Pharyngula

The Dark Clan? Me?

There was a lecture at UCL recently by Dr Oktar Babuna and Ali Sadun Engin. They spilled the beans, and we’re all in trouble now.

He then showed just how “insightful” the folks at Harun Yahya can be by quoting from one of their books, The Dark Clan, which explains that evolutionary science is inspired by “a dark clan behind all kids of corruption and perversion, that controls drug trafficking, prostitution rings”. Evolution is the “greatest deception in the history of science”.

The Dark Clan actually isn’t bad — nice moody music about vampires and such. I was just listening to a couple of their tracks and was enjoying them.

Oh, wait — they’re referring to this Dark Clan, which is just stupid. I’ll have you know I had to get out of the prostitution business when the Discovery Institute moved in and outcompeted us — they were so much better at it than we were. I’ve had to focus on the squid porn niche instead, which is nowhere near as lucrative, but at least the clientele is less creepy than the Dominionists they cater to.

And that quote from the lecture isn’t in error. Here’s what they say on their web site:

The purpose behind choosing the term “dark clan” is to convey the sense of a web-like structure with offshoots in every country, orchestrating the moral degeneration of today’s world. Even though it presents itself as highly modern, its structural design is reminiscent of the historical totemic clans. This dark clan is to be found behind all kinds of despicable deeds, corruption and perversion. It controls drug-trafficking operations, prostitution rings and promotes immorality. The members of this clan manage to portray themselves in a positive light through their collaborators in the media. They enjoy the de facto protection of their collaborators in the security forces and succeed in using the law to their own advantage through their collaborators in departments of justice. They also display a powerful unity against those perceived as enemies. Their greatest enemies are the believers who want to destroy their corrupt business networks, who struggle to make morality, harmony and justice dominant in the world and who strive tirelessly on the ideological battlefield to bring seriousness of the situation to people’s attention.

Oh, yeah, that is so me.

Comments

  1. #1 MikeM
    February 27, 2008

    Damn. We’ve been found out.

    Can you pass along the secret instructions about closing my branch down?

  2. #2 J
    February 27, 2008

    Stop him before he figures out we faked the Moon landing!

  3. #3 Brownian, OM
    February 27, 2008

    Maybe they’d think more highly of us if we started executing our sisters and daughters for being raped or wearing makeup.

  4. #4 Janine
    February 27, 2008

    Sounds similar to claims made by LaRouchies.

  5. #5 Abby Normal
    February 27, 2008

    Sounds good. Where do I sign up?

    Do y’all have a secret handshake? I’ve always wanted to learn a secret handshake.

  6. #6 carovee
    February 27, 2008

    I was going to chide a friend of mine for believing that everyone who accepts evolution is either part of a vast conspiracy or deluded. Except that’s pretty much how I feel about religion. Really, that paragraph above is an almost perfect description of religious fundamentalism.

  7. #7 Cat of many faces
    February 27, 2008

    It’s all a conspiracy to make me paranoid!

  8. #8 Cardinal Shrew
    February 27, 2008

    Paranoid Schizophrenia must be so much more interesting than boring old real life.

  9. #9 True Bob
    February 27, 2008

    So PZ, where can I score some good drugs?

  10. #10 Randy
    February 27, 2008

    Any info on how to join this dark clan? I could use a little side of prostitution to spice up my otherwise dreary existence. I’ve always been a proponent of immorality, so I think I can start at one of the higher rungs, if you would sponser me.

  11. #11 Steverino
    February 27, 2008

    Cool!…do you guys have secret handshakes and decoder rings???

  12. #12 Chris A
    February 27, 2008

    Wow, projection much?

  13. #13 poke
    February 27, 2008

    I can’t bring myself to read their website but the quote sounds like typical anti-Semitic garbage only they’re avoiding naming names. Maybe the “Dark Clan” is to anti-Semitism as the “Intelligent Designer” is to Creationism?

  14. #14 dWhisper
    February 27, 2008

    You know what’s funny? I can read that whole thing and for whatever reason, “religion” keeps popping into my head as the Dark Clan.

  15. #15 clheiny
    February 27, 2008

    Cool! It’s like the sex & drugs & hard science branch of the Illuminati! Where do I sign up?

  16. #16 MAJeff
    February 27, 2008

    They’ve found me out. I’m actively spreading homosexuality, one person at a time.

  17. #17 Homer
    February 27, 2008

    Dear Sirs:

    I find your Dark Clan intriguing and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    Sincerly,

    Homer J Simpson

  18. #18 ERV
    February 27, 2008

    Isnt the HY group in trouble in Turkey for running extortion and prostitution rings?

  19. #19 Dan, Always On Medication.
    February 27, 2008

    We need a secret handshake.

  20. #20 Cardinal Shrew
    February 27, 2008

    Is this clan invitation only or do you have open meetings?

  21. #21 nulldevice
    February 27, 2008

    When someone says “The Dark Clan” I immediately think of the band. Who knew it was also a vast conspiracy?

