Sometimes I feel like I should send Joseph Farah, founder of the Worldnutdaily, a gift. The webmag he founded is such a fountain of sheer stupidity that he makes my job here so much easier. Virtually every day, I could find ample fodder for this blog just by clicking on his page. And now that he has added Alan Sears, the CEO of the Alliance Defense Fund, as a weekly columnist that job should get even easier. The Alliance Defense Fund, you may remember, are the folks who brought us the ridiculous “Declaration of Independence Banned from Classroom” lawsuit that was recently “settled” when they basically admitted that they had no case.
Sears has just joined the Worldnutdaily as a columnist and he’s hit the ground running, pumping out this howler of a column in only his second week on the job. He begins with what surely is one of the most absurd analogies in the history of human thought:
Imagine that tonight, in stadiums all over the United States, Major League Baseball games are disrupted by an invasion of football players, running by dozens and hundreds out onto the diamonds.
“We want to play, too!” the game-crashers cry.
“But this is baseball,” a pitcher points out. “It’s a totally different game.”
“Not fair!” the invaders insist. “We demand that you let us play! And here – use our ball. Re-line the field. And play by our NFL rules!”
“It won’t work,” says a shortstop. “You can’t pitch pigskin.”
“Foul!” scream the footballers to ESPN cameras. “Unsportsmanlike! Boycott baseball!”
The crowd grows restless and bellows their deafening disapproval. The umps’ thumbs are flying: “You’re outta the game!” But the helmeted Huns dig in their cleats.
“These fans are narrow-minded!” they yell. “These umps are bought and paid for! Where’s the justice? What are these ballplayers so afraid of?”
“Football-phobics?” read the morning sports pages, featuring photos of outraged outfielders, shaking their fists at runningbacks spiking balls at home plate.
Absurd? Maybe … but a not-dissimilar scenario is unfolding all over America as increasingly aggressive advocates of homosexual behavior demand legal, moral and cultural endorsement of same-sex “marriage” and other aspects of a demanding legal agenda.
Wow. This guy – a former Federal prosecutor and presumably intelligent fellow – actually thinks this is an accurate analogy to gay marriage. That’s so mind-numbingly idiotic that it isn’t even worth spelling out the ways in which it’s not analogous. If you can’t figure it out on your own, I’m afraid nothing I can say is gonna help you out. This is surreal stupidity. But he’s not done yet, not by a longshot.
Watching their determined efforts to destroy an institution that is the cornerstone of American family life and society, one can’t help but wonder what exactly it is that the ACLU really cares about.
Ah, the good ol’ “gay marriage will destroy marriage” argument. Pray tell how exactly this will happen, Mr. Sears. Will your marriage be destroyed by it? Will anyone’s? Will straight couples suddenly decide not to get married now that gays can do it too? Are straight people that easily dissuaded from forming bonds? If they are, the institution of marriage is already doomed. This is nothing more than empty rhetoric, without a shred of logical reasoning to it whatsoever. And the unreasoned cliches just keep on coming:
Clearly, the ACLU and its allies aren’t staying up nights worrying over the ravaging social and psychological impact of same-sex unions on families and children. Nor do they care about the coarsening of the culture they long to see freed from what they consider its bigoted moral and religious underpinnings.
Ah yes, the “coarsening” of the culture…whatever the hell that means. Surely a reference to the “moral fiber” (polyester, I presume) of the nation can’t be far behind. As for that mythical “ravaging social and psychological impact”, this is simply nonsense. Study after study after study has shown that the children of gay parents are no different than the children of straight parents.
So, having divorced themselves from the best interests of their clients, their society and the law, what exactly do the ACLU’s attorneys love, honor and cherish? Social anarchy? Unbridled hedonism? The dismantling of the American family?
Mr. Sears, I’m going to let you in on a little secret here. I know this is going to come as a huge shock to you, but trust me when I tell you this….ACLU attorneys not only came from families themselves, just like you and I did, most of them have their own families now. Husbands, wives and children they love, just like you do. So we either have to believe that they spend their entire working life with the sole intent of destroying an institution that they themselves belong to and cherish…or we have to believe that you’ve just let you rhyperbolic rhetoric go way off the tracks into looneyville. I think the latter is clearly the more plausible answer.
And for that, Mr. Sears, you have been awarded the Robert O’Brien Trophy as the Idiot of the Month. I’m sending this along with a complimentary bookcase because they’re really piling up in the Worldnutdaily office and I want you to be able to display them proudly. Congratulations!