awareness

Weekend Digression: When My Best Friend Committed Suicide

esiegel — Sun, 10 Feb 2013 17:58:15 +0000

Weekend Digression: When My Best Friend Committed Suicide

"To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill." -Aristotle

"I think suicide is sort of like cancer was 50 years ago. People don't want to talk about it, they don't want to know about it. People are frightened of it, and they don't understand, when actually these issues are medically treatable." -Judy Collins

The fall of 2007 wasn't so long ago; maybe you can remember where you were clearly for yourself. For me, I had recently finished graduate school, had even more recently met my then-partner (and now-wife) Jamie, and in June of that year, we moved across the country to Tucson, Arizona, where I had just started working as a postdoctoral research associate. I also had a new favorite song for-the-moment about growing up,

Painting,

by Storyhill. I was 29 years old. And one early morning, on my way to work, I got a phone call from my old office-mate in graduate school. I hadn't heard from him in a while, and he sounded more upset than I'd ever heard him before. My best friend from graduate school, the night before, had committed suicide.

That's Wayne on the left, from Halloween in 2003. Sorry that this is the only photo I have of him; I'm in the middle.

I remember meeting him back in 2001, when I was starting out as a grad student in Florida. He was finishing up a masters in electrical engineering, and was taking a couple of the physics graduate courses to see how serious his love for it was. We had a lot of things in common: we were loud, we were brash, we were ambitious, and each had big personalities. We also had a lot of hard work ahead of us to achieve what we wanted and learn what we desired to know, and became good friends right away.

We'd spend hours and hours together late into the night, figuring out what thousands of students before and after us struggled to figure out: how to make accurate sense of the physical phenomena in our Universe. We'd teach each other how to solve the problems the other one didn't know, share math tricks, and generally made each other stronger.

We also became good friends outside of grad school. We ran and worked out together, I introduced him to ultimate frisbee, he taught me to play hockey. We introduced one another to better and better alcohol. We drank too much together. One time he got into a fight at a bar and I leapt to defend him. That was the definition of a good friend to him, and in a way it cemented our friendship. (We wrestled once to see who would win, and I lasted all of a shameful 90 seconds against him. I didn't know it at the time, but he had studied Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and was impressed I'd given him the challenge I did.) We spurred each other on to go on adventures: we learned to rock climb and snowboard together, we went mountain biking in the sketchiest, most flooded places despite not even knowing what we were doing.

And all the while, we helped each other succeed in the most difficult graduate courses offered in theoretical physics, even as we went down our own paths: me in astrophysics, him in mathematical physics. We went to some of the same physics conferences and supported each other, and shared our hopes and dreams for our individual careers and lives. What we wanted to study, what problems we wanted to solve, what professors we aspired to work with, and what we wanted as people.

Wayne was married the entire time I knew him, and was as supportive as a married friend could ever be to a single person. I met his little sister, whom he loved and worried about tremendously. I met his mom and stepdad, who he was proud had found happiness with each other. I met his wife and his in-laws, who were always kind and generous to me, and even hosted me for Christmas one year. He introduced me to his towering Great Dane of a dog, Mortimer, who successfully converted me from a cat person into a dog-and-cat person. And he was always supportive of my misadventures in dating, no matter where they brought me. He never judged me for it. He was a good friend, and knowing him was a great part of being alive.

By time the beginning of 2006 came around, I was getting close to graduating. I had three publications under my belt and was working on another one (and my dissertation); Wayne had maybe another year to go but was starting to get close, too. But his life had hit a snag; his relationship with his wife had hit the rocks, and he was having a hard time coping with it. In the midst of that, while playing ultimate frisbee, he ruptured his Achilles tendon, and had to walk in a boot.

You never know what kind of darkness someone wrestles with in their own internal world. By mid-2007, I knew that Wayne was having a hard time. His wife had split up with him, and he was having a hard time accepting it. He talked a lot about how he'd wanted kids, and how it was so important to him to have one, stable marriage his whole life through, like his parents never did. He was always so strong in so many ways, I never expected that suicide would even be an option in his mind. On the night of September 20th, 2007, he called me and left me a voicemail. It sounded very cryptic, like he was going away somewhere. It didn't quite sit right with me, so I called him back, and we talked for a while. I asked him what was going on, and he told me about a girl he had started seeing. He told me he was at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey, some vicodin and some other drugs.

