The Battle for Bachmann’s Seat

… is all about the terrain. One might assume that Michele Bachmann’s idiotic public statements on Hardball would be enough to put her down, metaphorically. It certainly was enough for the RNCCC to pull funding, for the DNCCC to toss in a million on behalf of El Tinklenberg, Bachmann’s opponent, and for a couple of million dollars to pour into Tinklenberg’s war chest from zillions of small donations around the country.

But this is not enough. The PEOPLE of the Sixth District have to decide to vote for Tinklenberg rather than Bachmann. What will these voters do?

I know the Sixth district, at least on the surface. I live a few blocks form it and shop in it. At least fourty times a year, I drive the entire length of the Sixth District, often stopping for lunch or dinner at one place or another, or to buy gas. Much of the sixth district is similar demographically to the neighborhood I live in (in the Third district).

The Sixth District is Mullets. There is a barber shop over in Elk River with a sign that says: “Mullets Removed For Free”. What you need to understand is that this barber shop is in the la la chi chi part of Elk River, which is exactly one half a block long and is eyed suspiciously by all of the other residents of this town.

The Sixth District is White Trash living in Single Wides. The biggest fear of the Minnesota Department of Disaster Related Stuff is that one of our famous tornadoes decides to travel down the Route Ten Corridor. Almost all human-made objects bigger than a car along this corridor are boats for sale, boats in storage, RV’s for sale, gazebos for sale, or trailers people live in. You know what they say in Sixth District?

[Switch to slack-jawed-hick accent]

“What’s the difference between a toe-nado and a dee-vorce?”

“I dunno, Jethro, what’s the difference between a toe-nado and a dee-vorce?”

“Nothin’, Jeeter! Either way, somebody’s gonna lose ’emselves a tray-lor!”

[/end accent]

The Sixth District is beer bellied hairy motorcycle papas and mamas. Country style crack houses. Crotch rockets and good ol’ American Built Pickup Trucks usually incapable of driving at more than 55 miles per hour. Which is OK because the dog in the back of the truck prefers it this way.

Black men do not jog in the Sixth District. There are no gay bars, but there are a number of strip joints with “tasteful exotic dancing, ladies welcome.” Road Rage happens here. And Creationism? Well, it’s just another form of Evolution in many of the local public schools.

But for every strip club there are twenty churches and for every crack house there’s a hair dresser run out of someone’s home. Which kinda explains the mullets.

It also helps explain Bachmann. Most people in the sixth district want to claim a special place in relation to god. They believe in the apocalypse or whatever else the narrow minded conservative white male military style preachers in the mega churches tell them. Sarah Palin is their candidate, and Michele Bachmann makes a lot of sense to them. And big hair is the normal thing.

OK, I’m being a little hard on the district. There are a few liberal suburban enclaves, quaint horse farms, flower farms, and sod farms. As you go out state father and farther, you find a lot of farmland, and the average Farmer is a supporter of the DFL … after all, Farming gave the D.F.L. it’s middle name!

There are only two polls, now nearly two weeks old, that survey voter preference for Bachmann vs. Tinklenberg. Tinklenberg is ahead by two in one, four in the other, neither statistically significant.

I would not be at all surprized if Bachmann won on Tuesday, but I happen to think she will not. I think the voters of the Sixth district, for all their yahoo-lery, may actually sense that the entire country is looking at them and snickering. Like El Tinklenberg’s recent ‘spit take’ (see this), the entire country is doing one giant spit-take over Michele Bachmann, and if we all wake up in the morning on Wednesday morning and Bachmann is not voted out of office, there’s going to be gallons of coffee flying across breakfast tables throughout our great nation.

Sixth District Voters: I love you guys. Do me a favor. Go and vote and vote for Obama, Franken and Tinklenberg.

By the way, I also think the Obama/Franken get out the vote effort will carry Tinklenberg along.


  1. #1 Mike Hussein Haubrich
    November 2, 2008

    Yep, Sixth District Voters, here is your chance to prove to Greg that he is full of shit about you and that you really are a bunch of smart, high-information voters who think that the District deserves better representation than you are getting right now.

    Prove Greg wrong about you. Vote for El. I’m proud of you, each and every one of you, and I think you are all pretty and smart. And I also think that you will be voting for Tinklenberg.

  2. #2 Stephanie Z
    November 2, 2008

    Like Mike, I see everyone in the Sixth rushing to the polls on Tuesday to get rid of Bachmann, only I see them singing as they go.

  3. #3 Scott P
    November 2, 2008

    Greg, you are the typical elitist who looks down upon those who may not be as wealthy as you or may not have had options other than public education. I live in the sixth district. It is no different than about 90% of Minnesota. You know what that makes you? An out of touch snob. Talk about antipathy towards others who don’t think like you. By the way, there are many African Americans who live in my district. And other minorities like Hmongs, Native Americans, Hispanics, and even some Muslims. I would know because they are my neighbors. Maybe next time you come to visit, you could take a look around at something other than that pickup truck bumper you are tailgating you obnoxious, self-rightious, jerk. And stop throwing your Starbucks cups in our ditches. The environment isn’t just for those who live in the city.

  4. #4 Scott P
    November 2, 2008

    Almost forgot to thank you for the info on Hedlund. My wife and I will be sure to vote for her! (didn’t really know who she was until now)

  5. #5 Brian X
    November 3, 2008

    Scott P:

    How is it snobbish to mock people who revel in self-imposed ignorance and make life difficult for people who want something else in their lives?

    Because let’s be honest — rednecks are people who, by definition, deserve to be made fun of. Even aspiring to something better moves someone out of the redneck category, and the fact that people in MN-6 willingly voted for a batshit freak like Bachmann doesn’t seem to indicate that the average Bachmann voter does.