    Of course, the main dude in TDC used to be my guitarist and is a friend of mine, so perhaps my experience varies. It’s good advertising for his new album, though.

  22. #22 DrFrank
    February 27, 2008

    Haha, I’m off to give a presentation in UCL next Thursday. Fortunately, it’s about neuronal reconstruction, and not Creationism.

    Maybe I could add “If we came from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?” to the last slide, though, just in case it’s expected now ;)

  23. #23 MissPrism
    February 27, 2008

    What’s our clan tartan?

    Hang on, maybe it’s a misprint of our molluscan overlord, The Dark Clam.

  24. #24 Bob L
    February 27, 2008

    “Dark Clan” sound a hell of a lot cooler than “Rationalist” We could have T-shirts and everything with that! The T-Shirt could have a picture of a gothed out Darwin on the front and the back says “Dark Clan, where’s your’ god now?” on the back.

  25. #25 Dan
    February 27, 2008

    When someone says “The Dark Clan” I immediately think of the band. Who knew it was also a vast conspiracy?

    Posted by: nulldevice

    It’s not just a band and a vast conspiracy, but “The Dark Clan” is also a breakfast cereal, a floor wax, and an energy drink loaded with ELECTROLYTES.

  26. #26 Sarcastro
    February 27, 2008

    Plaittaglia is a pimp, he never could have outfought Chapmino. But I did not know, until this day, that it was P.Zini all along.

  27. #27 phantomreader42
    February 27, 2008

    So, they’ve revealed that teh darwinismus is a vast conspiracy to sap and impurify their precious bodily fluids.

    Surely perpetrated with the help of the Trilateral Commission, the International Bankers (wink wink) and the dreaded Underpants Gnomes.

    You’re supposed to avoid the mind-control drugs in the water supply by drinking grain alcohol AND rainwater. Just the alcohol doesn’t work.

    Does the god of the gaps apply to the “doomsday gap” too?

  28. #28 PZ Myers
    February 27, 2008

    We’ve got all those things, rings, handshake, decoders, special sexual position, unique tartans, etc. You have to be a special elite member of the clan to know about them, so sorry, you peons who are asking about them obviously don’t belong.

    No, I’m not going to announce on a public blog what they are. They’re SECRET. Geez.

  29. #29 Heather
    February 27, 2008

    Electrolytes? You mean the stuff plants crave? Those Electrolytes?

  30. #30 Bernard Bumner
    February 27, 2008

    Still, the olnine book The Dark Clan that PZ links to is clearly a masterpiece of comic writing. I particularly enjoyed the chapter on Social Darwinism – very, very funny stuff!

    It makes you wonder how anybody quite a stupid as the author of that particular screed manages to get up in the morning. You’d have thought that even if their stunted brain managed to remember to keep them breathing through the night, then at the very least they’d kill themselves in a tragic underpants accident before they were able to eat their cornflakes and find a responsible adult to turn the computer on for them.

  31. #31 DSK Samways
    February 27, 2008

    Does the Dark Clan have a stock business card available, or do we each have to design our own?

  32. #32 rpenner
    February 27, 2008

    The highlight of the social season in Scienceburg, KY is the “Black and White” ball where the Dark Clan and the Klan wear their finest hoods and robes together in honor of …

    Drat, is it Poe’s law or Russell’s law that keeps this from being funny?

  33. #33 Paul Phoenix
    February 27, 2008

    Standard religion: it’s always a good way to rally the faithful – you need a really scary evil you can convince people that they need to fight.

    Used all the time in Dawkin’s Fleas!

  34. #34 MAJeff
    February 27, 2008

    We’ve got all those things, rings, handshake, decoders, special sexual position, unique tartans, etc. You have to be a special elite member of the clan to know about them, so sorry, you peons who are asking about them obviously don’t belong.
    No, I’m not going to announce on a public blog what they are. They’re SECRET. Geez.

    However, if you’re in the Boston area, we’re holding a recruitment event this Friday.

  35. #35 Graculus
    February 27, 2008

    When someone says “The Dark Clan” I immediately think of the band.

    I immdiately thought of a White Wolf game.

    (rolls 11d6 on “geek”)

    What’s our clan tartan?

    Black Watch, of course!

  36. #36 dNorrisM
    February 27, 2008

    Dang, I’m too old to join…

    “a dark clan behind all kids of corruption and perversion,…”

  37. #37 H. Humbert
    February 27, 2008

    Absurd as this all is, an Islamic student group invited these morons to speak at University College London, presumably because they felt Babuna and Enginhad something important to say. This stuff is only funny until too many people take it seriously.

    I’ve been trying to access the Islamic Society’s homepage to see if I can figure out what the hell they were thinking, but so far all my attempts have timed out.

    http://www.islamic.uclu.org

  38. #38 Tom G
    February 27, 2008

    Now – for the first time – conclusive proof!