Maybe I should have known. Maybe if I had, there was something I could've done, or something I could've told him. Maybe I would have told him about PostSecret or Hopeline. Maybe I would have yelled at him for thinking about throwing away 40 or 50 awesome years because he couldn't face one or two that promised to be very difficult. Maybe I would have reminded him of how strong he was, and told him all the things I knew that he was proud of in himself. Maybe I would have invited him out to Arizona, to take some time and get away from his stresses. Maybe I would have talked to his other friends and been aware of his prior suicide attempts, the ones he never told me about. Maybe I could have been a better listener, or been a better friend at the end.

But I was what I was, no less, no more. I was never one to judge, and I thought the girls, the whiskey, and the drugs were just his ways of dealing with his difficulties. I told him I loved him and I wanted him to be happy, and that's all anyone should ever want for him. I said goodbye, never knowing that I was saying goodbye forever. The next morning, he was found having hung himself.

Once he was gone, there was nothing to do except grieve. I flew back to Florida for the memorial service, and got very drunk with his family and friends, telling stories about Wayne and how we best remembered him. When I got back home, I took something of mine that reminded me of him and burned it, doused it in water, and buried it in my backyard. I built a rock cairn on top of it with a big "W" in front of it. For many weeks, I couldn't let go of my friend who was gone. Finally, one night I had a dream about him, and he told me that nothing could hurt him anymore. We all have our own ways of making sense of our grief, I suppose.

Image credit: the recipient of the 2010 Wayne R. Bomstad II award, with the department chair at center and Wayne's mom at right.

I still stay in touch with his mom (above, right), who's started a scholarship at Florida in Wayne's name, and with his sister, who I do my best to be as close to an adoptive brother as I can.

It's more than five years later, and sometimes I still can't believe that he's gone. There's so much to life that he'll never get to have, and whenever I think about him I think about how much he's missed, and how many things have happened that he would have loved to experience and share in. But most of all, I still just miss my friend.

I'll never know the depths of pain that he was feeling or why he thought that suicide was the only way to end it, but I know he wasn't the only one who's ever felt that way. If you or anyone you know has suicidal thoughts or other symptoms of depression, there is help. There are people to talk to, there's counseling, there's treatment, and there's hope. Please don't wait until it's too late, and know that the National Suicide Prevention Hotline -- 1-800-273-TALK (8255) -- is always open.

They say that suicide touches us all, and I have chosen to no longer remain silent about how it's touched me. Thank you for letting me share this very personal story with you. The Universe misses you, Wayne, but mine is all the more bright for having known you, even if you left it far too soon.

esiegel Sun, 02/10/2013 - 12:58

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awareness

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suicide

right and wrong

Thank you Ethan for this

I will raise a glass for Wayne right after posting this comment
I will think about how I must listening harder to others

Michael

that's "listen"

Thank you Ethan for sharing this with me. As
Wayne's mom, your words are beautiful and so complimentary to my son. I go through each day wishing I could have done more. I did not understand nor acknowledged how sick my son was with depression. His single spaced letter said it so plain. He felt like he was in a valley of darkness with no way out. In the counseling I have been involved in since, these words are so common with people with depression. I LOVE him so much. He was a true delightful son to raise with so much energy, ambition, interests, love of live, sports, math, friends and always ready to try something new. He would try to be his best at everything he did. I still do that. I tried to be the best mom and now have the most wonderful husband so I can be the best loving wife possible.
As a child, he excelled in so many things starting with jumping ditches with his bike at 5 with 2 sets of stitches within a month. He never had anything less than an A in every subject until he discovered some social friends and events in high school.
His friends are still very special to me including Ethan, who I always will be fond of and keep in touch.
He tried T-ball, soccer, swimming, football, baseball, and enjoyed hockey so much. He was fortunate to go to Russia to play with a Florida team.
Wayne was an avid reader who taught himself to read before he was 4. He liked science fiction including Star Wars, stories by Stephen King, and many other authors, movies and of course video games.
I miss him everyday and also have dreams about him all the time. One dream, he told me not to worry as he was okay.
Throughout college, he received many awards at USF including outstanding Engineer when he graduated. He had 1 patent, had 2 publishes, and received awards at UF with so many accomplishments.
Thank you University of Florida for being Wayne's support, home with every opportunity any Graduate student could desire.
Thank you for this opportunity to share my son's life with you.
Henrietta Shuminsky, Wayne's Proud Mom

Wayne was an awesome friend. I'll never forget his laugh.

Graduate school itself can be extremely stressful. The psychological challenges can be larger than the intellectual ones. This may not have been part of Wayne's story, but some grad student environments are truly inhumane. I just found out about the National Graduate Student Crisis Line (1-800-GRAD-HLP). ...20 years after I could have used it.... http://www.gradresources.org/menus/chronicleAug2012.shtml
Another resource to call, even if you are not having suicidal thoughts.

