Hey c'mon guys, admit it -- you'd like to be able to get your penises to extend to half your body length too, wouldn't you? (Not to mention the ladies - size matters, right?)
Nature documentarys should all be narrated thusly. Forget the boring old "drone drone drone." Nature is exciting, wonderous and plain fucking wierd and to wrap it up in false dignity cheapens nature itself and the sheer joy to be had from discovering.
OK - that was very very odd- i live here and i NEVER knew abut this - whew i have new respect for the slimy little guys - i was beautiful and awe - ful!
Considering the messy co-mingling of their penises, when they retract are they guaranteed to get the sperm of only the other, or can they get their own? If so, is there some mechanism that prevents them from fertilizing their eggs with their own sperm? Or do they just live with this dark secret?
My niece walked over and said, "What are those things doing?!" and I had to pretend slugs make beautiful art for people to look at, because who wants to explain hermaphroditic slug sex to a 9 year old?
Just because they're hermaphrodites doesn't mean that they can't use their own sperm. That's not asexual reproduction, even if it is damn weird. I wonder if they do impregnate themselves sometimes?
"Terrifying" and "beautiful" aren't mutually exclusive, but personally, I think these are neither. There's certainly animals with beautiful penises - wolves come to mind, for instance -, but leopard slugs just don't "do it" for me. :)
Well, PersonalFailure, in the case of my 9 year old nice (hmm, actually maybe coming on for 11 now I guess, time does fly) I think I'd sit back and let her explain it to me. She's the one that dissected a deceased chicken instead of letting it be disposed of, supervises the sheep tupping, takes an interest in pretty much all things scientific and will make an ... interesting.... partner for some lucky person when she gets older.
'Mucosus invertebratus caputithyphallicus'?
I always thought it was Limax maximus.
Perhaps this mating ritual could serve as proof of intelligent design. I think the Discovery Institute should add this to their extensive experimental repertoire. I can see the headline: "Design dickheads prove dickheads designed"
Yeah. I saw this once with the duller slugs here in MA...gorgeous, in a twirling, slime-encrusted penis sort of way. They touched "mouths" together near the end of the...um...act, resulting in a slime thread between their mouths, that grew a tiny bubble, and then I think an even tinier something that may have been a slug polliwog passed between them, sucked in by the second before they began swinging (yeah, baby!) so they could touch the newel post and trail off on their separate ways.
Does anyone know if that's possible? The embryo/infant passing thingie?
As if they weren't weird enough already...
Nah, that's not a scary penis. If you want something truly horrifying, check out the penis of the bedbug (and a few other genera of bugs), which is effectively a sword. The male impregnates the female by piercing her side with his appendage by what is known as "traumatic insemination", and his sperm migrates to her genital tract. Repeated copulations damage the female through injury and infection, leading to her premature death. Thus she is less able to reproduce with other males, ensuring his sperm is more likely to achieve success.
In response, females have evolved a groove down the side of their exoskeletons to direct the penis to a particular reinforced region known as paragenitalia, where the penis will do less damage. There is evidence that increased protection against infection resides in this region.
This is a classic case of sexual conflict in evolution and indeed, the penises of such species evolve at quite a startling rate.
Speaking of elegant slug sex, this is a photo I took of red triangle slugs, Triboniophorus graefii, doing the humpy bumpy in our garden (north of Sydney, Australia).
What tim Rowledge said at #48. No better time to teach about sex and its myriad variations as long as you can do so without acting uncomfortable about it. In fact 9 years is a little late, IMHO.
Speaking of elegant slug sex, this is a photo I took of red triangle slugs, Triboniophorus graefii, doing the humpy bumpy in our garden (north of Sydney, Australia).
I've got some SEM images of a Triboniophorus penis. (As one does). It's covered in what look like small spines. Hermaphroditic and into a little S & M.
Send that to Ray Comfort. Since there is little hope that he'll understand sex at all anyway, you can do it for shits n giggles knowing he'll lose sleep over it.
The hugs of slugs, the tricks of dicks,
Hermaphroditic bliss;
To climb, make slime, perchance to dance,
Much closer than a kiss.
Their bed, a thread that's slung or hung
From branch, or jutting rocks,
Where they display a gay ballet
Of intertwining cocks.
This sex may vex the prude, as rude,
Or deviant or odd;
To spin as sin, we know, would show
A very boring god!
You know, when your penis is as big as you are, it really calls this question to mind: Is this a slug with a large penis, or is it a penis with a small slug?
Damn these deep philosophical questions. Now I'm going to be up all night.
So how did two hermaphrodite slugs evolve simultaneously ? Hmmmmm, yeah ,see? gotcha gotcha.