    ELVIS SHOT JFK!!! Video at 11:00 (p.s., send $$$$ to support our continued research into this mind-numbing revelation)

    Ol’ P.T. Barnum never said a ‘truer’ word than the one about a sucker being born every minute. But what he missed is that for every sucker there’s a suck-up who will feed the credulity of the many-headed multitude.

  39. #39 Vitis01
    February 27, 2008

    @24

    If you made those t-shirts I would buy 10.

  40. #40 Nullifidian
    February 27, 2008

    He then showed just how “insightful” the folks at Harun Yahya can be by quoting from one of their books, The Dark Clan, which explains that evolutionary science is inspired by “a dark clan behind all kids of corruption and perversion, that controls drug trafficking, prostitution rings”.

    That could almost be a self-description, except that Adnan Okhtar is not stupid enough to be running drugs in Turkey. He and his cult has, however, been implicated in a prostitution ring and he went to prison for two years for blackmailing high-up Turkish politicians. Bilim Ara?t?rma Vakf? is the Scientology of the Turkish world, except even more purposeful and malign.

  41. #41 Kerry Maxwell
    February 27, 2008

    We’ve got all those things, rings, handshake, decoders, special sexual position, unique tartans, etc.

    Don’t forget the robes. No robes for rubes though.

  42. #42 Hank Fox
    February 27, 2008

    I kept reading the phrase as “The Dark Clam,” and thinking of the sneaky clams in the BC comic (“Clams got legs!”)

    I suggest that anytime future articles appear on this subject, it should always be referred to as The Dark Clam.

    This Dark Clam business is so deliciously twisted, it’s like Hannibal Lecter accusing all apple-pie-baking grannies of killing and eating pizza delivery boys.

  43. #43 Gustaf Sjöblom
    February 27, 2008

    Hey, I feel cheated. I want in on this drug thing now. Pronto. You guy’s have kept me out of the loop!

  44. #44 Gustaf Sjöblom
    February 27, 2008

    Hey, I feel cheated. I want in on this drug thing now. Pronto. You guy’s have kept me out of the loop!

  45. #45 Morgan
    February 27, 2008

    @35: Tremere? Ventrue?

    Malkavian?

    Although if the battle is over the dominant paradigm and people’s worldview and so on, I guess we’re playing Mage.

  46. #46 'evil' Dave Evil
    February 27, 2008

    Dear co-conspirators and evil genius’s,
    You are all cordially invited to a secret wink-wink at you know where tonight, usual time.
    Remember, it’s sacrifice night so make sure you bring a baby or you won’t get any puppy soup.
    See you all there!
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  47. #47 Richard Eis
    February 27, 2008

    I gotta say, “Dark Clan” is a damned site more sexy than “bright”. I say we steal that one and make it our own. Evilutionizing the language one word at a time.

  48. #48 Fastlane
    February 27, 2008

    There’s got to be a way to combine this Dark Clan theme with that cool squid picture from the previous post. Change the wings to manta ray like wings, and I think we got a good Dark Clan club T-shirt. =)

  49. #49 D
    February 27, 2008

    PZ, you’re obviously high up in TDC, can you see to it that some of the drug and prostitution money filters down to your minions at Kew Gardens (UK) please? We’re facing a constant funding gap and it’s hard to uphold a high standard of immorality/research on such a limited budget.

  50. #50 El Dubious Mung
    February 27, 2008

    I fear that this is the lengths theists will go to rail against the growing (or at least, more cemented) secularity.

    It doesn’t scare me that crazy people will say this. It scares me that people will believe them.

  51. #51 Dave Eaton
    February 27, 2008

    #41
    That is the greatest comic book cover, ever.

    OK, let’s make robes using the ace of squids from the other thread. I knew there was something missing from my pursuit of scientific evil. Turns out it was robes…

  52. #52 tikistitch
    February 27, 2008

    I can’t help thinking of the Stonecutters song!

    Who controls the British crown?
    Who keeps the metric system down?
    We do! We do!

    Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
    Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
    We do! We do!

    Who holds back the electric car?
    Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
    We do! We do!

    Who robs cavefish of their sight?
    Who rigs every Oscar night?
    We do! We do!

  53. #53 MReap
    February 27, 2008

    Sounds like the plot of a Dan Brown novel.

  54. #54 Rey Fox
    February 27, 2008

    “The purpose behind choosing the term “dark clan” is to convey the sense of a web-like structure with offshoots in every country, orchestrating the moral degeneration of today’s world.”

    Sounds neat, I’m gonna need a nice potboiler for while I’m working on my tan this summer. Is there another clandestine movement opposing them? With sexy slayer chicks?

    “When someone says “The Dark Clan” I immediately think of the band.”
    “I immdiately thought of a White Wolf game.”
    “(geek)”

    I thought of tha Wu Tang.
    (poseur)

    “What’s our clan tartan?”
    “Black Watch, of course!”