Unfortunately men's suicides are more successful that women's.

Knowing that, we men need to teach ourself and each other to ask for help explicitly. We need to explicitly tell a friend our suicidal thoughts. We need to explicitly ask our friend about their suicidal thoughts.

Very few people that I know, have never had the feeling of complete hopelessness, that complete despair that their life is over. I mean most adults deny it; but most young people admit it.

Denial is one way of coping. But remember "males die much more often by means of suicide than do females, although reported suicide attempts are 3 times more common among females than males.... The incidence of completed suicide is vastly higher among males than females among all age groups in most of the world. In the United States, the ratio varies between 3:1 to 10:1." wikipedia

So guys DO NOT DENY your suicidal feelings past or present. Talk, be open to your friends, to a shrink, to someone who can listen. It may save your life or a friends.

Not everyone can listen. It was too hard even for my mom to hear my pain. THAT'S OK. My mom told me she loved me and that was enough. But my shrink LISTENED and knows everything important.

If you think it is easy being a shrink; just try listening to some blathering idiot planning to jump off a bridge week after week after week. That'd be me.

Seeing my psychiatrist was a fortunate necessity.

Wayne should not have died.
It's not Ethan's, Tony's, Henrietta's or anyone's fault. Suicidal depression happens and can happen to almost anyone. It's like a heart attack; but most of us don't know CPR for depression or suspected depression.

CPR for depression is TALK, be OPEN, and LISTEN, LISTEN AND LISTEN. And get professional help for yourself or your friend. INSIST ON IT. (IT'S LIKE WRESTLING YOUR DRUNK FRIEND WHO'S TWICE AS STRONG AS YOU FOR HIS CAR KEYS. JUST DO IT.) Yeah yeah nobody likes psychiatric drugs and we don't want that shit in our medical record and etc. etc.. Denial can wait till later; urgency NOW.

The best thing my shrink ever said to me was, "If you kill yourself; I will kill you."
The second best thing my shrink said to me was, "You have to promise me that you will not kill yourself and that you will call me when you feel suicidal. And you may have these thoughts for a long time to come." And I promised.

You see, guys and gals, if you don't learn CPR for depression; someone is going to end up dead and everyone else is going to end up with a broken heart.. Someone (ourself or someone we love) who given a chance would have had a longer worthy life.

Always take suicide talk and threats seriously.
Learn CPR for depression; someone's HEART IS GOING TO BE BROKEN FOREVER.

And if we fail and our heart is broken. Yes because if our loved one failed; then we also failed. Then what can we do with our broken heart. Look up above at Wayne's mom, smiling, giving an award in her son'e name. That's the example; we live fully and we remember.

I don't understand the importance of the Aristotle quote. Is it to show changing attitudes over time? The meaning of suicide has changed a great deal over time, so it probably doesn't make sense to compare Judy Collins with Aristotle to show that there has been an advance in understanding. I don't agree with Collins that suicide is like cancer. Maybe we are talking about it more, and maybe it is something that in many cases could have been avoided; but it's something that comes from the inner life of the person, and the path someone takes toward it is different than the path anyone else takes, and it's bound up deeply with someone's attitudes and feelings about the most important things in his or her life. Like depression and body image disorders, there is an enormous stigma associated with suicide. The medical model of suicide, like a purely medical model of other mental illnesses, has severe limitations.

The title of Kay Redfield Jamison's book Night Falls Fast (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/suicide/MH00058) suggests one of its main themes: in many cases, the decision to commit suicide often precedes an attempt by a very brief period of time, as short as ten minutes. Someone may have been depressed or having suicidal thoughts for much longer, but moving beyond thoughts or feelings is often fatal. The analogy of CPR makes sense, as suggested above (as opposed to a more general medical model for the whole process). Don't leave the person alone. Don't get off of the phone. Tell the person to promise to wait and sit still until you can come over; these kinds of promises can be very effective at preventing the person from acting. Call the person's primary care doctor and therapist if he or she has one. Get the person to an ER. Cancel everything else you have to do until you can hand the person off to a professional or another trusted individual.

In general, the Internet is a disaster for people contemplating suicide. It's easy to find sites comparing the most painless methods, the most effective, etc. Many religious people and groups see suicide as a time to proselytize, which I suspect is not going to be helpful for many people. Fortunately, there are a good deal of sites aimed at giving information about the nature of suicide, its prevention in both near and short term, and its aftermath. The Medline Plus page on suicide is a good place to start: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/suicide.html. And here is a Mayo Clinic article explaining warning signs and questions to ask someone to assess his or her risk at a given moment: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/suicide/MH00058.

