by Katie the lowly intern
Just when you started to feel comforted by the surge of popular culture embracing cephalopods on TV, apparel and porn, scientists spoon out a dose of brutal reality. Researchers from University of Melbourne, University of Brussels and Museum Victoria have revealed another terrifying fact about octopuses. It's not enough that they can squirt ink, have beaks, move by jet propulsion, change colors in seconds, turn their eyes to keep their pupils horizontally oriented, have no bones and most horrifically: have eight arms... but give very few hugs*.
The original octo-mom.
Dr. Brian "Frightening" Fry, from U. of Melbourne, and his fellow octologists found that genes obtained from tissue samples showed that someone somewhere early in the evolution of cephlopods produced a venom protein. With each new generation, more proteins were added until now- as Dr. Fry puts it rather bombastically- they "have assembled their arsenals" of toxins.
Meaning that while the blue-ringed octopus is known to be extremely poisonous to humans, causing paralysis and respiratory arrest, it turns out many many more species are venomous. Just not so much to humans. Or maybe its like the daddy-long legs which has "the most powerful venom in the world, but just can't pierce human skin" which I learned on good authority from the kid down the block. Whatever the case, other creatures, like clams and crabs, aren't so lucky. The venom quietly shuts down their nervous system so the octopus can leisurely peck out their insides.
Big banks are not the only thing with toxic assets.
The team of researchers claim, of course, that this could lead to advancements in the treatment of cancer. It could also lead to the advancement of my nightmares.
* video of an actual octopus hug:
Life Science
Comments
Good work Katie.
You're really earning that unpay.
Posted by: Jives | April 22, 2009 11:20 AM
Yikes!!!! Be very afraid!!
Posted by: Angel | April 22, 2009 12:37 PM
Knowing all this is going to make it really hard to eat them.
Posted by: ym | April 22, 2009 3:05 PM
I wonder if they have the 'Survivor' soundtrack running all the time at that aquarium, or just for octopus attacks.
Poor little shark.
Posted by: juliagoolia | April 22, 2009 5:52 PM
Katie,if you think this is going to stop me from sleeping with octopuses. You're wrong. Dead wrong.
Posted by: Benny | April 22, 2009 6:32 PM
I'll be invoicing you for the cost of replacing my computer monitor, which I've just put my fist through after reading this twaddle being propagated.
Posted by: Christopher Taylor | April 22, 2009 9:18 PM
Andrew told me that was true.
Posted by: Katie, LI | April 22, 2009 11:42 PM
Christopher has obviously never indulged in an 8 tarsi OTPHJ
Posted by: Andrew | April 23, 2009 4:59 PM
My ex was a cuddle-less cuttlefish.... Katie do u like to cuddle?
Posted by: christopher guerra | April 24, 2009 1:58 AM
Katie loves to cuddle and encourages strangers to stop in for discreet cuddling sessions. Her address is:
15-00 Hazen St.,
East Elmhurst, N.Y.
11370
Coincidentally, Katie shares this address with the Riker's Island facility that houses inmates with AIDs.
Posted by: Andrew B | April 24, 2009 10:17 AM
I'll be invoicing you for the cost of replacing my computer monitor, which I've just put my fist through after reading this twaddle being propagated.
Posted by: Hiphop | June 15, 2009 3:54 PM
thank thank you very good
Posted by: Rap | June 15, 2009 3:56 PM