    Quite convenient for me, since I bought a Black Watch flannel shirt from Cabela’s last year. Super comfy. If I’d have known Cabela’s were a front for the Evil Atheist Conspiracy, I would have bought two. Or remember to use their credit card when I buy gas more often. I should tell them to ditch the country music though, that shit’s like garlic to vampires for the Clan.

  55. #55 Masks of Eris
    February 27, 2008

    Dear brethren, now that we have been found out, we must change our ways to avoid further detection. In short, we must…

    EVOLVE.

    (“A secret handshake”? What do I have these tentacles for, then?)

  56. #56 Kilgore Trout
    February 27, 2008

    Crazy Creationists + Sarcastic Nerds = I love this site

  57. #57 Mena
    February 27, 2008

    Forget the dark clan thing, I want to get involved in that lucrative media conspiracy thing. They must be raking in the dough, being so involved in screwing over the American public (and now apparently the whole world) like they are. Everything is done with help from the big bad evil media. Well, that and activist judges but I have no desire to go to law school.
    MAJeff (16): Just how many toaster ovens do you have young man? ;^)
    Oh, and as far as cephalopod porn being a niche market, onychophoran porn is even less popular. Yep, it’s true. A very limited market indeed.

  58. #58 Judith in Ottawa
    February 27, 2008

    The big problem with these people is that Commandment Number 9 is too far down the list for them to remember. And even if they read that far the concept of “bearing false witness” is just too damned complicated.

  59. #59 Sastra
    February 27, 2008

    It’s clearly easier for them to think (hope) that moral degeneration is being “orchestrated.” If it’s just the sort of thing people like to do and it doesn’t really hurt anyone — that is just SO SCARY.

  60. #60 Heather
    February 27, 2008

    That squid picture reminded me of the Tartanic “thing” they have on their website (tartanic.net) with the bagpipes and the vaguely angelic pose.

    I think that since it’s a dark “clan” (complete with the Scots references to tartans etc.) and that squid looks like their bagpipe stuff, perhaps the two are related? I am guessing that the music they play is some sort of code that only members of the Dark Clan can understand. Or perhaps the bagpipes are a weapon in the arsenal, used to keep the non-members away? After all, nothing says “get the hell out of my face” louder than bagpipes. Actually, very few things say anything louder than bagpipes.

    Of course if it is a truly DARK clan, we won’t be using sheep to make the bags for the pipes. Nope, it will be babies and puppies. Preferably cute ones, because nobody gives a damn if the ugly ones get used for musical atrocities.

  61. #61 True Bob
    February 27, 2008

    I thought the babies and puppies were inside the bag. Squeezing them makes the skirling.

  62. #62 Darkman
    February 27, 2008

    http://ysu.facebook.com/group.php?gid=8572192367&ref=mf

    Check out this link, if you are interested in joining the “dark clan.”

    If nothing else, the picture is funny.

  63. #63 Interrobang
    February 27, 2008

    As someone who could really only be more Scottish if I’d been born in Scotland itself, I must protest against the phrase “musical atrocities” to describe the bagpipes. Obviously you’ve never heard any real musical atrocities, like Christian “rock,” Britney Spears, or anything on my local country station. (Unfairness of the musical universe, example # [infinity]: Britney Spears is famous and Ofra Haza is dead. Compound that again if you don’t know who Ofra Haza was. Can the Dark Clan please rectify this, somehow?!)

  64. #64 Steverino
    February 27, 2008

    PZ..>Roger that!….Ixnay on the ecretssay!

  65. #65 Heather
    February 27, 2008

    Actually, I am quite fond of the pipes. But a “dark clan” could not let it be known that they have good music, could they? It defeats the purpose! You have to tell people about the dreaded bagpipes and the horrible sounds they make, otherwise everyone will want a set.

    People stay away from “Christian rock” music because it has a reputation for being bad. So unless you want a bunch of crazy people showing up at the Dark Clan fests, you must let it be known that there will be terrible, wailing, poorly-played bagpipes at the fest.

    And I do know who Ofra Haza was. It is truly unfair that she is dead and Britney is famous.

  66. #66 Hap
    February 27, 2008

    (#55) I don’t think #9 is too far down the list, and I don’t think they don’t understand – they either believe that “lying for Jesus” (as someone else put it) is OK, or they don’t believe in what they claim at all and just see it as a way to get power where they otherwise wouldn’t have a prayer of doing so.

  67. #67 Stephen Wells
    February 27, 2008

    Can we assume that for Harun Yahya, “Dark Clan” = “Elders of Zion?”

  68. #68 Mechalith
    February 27, 2008

    @ 35 and 44

    Lasombra, clearly.

    … also, we’re arguably working for the Technocracy if we take the Mage viewpoint. (which is sad, I like the Sons of Ether and Order of Hermes much more )

  69. #69 Larry
    February 27, 2008

    #52: “Sounds like the plot of a Dan Brown novel.”

    Only without the understated plot twists, natural-sounding dialog, and the beautiful female police officer.

