Creationism is so boring.

Creationist: BIOLOGICAL FEATURE ___ IS IMPOSSIBLAH!

Scientist: Um, Dude, theres like 65 years of research explaining how feature ___ evolved.

Creationist: NO THAT RESEAERCH SUPPORTS JESUS! EVIDENCES OF CREATION!

Scientist: What? No, we have a pretty good idea the evolutionary steps between ___ and ___. Theres no way this research supports special creation. I mean, its actually taught in undergrad biology classes now.

Creationist: NO. I CALCULATED IMPOSSIBLAH. JESUS LOVES ME!

Scientist: … Youre just mashing the keys of your calculator. Thats not a ‘calculation’.

Creationist: EXPELLED! EXPEEEEEEELLLED! YOU ARE BE PURSEICUTING MEH!!! NAZI!! *runs to a school board to get their ‘calculations’ taught in public school science classes*

Thats it. Same thing from YECs, to OECs, to IDCs, decades and decades of that.

We finally have something new.

Creationists propose “Intelligent Recall” theory to explain extinction of species
Hawkins further revealed that God had decided to recall the dinosaurs after rescuing them from the global flood. Hawkins didn’t specify the factors that God considered before recalling any species, proclaiming it to be beyond the capacity of human intelligence.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Parody writers: More creative than Creationists.

Comments

  1. #1 Optimus Primate
    February 20, 2010

    O, to be a paleontologist for just one day so I could name my next discovery Toyotasaurus.

  2. #2 JRQ
    February 20, 2010

    I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed its a parody…I mean its funny, but it would be nice if creationists actually gave us something new to ridicule.

  3. #3 Sili
    February 20, 2010

    They misspelled “Rapture”.

  4. #4 C. Julian
    February 20, 2010

    Finally makes sense! Apocalypse is nothing more than human recall. Do not be afraid anymore -_-’

  5. #5 Tommykey
    February 20, 2010

    So that’s why there are no more unicorns and fire breathing dragons around!

  6. #6 Rrr
    February 20, 2010

    “Hey, Dino, you need to take a brake?”
    That would be in the Prius eon, right …

  7. #7 J-Dog
    February 20, 2010

    I suggest that since CREASONIST BRAINZ don’t work so good that they should ALL be recalled for the necessary “regrooving”.* And if there were a god, it would like ASAP. Excuse, me, like 100 years ago.

    * Thanks to Firesign Theater for the reference.

  8. #8 Anonymic
    February 20, 2010

    George Tirebiter would be proud.

  9. #9 Sascha
    February 20, 2010

    Do you think God will be asked to testify and explain the recall before the House Committee on Oversight and Gov’t Reform?

  10. #10 Tyler DiPietro
    February 20, 2010

    Yeah, but you can’t prove you’re not brains in vats SO I WIN!

    /Rhotard

  11. #11 HalfMooner
    February 20, 2010

    Yeah, that’s well done, but I did something very like that last Novemeber:

    http://www.skepticfriends.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=12367

  12. #12 Prometheus
    February 21, 2010

    Strip the parody tags and e-mail it to Luskin.

    It will keep him busy for weeks.

    Corvairetops.

    Pintodactyl.

  13. #13 tsig
    February 21, 2010

    Keep the parody tags and tell him it had to be published as parody to escape teh censor.

  14. #14 Dale Husband
    February 22, 2010

    Hello. Here is a thought experiment I just performed about religion. Please tell me what you think.

    http://circleh.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/judgement-day/

  15. #15 Tatarize
    February 22, 2010

    I must admit there’s something alluring about the idea of a dinosaur rapture.

  16. #16 BeamStalk
    February 22, 2010

    “I must admit there’s something alluring about the idea of a dinosaur rapture.”

    Wouldn’t that be better as Raptor Rapture?

  17. #17 Pdiff
    February 22, 2010

    Dino Rapture or Left Behind?

    DinoRapture

    Left Behind

  18. #18 Brian
    February 22, 2010

    While I fully realize that this is a parody, it got closer to the truth than I think the authors realized. What I specifically mean by this is well known creationist and pseudo mathematician Dembski just wrote a book on theology called _The End of Christianity_. Here end means purpose.

    In it, he argued for the retroactive redemptive powers of the cross and Christ’s suffering. He made this argument to try and square the existence of natural evil — death and suffering — in an old earth. He argued that the cross can redeem the world for sins and evil that happened before man came about. I’m not kidding.

    While this notion of retroactive redemption is only tangentially related to what we have here, it did remind me of it.

  19. #19 Jen
    February 23, 2010

    So glad we have graduate students like you who know everything. Not like those people with years and years of post grad experience!

  20. #20 Dave
    February 23, 2010

    Jen@19 — Dunno what your comment has to do with Abbie’s post, but you might enjoy the following:

    When you think you know everything,
    They give you your BS.

    When you realize you know nothing,
    They give you your MS.

    When you discover it doesnt matter because no one else knows anything either,
    They give you your PhD.

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