I love egregious examples of faux-scientific jargon and weird portrayals of the research process in advertising. I just noticed that Rembrandt, the company that makes tooth whitening systems, has a couple of doozies. From their “Brilliant Science” website:
At REMBRANDT®, we believe if you want to make something different, you have to do things a little differently. That’s why we like to think outside the lab (which is, in actuality, a giant box). Who knows when a cloud in the sky or guitar playing in the park will lead to the next bit of amazingness. It’s this novel, creative approach to science that has led us to think differently about our mouth.
This is like Apple ad copy (Think Different!) crossed with a preschool activity schedule (giant boxes, clouds, parks, guitars). But wait! According to the copy on their 2 Hour Whitening Kit,
As we continue to make great advances in oral care, sometimes we have to stop and enjoy a good laugh. Laughing releases endorphins, neurotransmitters that make you feel good. Exposing yourself to the laughter of others can have the same effect.
I’m not sure I like the advice to “expose yourself to the laughter of others.” I mean, is this whitening kit going to turn my teeth green? That would elicit a burst of cortisol, not endorphins.
But I do appreciate the vision of a bunch of scientists working solemnly in the Oral Care lab (which is, in actuality, a giant box), and periodically breaking into eerily synchronized group belly-laughs. Scientists are people too, you know – people who must self-medicate with laughter-induced endorphins because we work in giant boxes.
Still, Rembrandt’s ad team ultimately charmed me with their wacky mission statement, What We Believe:
It’s good to have a mouth.
A healthy mouth that sits inside your head. Right next to your brain. They’re friends, these two. They work together. . . A mouth is the closest you’ll ever get to a person’s mind. Its a direct link to another person’s experience. The power of a healthy mouth that works well shouldn’t be underestimated. Gums stand tall. Teeth white, smiling. Tongue bouncing around. Verbal surprise flying out. That is brilliance.
Okay, okay, you win: my mouth is smiling, if only because that must be among the weirdest series of images ever used to describe the human oral cavity.