  70. #70 qedpro
    February 27, 2008

    handshake? – we don’t need no stinking handshake!

    besides they can tell us by the scarlett “A” branded on our asses.

  71. #71 Hank Fox
    February 27, 2008

    I second Heather’s comment. Bagpipes are delightful, wonderful, awesome!

    Bagpipes are the sushi of the music world. People either love ‘em or hate ‘em. But if you don’t like them, you either haven’t really given them a chance, or you’re … painfully limited.

  72. #72 Lycosid
    February 27, 2008

    I stopped reading after “Squid porn.” I NEED TO SEE ME SOME INK SQUIRTING!

  73. #73 Brachychiton
    February 27, 2008

    I joined the Dark Clan and the bastards made me go to staff meetings and give lectures to undergrads. I thought it was some sort of initiation rite but it goes on, year after year.

  74. #74 October Mermaid
    February 27, 2008

    It must be fun being paranoid and delusional. The world is so exciting when everyone’s out to get you. That just shows they care!

    So is the Dark Clan also responsible for hiding the Roswell alien bodies (presumably because the aliens have in their DNA some kind of awesome proof for God)?

    I’m not being flippant, I TOTALLY buy this conspiracy stuff. History teaches us that if there’s one thing tons of people are good at, it’s keeping a secret that would net them media exposure, book deals and a mini-series.

  75. #75 One Eyed Jack
    February 27, 2008

    The first rule of the Dark Clan is… YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT THE DARK CLAN!

    Now excuse me, but I’m right in the middle of overthrowing a small government with my drug trade profits and political influence.

    OEJ

  76. #76 Rey Fox
    February 27, 2008

    “It’s clearly easier for them to think (hope) that moral degeneration is being “orchestrated.” If it’s just the sort of thing people like to do and it doesn’t really hurt anyone — that is just SO SCARY.”

    So true. It’s never things that people do to other people, is it? Slavery, theft, fascism? No no, it’s drugs and prostitution! Scary! Sheesh, if you got drugs, then sell ‘em, if you got prostitutes, then send one over here, I’m lonely.

    Okay, so drugs and prostitution, in many cases, are bad things. But really, it just seems like such small potatoes for a supposedly international cabal, particularly one with members that are tinkering with the very fabric of LIFE itself.

  77. #77 David Marjanovi?, OM
    February 27, 2008

    I’ve had to focus on the squid porn niche instead, which is nowhere near as lucrative, but at least the clientele is less creepy than the Dominionists they cater to.

    ROTFL!

    It’s all a conspiracy to make me paranoid!

    Into my quote folder.

    Isnt the HY group in trouble in Turkey for running extortion and prostitution rings?

    But nooooooooooo…

    Is this clan invitation only or do you have open meetings?

    Not you look for us, but we look for you.
    — Response that Putin got when he wanted to join the KGB (IIRC at age 16). They did look for him later, though.

    Now excuse me, but I’m right in the middle of overthrowing a small government with my drug trade profits and political influence.

    So that’s why the right half of the US is for “small government”.

  78. #78 David Marjanovi?, OM
    February 27, 2008

    I’ve had to focus on the squid porn niche instead, which is nowhere near as lucrative, but at least the clientele is less creepy than the Dominionists they cater to.

    ROTFL!

    It’s all a conspiracy to make me paranoid!

    Into my quote folder.

    Isnt the HY group in trouble in Turkey for running extortion and prostitution rings?

    But nooooooooooo…

    Is this clan invitation only or do you have open meetings?

    Not you look for us, but we look for you.
    — Response that Putin got when he wanted to join the KGB (IIRC at age 16). They did look for him later, though.

    Now excuse me, but I’m right in the middle of overthrowing a small government with my drug trade profits and political influence.

    So that’s why the right half of the US is for “small government”.

  79. #79 dieselrain
    February 27, 2008

    I suppose it is not true that the Mafia (a real dark clan) runs organized crime (prostitution, murder, extortion, etc.) and it is not true that the members of the Mafia are all Christians of the Roman Catholic faith? These Christians need to remove the log from their own eyes, first. Another fine Christian was caught in a sting operation a few days ago in St Paul. He’s the New Brighton top councilman elected last fall and he was caught with a prostitute last Friday, good Christian that he is. I doubt he was trying to evangelize the prostitute.

  80. #80 pedlar
    February 27, 2008

    If you followed PZ’s original link to the Newhumanist blog you’ll see that UCL (University College London, where the lecture was held) has provided a good news/bad news story here….

    The bad news:

    The lecture, organised as part of the university’s student Islamic society’s Islam Awareness Week, was originally destined to take place in UCL’s Darwin Lecture Theatre …

    The good news:

    but was moved following protests from students and academics.

    Swat, swat. They just keep coming, don’t they? Like brain-dead little goblins crawling out of the shit….

  81. #81 Graculus
    February 27, 2008

    Tremere? Ventrue?

    Malkavian?

    Nosferatu and the occassional Giovanni.

    Mage I played Celestial Chorus, of all things.