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick!
So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trousers snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock.
Don't take it out in public,
Or they will put you in the dock ...
And you won't
come
back.
And the board of the Tentacleton-foundation proudly presents this year's slimy winner. A little squishy, perhaps, but with the mind to penetrate any barrier of uncertainty!
My niece walked over and said, "What are those things doing?!" and I had to pretend slugs make beautiful art for people to look at, because who wants to explain hermaphroditic slug sex to a 9 year old?
9? That's more than old enough. :-D I was lucky to have access to science books by a very young age so I was well aware of human and animal reproduction. Seeing something as awesome as this back then would have been neat. I have to encourage you to give your niece lots of books about science, space, biology etcetera. She'll thank you for it when she grows older.
I think I liked Attenborough's narration better.
Suddenly, I'm reminded of Mel Brooks' speech concerning "pee pee envy."
Pensees en penises...
Looks like fun. Maybe possible for a couple from Cirque du Soleil, but not me, alas.
<vader>Impressive!</vader>
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a coiling body-length translucent penis emerging from the side of your head, kid.
"It is at this point that they whip their dicks out."
This surpasses Monty Python's "The Whelk" skit. High-school biology class would be booked up if we had these kinds of lectures.
We, the banana slug contingent, are saddened by our cousins' attempt to gin up some press about their size.
Try banana, you'll never go back! (oh, this rhymes in the original)
Spineless Slimy Dick Heads
sounds like a few survivor contestants
All rather lovely. Nature, always absolutely gob smacking.
Hey c'mon guys, admit it -- you'd like to be able to get your penises to extend to half your body length too, wouldn't you? (Not to mention the ladies - size matters, right?)
Brings new meaning to the term "dicknose"
Nature documentarys should all be narrated thusly. Forget the boring old "drone drone drone." Nature is exciting, wonderous and plain fucking wierd and to wrap it up in false dignity cheapens nature itself and the sheer joy to be had from discovering.
Rheinhard:
I'd pass out from the all the blood leaving my head!
(Not to mention the ladies - size matters, right?)
Size may matter, but there's a certain point at which it turns into, "What, exactly, do you expect me to do with that?"
MAJeff, Welcome back!!!!!!
I want a prehensile cock.
Also, proof that ghey secks is natural.
This reminds me of another cool slug porn video from Pharyngula before it moved to Scienceblogs.
http://pharyngula.org/index/weblog/comments/theyre_blue_and_long_and_pr…
I randomly ran across the sweet act of slug love one night, after rain, while carrying my camera:
http://s313.photobucket.com/albums/ll394/darrengarrison/slugs/
OK - that was very very odd- i live here and i NEVER knew abut this - whew i have new respect for the slimy little guys - i was beautiful and awe - ful!
Considering the messy co-mingling of their penises, when they retract are they guaranteed to get the sperm of only the other, or can they get their own? If so, is there some mechanism that prevents them from fertilizing their eggs with their own sperm? Or do they just live with this dark secret?
This is now my second favorite nature video of all time, second only to the video of the octopus strangling the shark at an aquarium
So what prevents a slug's own sperm to impregnate their own eggs if it gets transferred with the donor slugs sperm?
Wow, I found that surprisingly interesting.
Sorry Jim B, I didn't see your post before practically asking the same question. You know, great minds......
Yet more "terrifying" penises
So what prevents a slug's own sperm to impregnate their own eggs if it gets transferred with the donor slugs sperm?
Um... Jesus?
Helioprogenus, the same thing that keeps a flower from pollinating itself: it's a hermaphrodite, but it does not reproduce asexually.
Penis evolution (thanks, PZ Myers!)
Penis dimension* (thanks, Ken Cope!)
*The Fluorescent Leech + Eddie + FZ + orchestra = !!!!!!!
"The penis can be a very useful organ."
"And very exciting, too, once you get to know me!"
My niece walked over and said, "What are those things doing?!" and I had to pretend slugs make beautiful art for people to look at, because who wants to explain hermaphroditic slug sex to a 9 year old?
Mollusks rock!
I think it's great that you were inspired to post this by that Littler guy.
There was a poster printed some years ago called "Penises of the Animal Kingdom". Anybody have a copy?
Stephanurus
What a great way to start Sunday surfing -- no, seriously. A beautiful, jaw-dropping spectacle.
I'm curious, though: isn't dangling from a branch out in the open pretty risky? Or do night-flying birds not eat slugs?
Also, what's to prevent a slug-eating ground animal from waiting below the branch until the happy couple have their cigarette and drop off?
