Pharyngula

Magic for professors

The Little Professor has A Compendium of Professorial Magic that looks useful—I’m going to have to master these.

The list, though, is of low level spells. I think I really need an “Enchant Knowledge” area-effect spell that infuses all of the targets with mastery of the subject matter. It’s probably a ninth-level spell, I’m afraid, and I’m going to have to get more experience before I can handle it. (Knocking over creationists is probably analogous to fending off a kobold raid—tedious hack-and-slash that garners darned little experience, and they don’t even have any loot worth harvesting.)

Comments

  1. #1 Blake Stacey
    January 30, 2007

    This reminds me when I faced that 22-level Math Professor and had to fend him off by casting Factor Prime Number.

  2. #2 Bobryuu
    January 30, 2007

    You just became so much (less?) cooler with that well articulated D&D related language. I just need to find a way to screen capture that Mii I made in your image.

  3. #3 Mike Crichton
    January 30, 2007

    Properly DMed, kobalds should be one of the most dangerous encounters a PC group can possibly have. _Goblins_, on the other hand, really are useless little punks…

  4. #4 Great White Wonder
    January 30, 2007

    The list, though, is of low level spells. I think I really need an “Enchant Knowledge” area-effect spell

    If Mr. Roper were here, he’d be doing that little “tinker bell” hand signal.

  5. #5 Bronze Dog
    January 30, 2007

    One of us! One of us! One of us!

    Creationists aren’t at all like kobolds. Kobolds build nasty traps baited with gold. Creationists build “traps” with big red buttons labeled “don’t push” and attempt to mob us when we stop to laugh.

  6. #6 Azkyroth
    January 30, 2007

    I’m dating myself [snip] mid-70s,

    More like carbon-dating yourself. :P

  7. #7 Blake Stacey
    January 30, 2007

    If it weren’t for carbon-14, some of us wouldn’t date at all.

    (I’m still a little upset I had two tentacles too many to get a date with Rebecca Watson, Skepchick extraordinaire.)

  8. #8 Cat
    January 31, 2007

    My mom could definitely use the Accept Grades one, and an upgrade, Deter Whiners: Level 7: All students unhappy with their grades within the effect radius will loose their nerve. Radius is half of Int value. DC 15 for detering college students, DC 20 to not only deter the wining but prevent them from whining to their rich parents. I made that one up though.

    I haven’t been a huge D&D Player, so forgive me if some of my info is wrong. Kobolds aren’t that weak (or at least our DM never made us run into more than one at once), and are worth decent EXP. No, what you’re thinking about is Imps, aside from poison they’re weak and stupid (they’ve got like 6 hp).

  9. #9 Flex
    January 31, 2007

    Well that’s twice that an incorrect spelling of ‘peen’ was used. The peen of a ball-peen hammer is used to peen, which is to dent, bend or alter in some way with a peen. Not that it really matters.

    Oh, and for what it’s worth, most states have outlawed the use of cell-phone jammers for anyone other than law enforcement. Before anyone gets their knickers in a twist about the infringement of liberty, the reason is fairly rational. Emergency workers, like doctors and firemen, are often reached through their cell phones. Jamming the cell phones in an area would make it impossible to reach these people, and might result in unnecessary delays.

    Which scenario would make you madder? A cell phone going off during Ludwig Van’s ninth, or a relative suffering additional complications because the specialist who was at the concert couldn’t be reached? (Obviously you can substitute your own favorite entertainment. Orac may be at The Ramones.)

    I’m not asking anyone to agree with the decision, just understand why it was made. Oh, and for the record, as an automotive electronics engineer, the portable cell-phone jammer is one of the most frequent requests I get. Just about everyone wants the ability to break the connections of kobolds who are paying more attention to their cell-phone than driving. That’s one of the reasons I’ve looked into the legality of cell phone jammers.

  10. #10 Keith Douglas
    February 3, 2007

    Kobolds?? Snotlings, from (ahem) Warhammer. Now there’s a bunch of wimpy humanoids.

    That said, I think professors also need a “Improve Public Support” spell, but it is probably epic, and so only someone like Dawkins can cast it ;). Unfortunately also it has a 90% chance of backfiring …

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