Pharyngula

This is kind of sad, actually. It’s a slick website from a guy in Utah who claims to have discovered pre-Cambrian dragons. Browse around his gallery, and it’s clear that what he’s got are pictures of random rocks, and that he’s seeing shapes in them like one sees shapes in the clouds. He reminds me of Ed Conrad.

His name is Mike Hallett, so of course this period of gigantic dragons is called the Hallettstoneion. He has also written a book, which has to be seen to be believed. I swear, I think it’s actually written in crayon. Here’s a sample, in case you’d really rather not download a 40MB pdf.

Ouch. I hope his family gets the poor man some help.

Comments

  1. #1 Torbjörn Larsson, OM
    March 27, 2008

    Well. Anyway, what is the etymology behind the term “stoned”?

  2. #2 David Marjanovi?, OM
    March 27, 2008

    After watching the first 8 minutes or so (and finding out that I can read most of the text if I just ignore the transitions…) I’m with comments 53, 58, 76 and 80. (And I agree with comment 72 that spellcheckers are teh evul.)

    0.55 Tc.

    Someone should perhaps tell him that vertebrate hard tissues, except eggshells, consist of calcium phosphate, not calcium carbonate…

    …and that he can’t dig Cambrian fossils out of earth. That’s the only part that is truly sad about the video.

    I wonder if constantly repeating a small part of the Jurassic Park theme is legal, though. And when Spaceballs parodized the almost horizontal zoom-by text of Star Wars, it was funny, but this time… argh…

    ——————–

    Cuttlefish, you forgot to allow anyone without a Google/Blogger account to comment on your blog, so I have to drag it here into public what you wrote about your poem on the dicyemids:

    Oh, for those who wonder about these things–this one was one of the verses that might as well have been self-writing. Less than 15 minutes, and it came out in final form. I love it when that happens.

    Truly, you are not human.

    “I am not human”
    – Mr Spock

  3. #3 Torbjörn Larsson, OM
    March 28, 2008

    Kseniya, thanks, I didn’t know that – but I can see how it applies to alcohol as well.

    Your Knowledge of drugs and their relation to music is awesome. And here I went around thinking the Rolling Stones were the emblematic start of the Paleolithic Age in music and drug business. (As in “Rock and stone won’t break my boner”.)

  4. #4 kim
    April 19, 2008

    So all you super smarter than everyone people. I have seen these things. Look closley at the pictures mike has taken the so called teeth are similar to shark teeth and there are truly repeat teeth. The repeat teeth are smaller than the main set but they do in fact look the same as the much bigger bottom ones. I personally dout that there are any rocks that are or look the same up there on the water lines where he in fact is working very hard. I have, repeat (have) seen these teeth and the repeats of them. Mike means well and I do not think he crazy or spending much time looking for rocks that look the same,(they are the same). Do any of you have the balls to go see this or mabey stop bashing and help him. Mike has tried to get experts to look but they are all so cool and brilliant like you people that they are to good to look. Must be the hair on mikes head that (we do at the salon) where i work that scares them away. Mike is a very nice person and does not deserve your bashing.

  5. #5 dka
    April 21, 2008

    Well, if this is just a parody, he is taking it to the next level. He called our university library late Friday and left a message asking if we have anyone interested in coming out to Utah to study the mathematical repetition of the bones. The quality of the recorded phone call was about on a par with the quality of the video.

    Perhaps he is trying to get his hit numbers up. Right now on Google if you search for marine reptiles Utah, he is at the bottom of the first page of hits.

  6. #6 kim
    April 24, 2008

    Well as I said Mike is not a schooled scientist. However neither am I, (Just interested}. What Mike has found is strange and I have seen these things what if his dum ass is right and noone pays attention. There are like I said there are to many repeat so called teeth. From the way they look to me the bigger ones have the same marks or fabric as the small ones this is fastenating (like a set of sharks teeth). This is what makes me think his rocks are not just rocks. So dont just discount him because he may not be as literate as all the smarter than thou poeple of the world. Mike has worked very hard with virtually no help. and especially from anyone who is smarter than thou. And I did not get the name of your University. Would you care to share?