I am pretty sure that (as mentioned above in this thread) the reason men's suicides are more frequently completed is that men are more likely to use guns, and gun suicides are more effective. For example, if you swallow a whole bottle of aspirin, you'll destroy your liver, but can survive, especially if you can get your stomach pumped in time, whereas a firearm is much more lethal.

There are a little more than twice as many suicides as there are murders, looking at ages 1-85: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/statistics/3AGES185.shtml, and almost twice as many for ages 18--65: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/statistics/3AGES1865.shtml.

I have sworn off of reading blog comments and from contributing to them because they usually devolve into rants or worse, and I usually have something important I should be doing instead. But this is different.

CORRECTION to previous comment

The web address for Jamison's Night Falls Fast is http://www.amazon.com/Night-Falls-Fast-Understanding-Suicide/dp/0375701….

I accidentally copied the link to the Mayo Clinic suicide screening page, not a bad place to be misdirected to, I suppose, but still, not what was intended.

Speaking for myself only.
Aristotle's insight is valid today.

“To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice "and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill.” -Aristotle

My contemplated suicide was running away from trouble and it was cowardice and selfish; I wanted to live but I couldn't face life's struggles; and I didn't know what else to do or believe that anything would or could help or change anything. Jumping off a bridge still is my suicidal thought; it may appear brave; but it is not. It takes much more courage to struggle on miserably; if not for oneself, then for those who care about you.

When you look at the irises blooming and you realize that you can no longer feel beauty. When you can't bear to look at your own face in the mirror, let alone shave. When your mind and body are a fog, and you stumble just walking. When you don't want another day and just just want to lie down and never get up. But you show face and pretend confidence day after day; until you can't.

By then, you are neither strong enough to ask for or even accept help. My college daughter told me to see a shrink. I refused. Terrified, not knowing what else to do; she called a shrink. He made a house call to my bedroom; where I lay tormented under covers. There was no courage except that my method of suicide takes a lot of mental and physical effort to execute: climbing to the top of a suspension bridge and jumping.

He was a kind man. He listened long and then he asked, "Did I want to be admitted to a hospital; or did I want to come to his office the next day?" I chose his office and agreed to take the medications (which my daughter would pick up) and I agreed not to commit suicide.

Medications have their important place; but for me talk therapy was more important. For a long time, talk therapy was one long conflicted whine; I was unable to express rage. Eventually, I learned to be appropriately enraged, "How long do I have to struggle like this?"

"As long as it takes."

So that's my personal interpretation of that Aristotle quote.

So us Tough guys aren't afraid to blow our head off, or jump off a bridge or hang ourself; but we're afraid to cry, to tell a friend our pain, to feel and admit our shame and helplessness. And feeling helpless; do we have the courage to ask for help (I didn't) or accept help from a loved one (I didn't) or accept help from a shrink (reluctantly I did; but I didn't like it one bit.)

So enough about me. I'm OK enough. Talk to my shrink next week. Life is hard and good.

A buddy of mine had done and seen everything in the vietnam war.
At home he was a psychological suicidal mess.

He described his VA psychotherapy as follows.
He was sleep deprived and taunted for days. Push in the chest every hour, "Come on tough guy; tell me how you feel. You afraid of your feelings."

He was a tough guy with medals to prove it, a real soldier who could ignore his pain. Most of his buddies died; he had done and seen things that no man admits.

After several days even he admits his pain, the horror and nightmare by crying like a baby.

That's how his therapy began. It was a group kind of therapy which he continued in for 7 years.

It's a hearsay story from a friend. If you are a veteran, I defer to your explanation of VA therapy for post traumatic stress, suicide or whatever...

Ethan, thank you for the thoughtful post and making me think today.

Ethan, it was nice to see Wayne again even if it was only on your blog. Sometimes I also still can't believe he is gone. Brings back memories of all the all-nighters we pulled for QFT...

Ethan-
That meant so much to me what you wrote about my big brother that was my heart and soul,best friend,and rolemodel... I was the last person to talk to him on the phone that night he took his life and i will never understand why he choose me to hear him commit suicide while i was on the phone but i do forgive him.It made me cry when u said u would treat me like your adopted sister since i had lost the most important person in my life.I call you anytime i have troubles when i cant call my brother and tell him things or share joys that come into my life.Im so grateful to have you be there for me,i love ya Ethan! I know my brother doesnt have to go through pain anymore but the pain in my heart will never go away,i miss him everyday of my life. R.I.P my big brohter<3

Hi Ethan: My dad killed himself when I was 12, and I never understood the depths of his depression until I read William Styron's "Darkness Visible." It's a short, great read and I hope you'll read it and find peace. Cay

RIP Wayne

It's been over 20 years since I lost one of my best friends to suicide. I still miss him. Thank you for sharing.

