… is all about the terrain. One might assume that Michele Bachmann’s idiotic public statements on Hardball would be enough to put her down, metaphorically. It certainly was enough for the RNCCC to pull funding, for the DNCCC to toss in a million on behalf of El Tinklenberg, Bachmann’s opponent, and for a couple of million dollars to pour into Tinklenberg’s war chest from zillions of small donations around the country.
But this is not enough. The PEOPLE of the Sixth District have to decide to vote for Tinklenberg rather than Bachmann. What will these voters do?
I know the Sixth district, at least on the surface. I live a few blocks form it and shop in it. At least fourty times a year, I drive the entire length of the Sixth District, often stopping for lunch or dinner at one place or another, or to buy gas. Much of the sixth district is similar demographically to the neighborhood I live in (in the Third district).
The Sixth District is Mullets. There is a barber shop over in Elk River with a sign that says: “Mullets Removed For Free”. What you need to understand is that this barber shop is in the la la chi chi part of Elk River, which is exactly one half a block long and is eyed suspiciously by all of the other residents of this town.
The Sixth District is White Trash living in Single Wides. The biggest fear of the Minnesota Department of Disaster Related Stuff is that one of our famous tornadoes decides to travel down the Route Ten Corridor. Almost all human-made objects bigger than a car along this corridor are boats for sale, boats in storage, RV’s for sale, gazebos for sale, or trailers people live in. You know what they say in Sixth District?
[Switch to slack-jawed-hick accent]
“What’s the difference between a toe-nado and a dee-vorce?”
“I dunno, Jethro, what’s the difference between a toe-nado and a dee-vorce?”
“Nothin’, Jeeter! Either way, somebody’s gonna lose ‘emselves a tray-lor!”
The Sixth District is beer bellied hairy motorcycle papas and mamas. Country style crack houses. Crotch rockets and good ol’ American Built Pickup Trucks usually incapable of driving at more than 55 miles per hour. Which is OK because the dog in the back of the truck prefers it this way.
Black men do not jog in the Sixth District. There are no gay bars, but there are a number of strip joints with “tasteful exotic dancing, ladies welcome.” Road Rage happens here. And Creationism? Well, it’s just another form of Evolution in many of the local public schools.
But for every strip club there are twenty churches and for every crack house there’s a hair dresser run out of someone’s home. Which kinda explains the mullets.
It also helps explain Bachmann. Most people in the sixth district want to claim a special place in relation to god. They believe in the apocalypse or whatever else the narrow minded conservative white male military style preachers in the mega churches tell them. Sarah Palin is their candidate, and Michele Bachmann makes a lot of sense to them. And big hair is the normal thing.
OK, I’m being a little hard on the district. There are a few liberal suburban enclaves, quaint horse farms, flower farms, and sod farms. As you go out state father and farther, you find a lot of farmland, and the average Farmer is a supporter of the DFL … after all, Farming gave the D.F.L. it’s middle name!
There are only two polls, now nearly two weeks old, that survey voter preference for Bachmann vs. Tinklenberg. Tinklenberg is ahead by two in one, four in the other, neither statistically significant.
I would not be at all surprized if Bachmann won on Tuesday, but I happen to think she will not. I think the voters of the Sixth district, for all their yahoo-lery, may actually sense that the entire country is looking at them and snickering. Like El Tinklenberg’s recent ‘spit take’ (see this), the entire country is doing one giant spit-take over Michele Bachmann, and if we all wake up in the morning on Wednesday morning and Bachmann is not voted out of office, there’s going to be gallons of coffee flying across breakfast tables throughout our great nation.
Sixth District Voters: I love you guys. Do me a favor. Go and vote and vote for Obama, Franken and Tinklenberg.
By the way, I also think the Obama/Franken get out the vote effort will carry Tinklenberg along.