"Spineless Slimy Dick Heads" my ass, isn't the scientific name of these guys Limax maximus?
Dr Manhattan anyone?
I wonder how these slimy spineless dickheads plan to spend their AIG bonuses.
Yes, all nature documentaries should be narrated in this style.
"Whipped their dicks out." I lol'd.
I've seen better...
Just because they're hermaphrodites doesn't mean that they can't use their own sperm. That's not asexual reproduction, even if it is damn weird. I wonder if they do impregnate themselves sometimes?
"Terrifying" and "beautiful" aren't mutually exclusive, but personally, I think these are neither. There's certainly animals with beautiful penises - wolves come to mind, for instance -, but leopard slugs just don't "do it" for me. :)
I have nothing to add, but I cannot let a penis-related post go by without getting my paws all over it, so to speak.
hmmm... that's the million dollar question
what's more terrifying: a body-length, prehensile, penis coming out of your head; or a blue, radioactive penis...
And, predictably, my sister walks into the room just as it says THE WORLD'S MOST TERRIFYING PENISES!
Maybe they oughtta be called Jupiter Slugs. Didn't Minerva come from his brain?
As for the title of this post, well, I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
So this is why Kentucky government officials cannot access Pharyngula during work hours.
Well, PersonalFailure, in the case of my 9 year old nice (hmm, actually maybe coming on for 11 now I guess, time does fly) I think I'd sit back and let her explain it to me. She's the one that dissected a deceased chicken instead of letting it be disposed of, supervises the sheep tupping, takes an interest in pretty much all things scientific and will make an ... interesting.... partner for some lucky person when she gets older.
@JD: I spurted coffee out my nose!
I call Rule 34.
http://xkcd.com/305/
If only I'd known that all I had to do was post a movie with flamboyant blue penises to get MAJeff to come out of retirement.
Someone has a Visual Comparison Fetish, I see.
But I do agree; those are some gorgeous willies!
My penis is far more terrifying and twice as slimy. Where's my show segment?
There is a down side to this.
I'll never be able to use "Spineless Slimy Dick Head" as an insult any more, as it would seem more like flattery.
it's sad, but I find the slugs really ugly and the entwined phalluses totally pretty. it looks like something i'd hang from my rearview.
Hey, this isn't terrifying. What was terrifying was that morningstar penis on that beetle a couple of weeks ago! This is just pretty...
@Stephanurus:
There was a poster printed some years ago called "Penises of the Animal Kingdom". Anybody have a copy?
yup.
here ya go:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ichthyic/3377119486/sizes/o/
warning: it's a BIG scan, so give it a sec to load up.
ummm...
it's a BIG scan, so give it a sec to load up.
pun unintentional.
:P
"Not to mention the ladies - size matters, right?"
Size provides good rules of thumb for knowing when to run away.
Welcome back, MAJeff!
Numad noted: Size provides good rules of thumb for knowing when to run away
Or when to point and laugh!
D'oh! That would be mean!
I keep seeing MAJeff's handle snarking promiscuously all over the webses.
'Mucosus invertebratus caputithyphallicus'?
I always thought it was Limax maximus.
Perhaps this mating ritual could serve as proof of intelligent design. I think the Discovery Institute should add this to their extensive experimental repertoire. I can see the headline: "Design dickheads prove dickheads designed"
Yeah. I saw this once with the duller slugs here in MA...gorgeous, in a twirling, slime-encrusted penis sort of way. They touched "mouths" together near the end of the...um...act, resulting in a slime thread between their mouths, that grew a tiny bubble, and then I think an even tinier something that may have been a slug polliwog passed between them, sucked in by the second before they began swinging (yeah, baby!) so they could touch the newel post and trail off on their separate ways.
Does anyone know if that's possible? The embryo/infant passing thingie?
As if they weren't weird enough already...
Nah, that's not a scary penis. If you want something truly horrifying, check out the penis of the bedbug (and a few other genera of bugs), which is effectively a sword. The male impregnates the female by piercing her side with his appendage by what is known as "traumatic insemination", and his sperm migrates to her genital tract. Repeated copulations damage the female through injury and infection, leading to her premature death. Thus she is less able to reproduce with other males, ensuring his sperm is more likely to achieve success.
In response, females have evolved a groove down the side of their exoskeletons to direct the penis to a particular reinforced region known as paragenitalia, where the penis will do less damage. There is evidence that increased protection against infection resides in this region.
This is a classic case of sexual conflict in evolution and indeed, the penises of such species evolve at quite a startling rate.