I've struggled with depression for a long time, and often thought about suicide. There are a lot of things I considered saying in this post, but in the end none of them felt right. Except this: thank you for sharing Wayne's story and raising awareness. Suicide is tragic and when it happens it's no-one's fault, but sometimes just having someone to share with can be enough to make a difference. And on that note, maybe this short Valentine's Day rhyme will put a smile on someone's face:

Long waves are red,
Short waves are blue,
E is m (c to the power of 2).
Each wavelength of light
Has its own unique hue;
I'm made of physics
And so are you.

Thank you.
My brother committed suicide 18mos ago after struggling w/mental illness for years. he was a compassionate competent nurse, a wonderful musician and a loving husband and father. He tried so hard, we tried so hard. Brain stuff is so very tricky.

Moving thoughts Ethan... My brother killed himself.. It was the mid 80's and he had aids.. He felt it a death sentance after watching his partner drain unto a shell.

The Aristotle quote hit me hard. Thanks for posting this.

Thank you for posting this. One of my best friends just did it and you're words are more consoling than any website. You've described everything I feel now. Thank you. RIP Wayne.
RIP Alex.

Physical injury plus lack of sex/love = suicide.
That is the formula for suicide.

My dearest friend, Tess, gave up on life three werks ago. She was the most stable person i knew. She helped me clean up from a three gram per day cocaine habit, let me cry when i needed to. Helped me through the deaths of the matriarchs of my family, and introduced me to a healthy way of life. She helped so many people through hard times and left judgement behind. She died in a mental health facility after being released the night before. I need help to get through this

Remeber your first band ravish. Still think of you

Ps message was for shannon b

our friend has been gone since Aug 2013. he left this earth to give his wife everything. If we had known, we would have given her everything to keep him here. we miss him so much.

Who are you? Mjlover8sixtree?

It was a heart wrenching story..but I can feel how sometimes life hangs heavy;it's not only about problem, but can be lack of it too, which drives people mad. The immense boredom and ennui over powers us.. RIP Wayne. Thank u for posting it. Sincerely

A friend...

The illusion of time: Perceiving the effect before the cause

neurophilosophy — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:50:39 +0000

The illusion of time: Perceiving the effect before the cause

A novel temporal illusion, in which the cause of an event is perceived to occur after the event itself, provides some insight into the brain mechanisms underlying conscious perception. The illusion, described in the journal Current Biology by a team of researchers from France, suggests that the unconscious representation of a visual object is processed for around one tenth of a second before it enters conscious awareness.

Chien-Te Wu and his colleagues at the Brain and Cognition Research Centre in Toulouse used a visual phenomenon called motion-induced blindness, in which a constantly rotating background causes prominent and motionless visual stimuli to disappear and reappear, as demonstrated in the video below. Fixate on the flashing green spot in the centre, and you'll notice that the surrounding yellow spots begin to disappear and reappear after about ten seconds. Then replay the clip and focus on any of the yellow spots; you'll see that it is a visual disappearance illusion. Exactly how it works is unclear; according to one hypothesis it is due to the properties of neurons in area V1 of the visual cortex.

The researchers first used a variation of these stimuli to test the occurence and duration of the motion-induced blindness effect. In these pre-test trials, seven participants were presented with a static yellow ring on a rotating background, and asked to report when the ring disappeared from and reappeared to conscious awareness, by respectively pressing and releasing a button. This was repeated 200 times for each participant, and the reported durations in all trials - between a few hundred milliseconds and several seconds - were plotted onto a graph. The data from each participant were then divided into four equal sets, and the average of the lowest 25% was calculated, to give a value called PreQ₂₅.

In the test trials, a dot was flashed for 50 milliseconds in the location of the ring after it was perceived to disappear. For each participant, this was timed so that the dot appeared at the exact time delay given by the PreQ₂₅ value in the previous trials. In 75% of the trials, the dot was perceived to appear before the reappearance of the ring. As expected, it hastened the perceived reappearance of the ring, as revealed by second graph plotting motion-induced blindness duration. In the remaining trials, the ring should have been perceived to reappear before the dot was flashed. However, the participants reported seeing the ring before the dot in around 90% of trials. Evidently, the perceived time sequence of events had been reversed - the participants reported seeing the cause (the dot) after the effect (the reappearance of the ring).