  7. #7 Mke Halett
    April 24, 2008

    Dicovery Pre historic sea drago remians found in Utah USA. Photos of the Hallettetoneion SeaZoria dragon discovery can be viewed at wwwhszoria.com. The discovery of the SeaZoria dragons is the single most significant paleo scienific discovery in history thus far reprenting an entirely new of advanced evolutionairy maine biology. Pre dating the land dinosouar era by 320 million years In addtion to being the dicovery of the true sea dragons. The seazorias are the worlds oldest, largest, and more imortantly the most advanced form of life ever dicovered. The Hallettestoneion SeaZoris dragons were frozen alive 540 million years ago. The Seazoria remains have been reduced to dirt and stone. The Hallettestoneion Research project speciaizes skull matrix ecavations. Skulls, teeth, and spikes. The Seazoria skulls come with full and comlete set of teeth. Teeth – rights, lefts, tops, and bottoms. All full size pimary mature teeth have identical progressive replacement teeth. All Teeth are in biological structures rights and lefts only, no exceptions. Devolping a woking knowlage of the repeating zoria biological structures is the absolute key to un locking the SeaZorias and to obtain a comphrehensive scientific understanding of this new era of advanced pre cambrian marine biology. The repating zoria bologial structures (teeth, spikes) have 117 common inherent structural charitorisics, rights and lefts only. Look into the Seazoria website at wwwhszoria.com and click on the photos in the galleres to enlarge. their are identicle repeats, proggresive repeats, and repeats in right and lefts. The discvery of the Hallettestonion SeaZoria is Mathimaticly impossable to refute. Our research is based on more than 7500 hours of field work.

  8. #8 God and a Half
    April 24, 2008

    Wow, he’s already halfway to disemvoweled! Convenient! (Of course he’s also halfway disemconsonanted, so…)

  9. #9 NJ
    April 24, 2008

    Dicovery Pre historic sea drago remians found in Utah USA…

    Dee-dee-dee-dee. Dee-dee-dee-dee.

    {/Rod Serling}

  10. #10 Brian Tani
    April 24, 2008

    The Hallettestoneion SeaZoris dragons were frozen alive 540 million years ago

    I guess he’s also frozen, because he kept missing the letters in the keyboard as if shivering from the cold…

  11. #11 tina
    May 11, 2008

    Kim is right mike is a very nice person, very sincere, he believes in what he is talking about. He has put alot of work into it because he believes it and personaLLY I also see somethin different in these rocks, they are with the same exact marks in his repeats. Why doesn’t someone let him excavate one so we can know for sure! And if he’s right he desreves it to be known. And if he is wrong at the very least we can see how good he could be to create something from nothin, so quit laughing and prove him wrong…. start helping him dig and lets find out once and for all.

  12. #12 Robo
    October 14, 2008

    I have been inspired by this to announce my own discovery:

    DISCOVERY OF GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS

    Long missing from the fossil records, and now newly discovered in the fossil beds of an ancient sea that once covered New Hampshire, the world was stunned today to learn of the discovery of a unknown species of tremendous size – a GIANT SEA GOING PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS.

    Speaking on conditions of strict anonymity, the discovery of this amazingly great wonderful, surprising, and all important creature said “The discovery of GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS, a creature that ruled the seas from the Permian right up until the Iron Age, is of huge scientific importance, and will cause us to have to re-evaluate all we thought we knew about life on this planet.”

    Speaking from inside a scale model of the GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS, our anonymous source continued “This scale model is only 1/58 natural size, meaning that the real GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS would have been over 9 miles in length! And since the GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS was omnivorous, all the theories related to the extinction of dinosaurs and other species will have to be put aside as it is perfectly obvious that the GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS ate them all, in addition to sea dragons and mermaids!”

    Leaving the model by the back door, the discoverer directed reporters to a huge pile of rocks that resembled platypus bills. “Now some will tell you that these are rocks that resemble platypus bills” he said, “but our test have proven beyond doubt that they are platypus bills that, due to fossilization, resemble rocks!”

    Pointing to a nearby case he continued “Some say that this is only the skull of fairly large platypus of today. Now watch what happens when you view it from behind this two story magnifying glass. It becomes what is is, the skull of a GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS! ”

    How the discovery of GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS will affect life science biological and change our understanding with regards to the origins and evolution of life on earth is anyone’s guess. Will we unlock some of the very keys to life itself though the GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS discovery? The key to the scientific understanding of the GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS is to concentrate all scientific resources on the excavation and reconstruction of a GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS skull matrix. The construction of a GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS with a full and complete bill will make the existence of GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS pretty hard to deny.

    At this time with less than one GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS examples remaining it is absolutely imperative that a GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS bill matrix be completely excavated and reconstructed. This GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS bill matrix excavation and reconstruction should be of the highest national scientific priority, second only to the possible capture of a living species of GIANTANTIC, SEA GOING PREHISTORIC PLATYPUS – OHANNONORNITHORHYNCHUS GIANATINUS, survivors of which are rumored to live somewhere in the New Jersey swamp, and also in Cloud Creek, Arkansas.