Speaking of elegant slug sex, this is a photo I took of red triangle slugs, Triboniophorus graefii, doing the humpy bumpy in our garden (north of Sydney, Australia).
http://www.flickr.com/photos/monocotyledon/476567187/in/set-72157603075…
I lol'd, well done.
Has this been forwarded to Ray Comfort?
What tim Rowledge said at #48. No better time to teach about sex and its myriad variations as long as you can do so without acting uncomfortable about it. In fact 9 years is a little late, IMHO.
"D'oh! That would be mean!"
Not to mention counterproductive, as you may just be contributing in pushing more people to inject silicone in inappropriate bodyparts!
Not to mention counterproductive, as you may just be contributing in pushing more people to inject silicone in inappropriate bodyparts!
hmm, I've always wanted one of those big-bulging foreheads...
Rock it, Grey-style.
I had no idea leopard slugs were Catholic.
But then again we all knew that Bill Donohue was a dickhead.
Makes me glad I breed one of the few snails that has distinct males and females. But larger female malaysian trumpets can reproudce parthenogenicly.
Most fishkeepers hate the trumpets, but I love them. Their borrows keep my purple sulfer bacteria and denitrifying bacteria alive.
I have little to say about the slugs. I just want to welcome MAJeff back!
The slug weenie bell thing would make an interesting rear-view mirror danglie. Especially when Grandma asks about it.
Margaret Morgan,
Those are really beautiful slugs; I've never seen them before.
Apparently winter isn't the only thing that is too long in Canada...
(although I do blame the long winters for stuff like that video)
This whole video made me smile. :)
Speaking of elegant slug sex, this is a photo I took of red triangle slugs, Triboniophorus graefii, doing the humpy bumpy in our garden (north of Sydney, Australia).
I've got some SEM images of a Triboniophorus penis. (As one does). It's covered in what look like small spines. Hermaphroditic and into a little S & M.
FAPFAPFAPFAPFAP HAWT SECKS ON YOUTUBE
Hahaha. "Prehensile Body-length translucent white slug-cock". I'll have to remember that as an insult.
Send that to Ray Comfort. Since there is little hope that he'll understand sex at all anyway, you can do it for shits n giggles knowing he'll lose sleep over it.
The hugs of slugs, the tricks of dicks,
Hermaphroditic bliss;
To climb, make slime, perchance to dance,
Much closer than a kiss.
Their bed, a thread that's slung or hung
From branch, or jutting rocks,
Where they display a gay ballet
Of intertwining cocks.
This sex may vex the prude, as rude,
Or deviant or odd;
To spin as sin, we know, would show
A very boring god!
Ooh, that's a sexy video. Cuttlefish, your poem's hot, too.
You know, when your penis is as big as you are, it really calls this question to mind: Is this a slug with a large penis, or is it a penis with a small slug?
Damn these deep philosophical questions. Now I'm going to be up all night.
PZ, you scared my boyfriend. I was very amused. That's a hilarious video. ^.^
So how did two hermaphrodite slugs evolve simultaneously ? Hmmmmm, yeah ,see? gotcha gotcha.
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick!
So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trousers snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock.
Don't take it out in public,
Or they will put you in the dock ...
And you won't
come
back.
And the board of the Tentacleton-foundation proudly presents this year's slimy winner. A little squishy, perhaps, but with the mind to penetrate any barrier of uncertainty!
A dick like Myers surely knows a lot about this subject.
@57/Ichthyic:
"http://www.flickr.com/photos/ichthyic/3377119486/sizes/o/"
That picture seems to be private.
A Molly for the clever wit @#88.
"Slimy spineless dickhead." Are they talking about slugs or my ex?
Wow, that was amazing and beautiful :-D
9? That's more than old enough. :-D I was lucky to have access to science books by a very young age so I was well aware of human and animal reproduction. Seeing something as awesome as this back then would have been neat. I have to encourage you to give your niece lots of books about science, space, biology etcetera. She'll thank you for it when she grows older.
At 51/2 I was the best doctor on the block.;> If I had only known it would be ten years before I would be allowed to practice medicine again.
Very nice, Cuttlefish!
If you're looking for terrifying penises, http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Tatianas-Sex-Advice-Creation/dp/0805063315 is great.
And to think, the homophobic patriarchal set invokes "Natural Law" as a pretext for gay-bashing...
And once again, Bravisimo Cuttlefish!
:squiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrms:
I hate hate hate hate hate slugs of any and all kind.
At least the commentary was amusing.
1) Welcome back, Dr. MAJeff!
2) Just when you think it couldn't get funnier, Cuttlefish weighs in FTW.
That picture seems to be private.
hmm.
ok try again.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3011/3377119486_47c2f6bd9a_o_d.jpg