How might this be explained? One possibility is that the duration of motion-induced blindness was shorter in the test than in the pre-test trials. But further measurements of the duration, carried out during post-test trials, showed that it had not changed significantly across the trials. Another possible explanation is that the flashed dots were also rendered invisible by the illusion, as it was presented in the same location as the ring, but a second experiment ruled this out. The participants were presented with two rings on opposite sides of the roating background. A dot was flashed in the centre of each, half a second after the onset of the illusion, and they were asked to state the order in which they perceived the dots to appear. This was then repeated on a static background. The reported order was the same in both conditions, showing that the illusion had no effect on the perception of the dots.

Wu and his colleagues therefore conclude that the unconscious representation of the ring is perceived with a shorter time delay than the flashed dot. That is, because the visual system contained a representation of the ring before it was rendered invisible, it could reactivated quickly and fast-tracked into conscious awareness when it was perceived to reappear. The flashed dot, on the other hand, was a completely novel stimulus, so took longer to enter the stream of consciousness.

The researchers then carried out another experiment designed to measure the time difference between processing in the conscious and unconsious streams. They repeated the first experiment, but this time introduced a subtle change in the colour of the ring, which occurred at various times relative to the flashed dot. After each trial, the participants reported whether they perceived the ring or the dot first, and were also asked what colour the ring was when it first reappeared. By plotting colour choice against the time of the colour change, the researchers could calculate exactly when the unconscious representation of the ring entered into conscious awareness.

This revealed that the colour change needed to occur about one tenth of a second before the flashing dot in order for the ring and the dot to be perceived as appearing simultaneously. In other words, after the flashed dot induced perception of the ring, the first ring colour that the participants tended to perceive was the colour that the ring had been about 100 milliseconds before the dot appeared, rather than the colour it was at the time the dot was flashed.

Finally, the researchers investigated whether the time illusion could be induced by a time mismatch between the conscious and unconscious representations of the same object, rather than by differences in the time at which two different objects appear. To do so, they modified the last experiment, and introduced a prominent change in the colour of the ring. Here, the dot was not flashed - instead, the colour change occured while the ring was perceptually suppressed, and triggered the ring's early reappearance. The participants were required to state which the colour the ring was when it first reappeared into their awareness. Remarkably, the colour most often reported was the old one, even though it was the change to the new colour that triggered the reappearance of the ring. So although the new colour was registered unconsciously by the visual system, it was the old colour that was perceived when the ring reappeared.

Related:

Wu, C.-T., et al (2009). The Temporal Interplay between Conscious and Unconscious Perceptual Streams. Curr. Biol. DOI: 10.1016/j.cub.2009.10.017.

neurophilosophy Fri, 11/06/2009 - 06:50

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motion induced blindness

I think this may help you to understand;

Years ago,after leaving the armed services, I was abducted by Grays that are working for "the Federation".
The Federation is "a NATO type organization", of Grays,
Reptilian, Moth men,(all non human types about 42 different beings mostly violent military males ) different recessive beings too, that are discussed in various
contact books, and thousands of internet sites for the smart people to learn and study.
I was taken to the Federation by physical, barely visible in our spectrum.. I used infrared/spectrum lenses goggles,to see them
race of sub space beings. Regressive Beings working with Grays, called the White Brotherhood. After my negative experiances
of many years I learned from the Grays themselves ,(they abducted me for sperm, surgical removal, as they do with womens eggs all around the world),
This is what I know to be true: 1. all extraterrestrials are physical carbon based,
silicon based, or molecular based beings,including the ones who use magnetic field tecnology to cloak themselves, travel or
appear as a humans, i.e. stable plasmon technology. These technologies can be detected with geiger counters,
and magnetic field detectors sold "on line", directional is preferred....find the electrical devices on them,and around them in their nearby craft.
For your homes and cars..some of the Gray and reptilian devices can be disrupted by Mhz frequency devices built at home,
someone could make a small fortune selling better portable particle and wave detection, and disruption devices for our pockets.
High voltage tazer weapons as well, work. As with hand held powerful battery operated magnets,in close proximaty some can interfere
with gray technologies. Magnetic shielding paint can shield a room in your house where no EMF or ELF is detected! Other
races of sub space
beings have technology that I have seen, are defended against with hand lasers, built at home!!
2.Critical, we are not the only humans in the universe or multiverse...there are humans from Lyra, Pleadians,
Andromidan, Cassiopeian, Simion and billions more! 3, Even more important the Gray Federation is using Religion to "Dumb Down",
all of us on earth. 3. All Religions are false, there is no god, only Extraterrestrials and human support groups from other
worlds, the earths which NASA is just now locating are inhabited.