    Bachmann voters have a chance to redeem themselves by repudiating her. Anyone who fails to is worthy of no better than Greg’s description above.

  6. #6 Scott P
    November 3, 2008

    For whatever reason, anytime you or Greg look down your nose at someone who hasn’t been as fortunate as you, it’s snobbish.
    I’ve always been told how Democrats stick up for the little guy. I think the Greg’s column is a clear indication of how the left really feels about the little guy. The little guy, apparently, is no more than dirt to be mocked and ridiculed when they no longer serve the purpose of exploitation by the elite.

  7. #7 Brian X
    November 3, 2008


    All you’re doing is proving that you’re part of the set of people who deserve to be made fun of. You heard of Cory the Driller yet? Look him up. Prime example of someone who skipped college because he was “ready to take on the world” and turned out to be an ignorant shithead with a very warped view of how to treat his employees.

    The willfully ignorant are to be shunned. The Left is more than happy to offer The Little Guy opportunities; in fact it ticks us off when we can’t, because we very much would like The Little Guy to join us. But when the Little Guy becomes enamored of his own ignorance and tries to force others to wallow around in the mud with him, he has ceased to become The Little Guy and has become a filthy redneck, and deserves pity, scorn, and an entire brood of liberal, bisexual children who think their dad is an embarrassment.

  8. #8 Greg Laden
    November 3, 2008

    Scott: You are essentially correct in your critique, but do note that this is all about framing and getting out a message. Read the “categories” (up near the top) that this post is listed in, grow some of that personal humility you are demanding of me,and then listen up.

    As for you and the sixth district, please keep in mind that you guys elected Michel Bachmann … the most embarrassingly ideological moron to ever be elected to federal office ever, anywhere … so yes, you need to take some shit. If it was not you personally who did this, then fine, don’t whine about me, tell us what you are doing to get rid of the lady.

    As for me, I’ve never been even close to wealthy. My current income is under 40K. What’s yours? My car is 15 years old. How about you? There was a time way back when I was literally homeless. You ever do that? I went to public schools or “homeschooled” until graduate school (the whole public/private thing has a totally different meaning in grad school).

    So, Scott, you and I are both white trash. The difference, brother, is that I’m thinking about my trashiness and you are bludgeoning me with your trash. You need to be less destructive and more constructive.

    I don’t tailgate and I don’t go to Starbucks. And I’ve never, in my entire life, ever littered. You must have guessed at the tailgating because of my reference to the slow moving trucks. You got that wrong! My reference was obsucre, though. As you know, outstate (not so much today but in recent years) it is a custom to pull the Dodge out in front of non-US built cars and drive at 50 mph. This is actually rare in the sixth district, but happens up in the Arrowhead all the time.

    I drive a ‘foreign car’ … one made in a US based factory by US union labor … but a lot of people don’t get the car thing. Some day I’ll have to write an insulting obnoxious post about that.

    Mean time, Scott, what are you doing Tuesday to clean up your act?

  9. #9 chris
    November 3, 2008

    Hey now, there’s a black guy in Elk River. We used to be co-workers. When I found out we were also neighbors I told him, “Oh, so that was your black Escalade with the solid gold spinners I saw in the Cub Foods parking lot?” He thought it was funny, anyway.

    P.S. I voted for Wetterling, not my fault.

  10. #10 sasqwatch
    November 4, 2010

    I agree with you, Scott, Greg, that Greg’s post was elitist.

    Good job Greg.

    And shame on the 6th for re-electing Bachmann decisively (as was my prediction); she’s now running for House Republican Conference Chair. If you voted for her, Scott P, as I think you probably did, you are a big, fat, fucking tool… worthy of all the mockery and scorn that all people with brains can muster. Enjoy your “Larry the Cable Guy” DVD set.

  11. #11 Greg Laden
    November 4, 2010

    Scott, since I come from white trash and am poor, disabled (but I’ll get better), have no savings (ex wives) and live in Coon Rapids, I’ll ignore your spanking of me for being privileged, and ask you to kindly kiss my ass.

    sasqwatch, why are you repeating the untested assumption of some yahoo? Is insulting me your objective? You can kiss my ass too.

    I don’t look down my nose at anyone. I look them straight in the eye and say “you and I are doing the same thing. but I think you are doing it wrong.”

  12. #12 sasqwatch
    November 4, 2010

    Sorry Greg. No insult intended. Just a backhanded *smeck* at Scott P. I’m a bit pissed at many nationwide results and perhaps not expressing myself clearly. “Elitist” is a silly and misplaced charge in any event… the way it’s used in this country. It should be a compliment, not a slam.

  13. Yeah, but you’ve got to admit that my passive aggressive self aggrandizing counter attack was brilliant.

  14. #14 sasqwatch
    November 4, 2010

    🙂 Of course it was brilliant. What I didn’t realize (until I checked your “about” page earlier today, was how the “elitist” thing is a trope around here. (and a nice one too, IMHB [in my humor book])

    (and re-reading my post, noting how easily “Good job, Greg” sounded like sarcasm… ugh. Stupid of me. Esp. considering it was my first post here & the amount of sheer cretinism you must continually swat at.)

    Me try to do better next time.

  15. #15 Brando
    March 16, 2011

    I live in Colorado and I am not going to bad mouth or say some of the things I have read on here,but I do have to tell you it has come out my mouth and went through my mind. When I have heard some of the stupid and ignorant things Bachmann has said. Who in the hell is voting for this woman? I don`t care if you live in a trailor a mansion or a plain regular house. I have seen on the news and read the things this woman has said when she was campaigning. How do you vote for someone like this?