and Clay out of their enclosure and segrated them alone in a pen of their own.

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“Did you see little miss happy feet the other day? That new beak gloss was a travesty against all things good in this world!…” “Um, I KNOW it. I mean, wooo-ooooh, wooo-ooooh, someone call the Antarctic Fashion Police!”

When asked about the decision to separate the gay penguin couple, one keeper told the Austrian Times newspaper as reported in the Daily Telegraph, “It’s not discrimination. We have to fence them separately, otherwise the whole group will be disturbed during hatching time.”

Either way, 51 percent of Californians applauded the zoo’s decision. “When it comes to penguin rights, separate but equal sounds good to us,” a spokesman for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints from nearby Utah was quoted as saying.

Instances of animal homosexuality are recorded all over the science kingdom (including by us), and prove, once and for all, that when you don’t believe in genes, evolution or science, homosexuality is merely a choice of lifestyle.

***The names Anderson Cooper and Clay may not have actually been used by the keepers at the zoo, and may in fact have been invented by me.

Props to our Staff Researcher, Nick Van Der Horst, for uncovering this story…

Comments

  1. #1 Pierce R. Butler
    December 1, 2008

    That these two merry pranksters should be able to devise and implement that rock-substitution ploy – while the straights don’t even have the brainpower to notice it – puts them into a class (not just an pen) by themselves!

  2. #2 mullins
    December 1, 2008

    LOVE the gay animal stories. However, the gay animal story stereotyped dialogue is less lovely. Even worse: not very funny. (Also, typo: “bleak”?) Moreover, you don’t need it: these stories sell themselves!

  3. #3 Romeo Vitelli
    December 1, 2008

    Heaven forbid that they should give the gay penguins an orphan chick to raise. The fundies would start squawking about penguin family values.

  4. #4 nurby
    December 2, 2008

    I was born to a gay mother in California, and I’m glad no straight person thought of substituting me with a rock! This story made me laugh outloud, even though Prop 8 made me cry.

  5. #5 Jenbug
    December 2, 2008

    I do love me some gay animal stories.

    Isn’t there a children’s book about gay parents that has something to do with penguins?

    Yay, Google-fu! The book’s title is ‘And Tango Makes Three!’

    And a link: http://www.amazon.com/Tango-Makes-Three-Peter-Parnell/dp/0689878451/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228237764&sr=1-1

    The story is about some zookeepers noticing a pair of committed male penguins trying to incubate a rock, so they give them an egg to incubate. I am melting with teh cuteness right now.

  6. #6 Katie
    December 2, 2008

    Can north east China get anymore liberal? Next thing you know, they’ll be granting civil liberties to EVERYone.

  7. #7 ym
    December 2, 2008

    they both look quite buff

  8. #8 Rick Quarton
    December 2, 2008

    We had a couple of alternative lifestyle Canadian geese living in the field across from us for awhile. We were sure they would invite their like-minded friends over and have those parties you hear about where they do all that icky stuff together. When this kind of element moves into your neighborhood, there go the property values and god help you if you have kids. Thank god they flew on. Why can’t they just leave us alone?

  9. #9 oien
    December 3, 2008

    It’s very interesting

  10. #10 The Traveler
    December 3, 2008

    Who knew? I wonder what else China has been keeping a secret?

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    November 19, 2009

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    Neyse
    Thanks… :D koLay geLe.

  12. #12 GrupMezar
    November 19, 2009

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    koLay geLe…

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    November 19, 2009

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  14. #14 sikiş izle
    November 15, 2010

    was born to a gay mother in California, and I’m glad no straight person thought of substituting me with a rock! This story made me laugh outloud, even though Prop 8 made me cry.

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    July 2, 2012

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  16. good list …many thanks for sharing it

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