Our military is being attacked by the Grays ,(google on the internet), and
Reptilian Federation all the time, all the time, The shootings at Army bases world wide are mind controlled by the Gray Federation,
as is the sweat lodge incident , 911, and the current state of our economy and health...chem trails,
( 8-120 MHZ broadband mind control technologies piggybacked on T.V. cell phone and cable, important for you to remember).
A strategy used by the Grays and others is to mind control in the name of Religions, a not so well informed
person into doing the killing or attack on our government. Obama needs to know this as he has been manipulated openly by the federated grays,
those of us who understand Gray, Reptilian Military mind control Strategy and Tactics( for example...
Jesus is my mentor and I
am speaking with him now, no!! Jesus is dead It was told to me Jesus did exist , but he is dead it's an ET who learned earth languages.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
It is not Obamas fault,
nor is it Hilliary Clintons fault...it was not President Kennedy fault, but the Gray military Federation did kill him in part
because the Grays and others did not want us in Space.

It's being done mainly because these other types of ET"s, Grays, reptilian Snake beings, insectoid which are more technically advanced
and regressive in the way they think and act are working together against humans, abducting women for there experiments etc.

As we speak somewhere on earth a child is being abducted for food by the reptilians, and or for DNA by the grays I know!!!
There are technologies you can buy to protect yourselves, guns, tazers high volts, mind brain protection velostat caps,velostat 3M
shielding material also works in many labs with high emf use.
at home depot, particle dectors magnetic particle detectors...Critical infrared binoculars,
portable magnetic field room detectors, they have through chem trails and dropping poisons form the ships into our water supply,
use water filters and A/C hepa filters, our government needs to do more to protect its population.!! WE must invent
better ways of protection against these recessive extraterrestrial races, mind defense technologies and home shielding as well
as robots to detect and defend!!!
Have extra food at home for your family, it is no coincidence that in the movies on
abduction and on aliens we are seeing a lot of ET films, on T.V. "V", house, etc...They are signaling massive problems ahead,
maybe another war? The humans from hollywood, like me are trying to through this note, and films to
inform you of the risks we are in! 2012, alien mind control, H1N1 gray federation attacks on humans.

The Gray Federation ruined myself and family like they did with Alex collier, and Billy Meir, Michael Salla and others... I know about the
Photon belt we are entering please look it up on the internet...many friendly human races are trying to help us now
When I was at the Gray army here in Santa FE, N.M.base, I did see many things, I have a PhD, I'M a quick learner and
can now read their sumerian type alphabet and words... I was taken on one type of craft they use, how they fly and what they use in them...the saucer
shaped craft use electrical batteries as propulsion power, in the middle of some saucers there is a large circular ceiling to floor
barrel structure it contains lithium type batteries extremely high voltage charges. The craft are made of layered and compressed metals titanium compounds,
the outer skin is electrified to reduce and eliminate drag and atmospheric resistance. Inside the saucer is a network of Compressed
frequency transmitting fiber optics for controls and for ON BOARD GUIDENCE SYSTEMS, SIMPLE. THEY USE THE EARTHS MAGNETIC AND GRAVATATIONAL FIELDS TO FLY.
THE COPPER CLINDER CIRCLES ON TOP OF THE CRAFT AND BOTTOM SPIN, PICTURE TWO SMALLER CIRCULAR DISKS ON TOP AND BOTTOM
SPINING INDEPENDENTLY OF THE SAUCER. THEY CHARGE UP..THAT DIFFERENTIAL OF CHARGES INTERACTS
WITH A PLANETS OR SPACES MAGNETIC FIELDS FOR LIFT AND MOVEMENT. THE SAUCERS ARE SHIELDED TO PREVENT EXPLOSIONS AND TO PREVENT
MAGNETIC FIELD INTERACTIVITY......(THE OUTER SHELL IS CHARGED UP TO FLY W/O RESEISTANCE, IT STINGS when touched electrical pulse).
...I'M NOT A PHYSICS MAJOR BUT DID STUDY SOME ENGENERING.

