Pharyngula

A completely random and trivial post

So it’s snowing, and my rather worn shoes got wet, and everywhere I walk I now hear this faint, hissy, squeaky noise.

Does it improve my image as a tough guy if I tell you that I’m imaging that I’m crushing baby mice between my toes as I walk? Discuss.

Comments

  1. #1 Carlie
    January 29, 2007

    Ewww. Given that my shoes do the same thing when wet, and I have actually crushed a mouse underfoot when walking through my house, I am now feeling quite queasy.

  2. #2 PZ Myers
    January 29, 2007

    I take that as a vote for “tough guy.”

  3. #3 xenophobic
    January 29, 2007

    I think shooting baby seals might be more effective.

  4. #4 Blake Stacey
    January 29, 2007

    I once killed a giant rat with a chopping knife in a fraternity kitchen.

    I guess killing baby mice makes you more cruel, because like God you slaughter those who have no means of defense. But I’m not sure it makes you tough.

  5. #5 Garrett
    January 29, 2007

    Xenophobe, you’re not supposed to shoot the baby seals, you’re supposed to club them. Hasn’t Paul McCartney taught you anything?

  6. #6 Theo Bromine
    January 29, 2007

    Nope, it’s hopeless. Your attempt to project a tough guy image has been effectively subverted by Karl Mogel’s comment that you remind him of Prof Steve Steve – can’t get much more cute and cuddly than that.

    Maybe you should see if you can arrange for an interview with John Kasich – that might get you worked up enough in person that everyone could see your Inner Tough Guy.

  7. #7 kyle
    January 29, 2007

    It’s definitely not tough if you sound like you are wheezing while you walk. Or is it more a whistling mucus kind of sound.

    Besides it’s way tougher to be silent like a ninja.

  8. #8 Laurent
    January 29, 2007

    Does not sound random to me, but rather designed, as a post. Would it be you are the Intelligent Designer? From this post and about the mice, I would say so!

  9. #9 Retired Catholic
    January 29, 2007

    Are you channeling Kind Kong?

  10. #10 Adam Cuerden
    January 29, 2007

    It’d only improve your tough guy image if I actually believed you.

  11. #11 thaumaturge
    January 29, 2007

    That image certainly wouldn’t help you on Fox News.

  12. #12 llewelly
    January 29, 2007

    Why don’t you tell people it is the sound of you crushing aborted fetuses, ‘no bigger than your thumb’ between your toes?

  13. #13 Richard Harris
    January 29, 2007

    Garrett, Clubs – what kinda hoser are you? Ya use a hakapik, eh.

  14. #14 T. Bruce McNeely
    January 29, 2007

    Cue Arthur Ewing and his Amazing Musical Mice:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OXfAPPckQU

  15. #15 Warren
    January 29, 2007

    With a video, you could have your own fetish site. Then you’d be rich, not tough, but that’s OK too.

  16. #16 argystokes
    January 29, 2007

    Master Tang: Oh, again with the squeaky shoes.

    Chosen One: Well, I’m gonna count to three, and if I hear one more friggin’ squeak, I’m gonna take his shoes, and shove em’ up his…

  17. #17 shoeguyster
    January 29, 2007

    Beating baby bunnies to death with Bibles is pretty effective. Puppies with Torah scrolls. Dumping a truckload of L. Ron’s Dyanetics (sp?) on a litter of kittens. Pulverizing baby chicks with a Quhran. Statue of Ganish? Go get ’em!

    My oh my. I do go on.

  18. #18 Jonathan Lubin
    January 29, 2007

    When I cut the mushrooms up just right, and when I have the pan just hot enough, and when I stir them at just the right speed, it sounds like a whole cage full of adult mice. In their death throes. Temporarily assuages my raging mysophobia.

  19. #19 Quentin S.
    January 29, 2007

    Another evilutionist lie! Crushed baby mice actually make a ‘squeek squeek’ noise.
    (count it as a vote against.)

  20. #20 Jen
    January 29, 2007

    Xenophobe, you’re not supposed to shoot the baby seals, you’re supposed to club them. Hasn’t Paul McCartney taught you anything?

    Clubbing with seals is so passe. You obviously haven’t seen this shirt.

  21. #21 wmock
    January 29, 2007

    If you were wearing gnarly engineer’s boots instead of, “rather worn shoes,” toughness would ooze from the blog.

  22. #22 Inky
    January 29, 2007

    Baby mice? How tough is that?
    Just pretend you’re wearing sneakers with bottoms make of IDiot’s brains that you’ve harvested yourself, using nothing but your bare hands and a hardcover Bible.

  23. #23 Inoculated Mind
    January 29, 2007

    I used to live in a co-op, not the kind with hippies, just a 10-bedroom apartment. We had a rat problem that was so bad at one point that we would hunt them with pellet guns and one person got one with a knife.

    The great thing about all this is that we saved money on hamburger meat. **Budduddum Ching!**

    Maybe if you ate them, it might do the trick.

  24. #24 angie
    January 29, 2007

    Tough guy? No. This only makes me think of Cliff from Cheers and the episode with the squeaky shoe club.

  25. #25 Carlie
    January 29, 2007

    Actually, if you want a really good squeak noise, try sauteeing some medium-sized mealworms in a little butter. (They can be mostly frozen first so they don’t really feel anything.) It doesn’t matter how much I tell myself that it’s just steam venting from their exoskeletons, it sounds like dozens of tiny screams.

  26. #26 knobody
    January 29, 2007

    Crushed baby mice actually make a ‘squeek squeek’ noise.

    not if you do it right. okay, i am extrapolating a bit from rats, as that’s what i’m used to, but done quickly enough they make no noise at all, or maybe only a half second of a faint gurgle as they breathe their last through blood-filled lungs.

    of course, i buy frozen now. it’s just easier. thaw and serve.

  27. Does it improve my image as a tough guy if I tell you that I’m imaging that I’m crushing baby mice between my toes as I walk? Discuss.

    Perhaps if you pranced around in a flight suit with a padded crotch congratulating yourself for crushing baby mice?

  28. #28 Dianne
    January 29, 2007

    Does it improve my image as a tough guy if I tell you that I’m imaging that I’m crushing baby mice between my toes as I walk? Discuss.

    No. Baby mice are incredibly easy to crush* and it adds not a thing to one’s macho score to be able to crush them.

    *Don’t ask me how I know this.

  29. #29 PZ Myers
    January 29, 2007

    How about a big banner in the background saying,

    MASHING ACCOMPLISHED

    Would that help?

  30. [Throws dead squid at Myers for terrible pun]

  31. #31 bronco214
    January 30, 2007

    “Perhaps if you pranced around in a flight suit with a padded crotch congratulating yourself for crushing baby mice?”

    Good shot, Phoenician!! LOL But, I know have that muy macho picture stuck in my brain. Time for the bleach bottle.

  32. #32 bronco214
    January 30, 2007

    “now have”. oops.

  33. #33 Jonathan Vos Post
    January 30, 2007

    Under California law, it’s third strike and they’re crushed. First strike, you just delegate to the Farmer’s wife to cut off their tails with a carving knife. Or the one that OJ used, if you can find it. Then you, the mice, OJ, and the Farmer’s wife can search for the Real Killer. Yeah, right. OJ was found “not guilty” by a jury too dumb to be able to spell DNA. Whereas we all know the truth: the LAPD framed a guilty man. If your rather worn wet shoes fit, you must acquit. I say, walk a mile in his shoes. If you’re wrong, you’re still a mile away and, hey, you got those shoes for nothing.

  34. #34 Markk
    January 30, 2007

    I’ve always thought of you as being very cute and cuddly, PZ.

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