  82. #82 True Bob
    February 27, 2008

    Bagpipes are the greatest. I was on travel to San Antonio a few years ago, and there was a guy practicing on the streets (near the riverwalk). It was a joy to hear.

    Still, I can understand the comparison to squalling cats.

  83. #83 Dan
    February 27, 2008

    The first rule of the Dark Clan is… YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT THE DARK CLAN!

    Posted by: One Eyed Jack

    Wrong. The first rule of Dark Clan is: There is no Dark Clan.

    After that, no talking about Dark Clan.

    And, finally, drink those electrolytes.

  84. #84 J
    February 27, 2008

    I thought the first two rules are:

    1st Rule: You do not talk about Dark Clan.
    2nd Rule: You DO NOT talk about Dark Clan.

    ….

    Aw, crap.

  85. #85 dogmeatib
    February 27, 2008

    Electrolytes? You mean the stuff plants crave? Those Electrolytes?

    I immediately thought of this line as well. Also thought the movie was amusing until I suddenly realized that it wasn’t a movie, but instead a documentary from the year 3000.

    We ARE a nation that increasingly slanders intellect (you can almost hear the “fag” comment).

    We ARE a nation that glorifies violence

    We ARE a nation that glorifies ignorance

    We ARE a nation where the educated, literate people are being out bred like Pandas versus bunnies.

  86. #86 Jaycubed
    February 27, 2008

    Sounds to me like what they are describing is Corporate Capitalism.
    .

  87. #87 Mechalith
    February 27, 2008

    dogmeatlib:

    Those facts, combined with my job in tech support, are why I have yet to see Idiocracy. I hear it’s a good movie, but I’m afraid I’ll snap and turn into the main character in Falling Down if I see it.

    … and my religious friends always look at me like I’m nuts for being worried/upset. >.<

  88. #88 Toddahhhh
    February 27, 2008

    Now is it cape, or no cape for the Dark Clan recruits? I may want to be corrupt and evil and all, but I sure don’t want to look foolish at the initiation sacrifice.

  89. #89 Greta Christina
    February 27, 2008

    Plus we grind up creationist babies and put them in our Manhattans.

    Oops. What a giveaway.

  90. #90 MAJeff
    February 27, 2008

    I stopped reading after “Squid porn.” I NEED TO SEE ME SOME INK SQUIRTING!

    You just described my dinner.

  91. #91 Bee
    February 27, 2008

    At least we know The Dark Clan is very inclusive, considering our glorious leader being an 800 pound gorilla and all…

  92. #92 Russell Blackford
    February 27, 2008

    Dammit, where’s my ring, decoder, etc. I mean, you can get all those things down my way at the Hellfire Club as well, but the more evil goodies I can accumulate the happier I am.

  93. #93 Heather
    February 27, 2008

    Honestly, I can’t think of any other blog/site where I can imagine running into an Idiocracy/bagpipe/secret decoder ring thread. Really.

  94. #94 MAJeff
    February 27, 2008

    MAJeff (16): Just how many toaster ovens do you have young man? ;^)

    I’m not too fond of newbies, myself, and I have a very small kitchen, so I tend to avoid the recruitment work myself. Instead, I train and organize the recruiters. It’s a highly specialized position, although the remuneration is not commensurate with the level of skill required.

  95. #95 MAJeff
    February 27, 2008

    There are, however, unpaid perks.

  96. #96 Alan Kellogg
    February 27, 2008

    People, we here at Cabal (tinc) Headquarters have reviewed the situation vis a vis The Dark Clan, and we really must ask that if you’re going to create a parody of the Cabal (tinc), at least tell us about it. I mean, if we’re going to be credited with some sort of paranoid insanity, it would be nice to know what sort of paranoid insanity we’re being credited with.

    By the way, we did not fake the moon landings; we faked faking the moon landings. Why? Because it’s fun to screw with people’s heads. Our biggest money makers involve reinforcing paranoid ideations. People do pay more for material than supports their insanity than stuff that cuts it down.

  97. #97 DocWazoo
    February 28, 2008

    As a former Jew and future Elder I’m very offended.
    Weren’t those allegations made in the past in the Protocols of the Elders of Zion? So, wait, are evolusionists now Jewish Commie Bankers Who Control the Media?

  98. #98 Lyle G
    February 28, 2008

    In the Society for Creative Anachronism, I heard talk of a Dork Hoard. No relation, I suppose? Dark Clan sound interesting ( better than the White Clan, Goddess knows).I always wanted to Join H.G. Wells ‘Open Conspiracy”

  99. #99 Lilly de Lure
    February 28, 2008

    Weren’t those allegations made in the past in the Protocols of the Elders of Zion? So, wait, are evolusionists now Jewish Commie Bankers Who Control the Media?

    That was my first thought as well, it’s certainly eerily similar to the crap spread in the Protocols. “plus ca change” I guess.