They are trying to mind control our socities through Mhz frequency control, we think in about 11-80 Mhz,
and they use computers and oscilloscope combo. type MRI type equipment to read thoughts as we read print or a scientist reads peaks on a
graph, as well as gravitational field tech. to beam in false info.
Shield your brains and spinal cords!!!
All of our military and armed forces should wear velostat (signal protection electrical grounded materials on your head)
caps and monitor the frequency changes around them, the
government of the USA ours, needs to be informed of the grays methods and take steps to help each other, protect our
families people this is real....(people in Britian were not ready, prepared for WWII, Study military history )
...(we have a very weak and complacent military/police/NSA/CIA/) The Grays have even infiltrated some gov't individuals
in these agencies.......................!!! Just because you were in church on sunday and you see people speaking in tongs,
falling to the floor, and saying they are talking to god? there is no god only ET groups, ET governments.

Love
Dan

P.S. This was written under partial duress......they know where I live. Pass the info on.

The Federated reptilian/gray/insectoid societies are using harmful
technology to harm the human mind, causing
memory loss and fatigue...FIGHT BACK, I use the above mentioned technology
and when I go out and they start to harm my body with high intensity back spasm devices
i.e. microwave, particle , mind control. I use my mind and picture each attacker
being attacked by me. They hate loud music, food odors, perfumes, light, and our
minds killing them...! I keep a gun and tazer by my side always now!!!

Listen to this highly educated old man, if you see a craft these are not dolls, these are recessive
violent, harmful, controlling alien males..read the info on the net with a grain of salt,
why haven't they come forward? They wont because of violent abductions, use logic.
Protect your brains!!! stay away from them, Betty and Barney Hill were assaulted,
all of the abduction cases are harmful rape and kidnapping humans, we in the USA have laws
against these crimes yet our government turns in another direction. Because they control some
people in our not one world gov't yet.

Space is alot more crowded than most people know, extremely dangerous NASA knows..Our Rocket
systems and defense systems are frail...

Connect the dots.........biology, secrect governments, mind control, abductions,
alien tecnologies genetic and magnetic, and we wonder where
they come from reverse designs from crashed UFO...s

Wow! The way the mind works is really wild. Thanks for this posting.

Crazy! I find that when the yellow dots disappear, and I notice it, that my eyes seem to re-scan (I can feel it!) and they pop back up. The harder I try to concentrate on the blinking green dot, the longer the yellow disappear for. But it's hard!

The illusion in the video reminds me somewhat of the illusion that Jack Pettigrew associated with hemispheric rivalry, as in this television report (which no longer contains video, only transcript and links). I don't know what the current consensus is about that, but I certainly found it interesting at the time.

Sounds like perceptual frame-snapping.
I have seen wheel spokes appear to reverse rotation when they get aroune 10 rpm - in broad daylight - not stroboscopic.

Fascinating.

(This may be a naive idea of what's going on, or maybe it's just rephrasing what you've said in other terms. If so, then apologies.) But surely the illusion in the first video must involve a story featuring at least two things. a) We know that there are fewer color receptors at the periphery of the eye (which would explain why the illusion is more effective when you're closer to the picture and the picture is enlarged). b) The receptors are color-sensitive, so perhaps the perception of yellow is "crowded out" by the blue background.

(Granted, that wouldn't be enough of a story, because we also need to explain why movement matters. I guess then memory must play a role, perhaps in the way you so clearly explained later in the post.)

Leading up to my question: would the same effect happen if the background matrix were a different color?

"it could reactivated quickly and fast-tracked into conscious awareness when it was perceived to reappear"

What does it mean for something to come "into" consciousness? Doesn't this ascribe some unity to consciousness? On what basis? Why should there be a sharp dividing line between activity in the brain that is related to conscious versus unconscious phenomena?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_Drafts_Model

Here's a very interesting 44 min. talk by Prof. Meister from Harvard that he gave at the place where I work a few days back on the subject of visual perception and some amazing stuff that the neurons in the retina do.

Unfortunately the demos are not visible due to the way the talk was recorded.

"In the remaining trials, the ring should have been perceived to reappear before the dot was flashed. However, the participants reported seeing the ring before the dot in around 90% of trials."

Doesn't this mean they saw what was predicted 90% of the time, in contradiction to your conclusion:

"Evidently, the perceived time sequence of events had been reversed - the participants reported seeing the cause (the dot) after the effect (the reappearance of the ring)."

Fascinating as usual.

I've been aware of this for some years now, and this article gave me a name for it. I believe this phenomenon can account for some motor vehicle accidents, where a driver fails to see a significant object along his way due to distraction of other moving objects in his visual field, or due to flashing lights along the road. The giant LED movie screens now being erected along major highways may thus have some unfortunate consequences for the traveling public.