    On the other hand being in a “Dark Clan” is just too cool to miss out on. It’s like being in one of those movies where you are cheering on the bad guys because they are just so much more entertaining than the monosyllabic meathead the studio has decided is the good guy.

    Oh and with the White Wolf thing – I second Lasombra, (although Malkies are always fun too).

  100. #100 Valhar2000
    February 28, 2008

    […]a web-like structure with offshoots in every country[…]

    Oh, so its like an islamic terrorist cult?

  101. #101 Dunc
    February 28, 2008

    The purpose behind choosing the term “dark clan” is to convey the sense of a web-like structure with offshoots in every country, orchestrating the moral degeneration of today’s world. Even though it presents itself as highly modern, its structural design is reminiscent of the historical totemic clans

    Seriously, what the fuck does that even mean? That it’s basically a feudal arrangement whereby clan members provide military service to the clan chief in the more-or-less constant skirmishing and cattle-raiding against neighbouring clans and / or rival branches of clan leadership?

    If there’s one model you don’t want to choose if you’re trying to take over the world, it’s the clan model. And the clan is not typically a “web-like structure” – it’s pretty strictly hierarchical.

    Or are they using the term “clan” is some novel sense with absolute no relation to the Scottish origin of the term?

  102. #102 Graculus
    February 28, 2008

    re: Dark Horde – No relation, I suppose?

    Can PZ sing the “I’m Not A Ninja” polka and drink homemade kumis without spitting up?

    Nothing to do with this thread, but that would be funny.

  103. #103 jfatz
    February 28, 2008

    I wish to subscribe to this Dark Clan… Sounds fun! Is there a newsletter?

  104. #104 Michael Woelfel
    February 28, 2008

    As children we are taught fairy tales, but folks frogs really don’t change to princes. Let’s look at some Scientific facts…NO MUTATION has ever been observed to produce a more complex living organism, i.e., add new DNA; even with observation using current technology. Fruit flys simply had their Existing DNA destorted, nothing beneficial to the flys occurred in those experiments. Again- and this is THE BIGGIE- No New DNA Has Ever Been Observed (NN-DNA-HEBO) to develope from mutations happening naturally or in labs. Think about that, NO NEW DNA has Ever been observed to develope from mutations happening naturally or in labs.

    Macro evolution is a totally baseless exercise of faith, since this single issue has never been resolved!

    Doctors of science teach throughout textbooks, of a mysterious ‘Mother Nature’ who resembles Santa Claus. She works the scenes bestowing imaginative anatomies and behaviors freely upon all living things (yet NN-DNA-HEBO). Earth’s life forms were cleverly supplied, each according as it had need. Yet all change was said to be completely accidental- although in duplicate, as each male and female of all species co-evolved with no disruption in their procreative abilities. Though Mom Nature is promoted as somehow marvelously ‘innovative’, only ‘ranking’ scientists can understand and interpret how her modifying activities occurred; but Nowhere Do They Explain Process Details (BECAUSE NN-DNA-HEBO). So we are simply to accept that the boundless and stunning variety of life on this planet appeared solely from time and happenstance; in short folks “LIFE HAPPENS!” No one can point out positively a single transitional fossil. Neither is there an example of any mutation producing a beneficial change.

    The following information is taken from an ICR Impact publication (April 2002 article #346) normally devoted to scientific creation evidence. This article reveals the competence and influence of some of today’s CREATIONIST scientists. To show the reader the esteemed prominence of the creation worldview, a few of these Genesis believing scientists are listed: Kenneth B. Cumming (Dean and Professor of Biology) has a Ph.D. from Harvard where he studied under Ernst Mayr, “often considered the dean of living evolutionists”. Dr. Carl B. Fliermans (Microbiology) is a microbial ecologist with Dupont with over 60 technical publications. He is well known as the scientist who first identified the “Legionnaire’s Disease” bacterium. Dr. Kelly Hollowell (Molecular Biology) has a Ph.D. in Molecular and Cellular Pharmacology from the University of Miami. She is also an attorney (J.D.). Dr. Hollowell’s work includes a number of publications in the fields of DNA technology, cloning, and neurobiology. Dr. Raymond V. Damadian, M.D. is an inventor, most notably of the M.R.I. machine. Dr. Kurt Wise (Paleontology) has the M.A. and Ph.D. from Harvard University, having studied under the dedicated evolutionist, Stephen J. Gould. “Dr. Wise is currently in charge of the science division at Bryan College.” Dr. Duane T. Gish (Senior Vice President and Professor of Biochemistry) has earned a Ph.D. in Biochemistry from the University of California at Berkeley. Beyond his career as a research chemist, and 24 articles in peer-reviewed scientific journals, Dr. Gish “is also known worldwide for winning over 300 scientific debates with evolutionists”. As you can see, many fully credentialed scientists deeply intimate with the varied aspects of evolution, have wholly rejected the ideas. There are many more scientists today actually numbering in the thousands, who have also turned away from the monkey-man conjecture, and who now likewise embrace the literal Genesis record of human origin.

    The effects of ‘Scopes’ had it’s heyday. The pendulum of public opinion will now swing back with the release of Expelled. Solid Scientific evidence will be the catalyst, while the archaic ideas of Darwin are made a laughingstock. The current crop of evolutionary scientists will cluster and squall among their counterparts at the loss of all public respect. It is happening now, look and their blogs. Tell me there’s no God!

  105. #105 ajay
    February 28, 2008

    The great thing about the Open Conspiracy, as far as I remember, was the entrance requirement: you had to want to join. That was it.

    And the mistake a lot of people make with the pipes is to listen to them indoors. Bad idea. They are an outdoor instrument. Ideal range 40 yards.

  106. #106 Dunc
    February 28, 2008

    The biggest mistake people make with the pipes is listening to them being played by people who can’t actually play the bloody things. Believe me, I’ve lived in or near Edinburgh most of my life, and every year come tourist season these tone-deaf, totally shameless idiots are out in their full Bonnie Prince Charlie regalia making a hideous din and getting photographed by tourists for a fiver a shot on every street corner. I think I’ve heard one street busker who could really play the pipes in my entire life.

    For those who like the pipes, or who don’t know if they like the pipes, I’d recommend having a listen to a band called Breabach. (Click “Launch Music Player”, and select “Cockerel in the Creel”)

  107. #107 Sarcastro
    February 28, 2008

    Tell me there’s no God!

    There is no God.

    Well, except that amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles outside the ordered universe at the center of all infinity–the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes.

  108. #108 Brownian, OM
    February 28, 2008

    As children we are taught fairy tales, but folks frauds really don’t change to scientists. Let’s look at some Scientific facts…NO CDESIGN PROPONENTSIST has ever been observed to produce a more cohesive explanatory framework, i.e., add new evidence; even with current ID-friendly ‘peer-reviewed’ journals. Evolutionary biologists simply had their Existing articles, papers and research destorted, nothing beneficial to the scientific community occurred in those reinterpretations. Again- and this is THE BIGGIE- No New Evidence Has Ever Been Observed (NNEHEBO) to develope from cdesign proponentsists reinterpreting actual research or ‘working in labs’. Think about that, NO NEW Evidence has Ever been observed to develope from cdesign proponentsists reinterpreting actual research or ‘working in labs’.
    Intelligent Design is a totally baseless exercise of faith, since this single issue has never been resolved!
    [Expletive Deleted]

    Anytime Dr. Gish wants to actually contribute to science, we’ll be waiting.

  109. #109 blf
    February 28, 2008

    Dear Fellow Dark Clan members,

    Has there been some change in the payment arrangements? I just got this notice from our friends in Nigeria, and it seems they need my details again! WTF?

    Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2008 05:16:03 -0600
    Subject: NOW CALL GLOBAL SPEED COURIER COMPANY FOR YOUR $1.5,000 000.00 Million USA DOLLARS.
    From: Barr.Don Nosky. <don_nosky072@yahoo.com>
    Hello my dear,

    I have been waiting for you since to come down here and pick your money but I did not heard from you since that time as we fixed.Then I went and deposited the $1.5,000 000.00 Million USA Dollars,as consignment box to GLOBAL SPEED COURIER COMPANY LIMITED in Benin Republic,because I travelled to SAUDI ARABIA to visit my friend and i will not come back till next month ending.

    I want You to contact the GLOBAL SPEED COURIER COMPANY LIMITED to know when they will deliver your package. I have paid for the delivering charges The only money you have to send to them is the,security keeping fee, which is $200.00 Us Dollars to receive your package. …

    Could this please be sorted out quickly? Most of those funds are earmarked for the next shipment of alien babies, and you know what those guys are like when the payment’s delayed.

    Thanks for your prompt attention,

  110. #110 Michelle
    February 28, 2008

    Damn, is that Michael dude just hit and running his retarded lengthy logic-lacking speech in every thread he sees?

  111. #111 Leigh
    February 29, 2008

    @Michelle #108:
    Geez Louise, is this Michael fellow FOR REAL? I thought it was a parody . . .

    Sign me up for the Dark Clam. Where do I get the cool robe, and when do we take over the world?

  112. #112 Polyester Matherd. D.D.
    February 29, 2008

    ‘Tis death to sequence the Tentacled One , for amplifying its hoxrisks unleashing the ancestral memories of the chthulhu crusc clam

  113. #113 Michelle
    February 29, 2008

    @Leigh #109: He looks genuine, considering I seen that pre-made lame speech by him in at least two threads here.

  114. #114 Tom
    February 29, 2008

    I was reading his description, and I kept thinking, “Project for a New American Century…”

  115. #115 tus
    March 5, 2008

    the more elaborate and complex the conspiracy theory the more desperate the person saying it is…

    this says “i want to believe we are on the side of good. and all this information about religion doing bad things, crimes being higher in religious areas than non, and evidence against the bible is all a big conspiracy”

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