Everyone’s Best “Friend”

“OK, here’s your profile.””

“You used the good picture of me, right?”

“Of course. Look here.”


“Oooh. I like that one. I look regal.”

“Yeah, I guess. So what do you want to add?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you can add applications, and become a fan of various things. Here, I’ll make you a fan of Physics.”

“OK, but isn’t there better stuff. How about steak? I like steak! Make me a fan of steak!”

“Ummm… Well, there are over 500 results for ‘steak.’ Which do you want?”

“All of them! Click them all!”

“Why am I the one doing this again?”

“Because I can’t work the mouse.”

“All right, look, I’m not going to click all of them. We’ll just do the top three, OK?”

“Fine. But you have to make me a fan of cheese, too. I like cheese! And bacon!”

“Oh, all right. Here.”

“Bacon steak and cheese!”

“How about some applications?”

“What are those?”

“You know, games and stuff. Here, you can play poker.”

“Dude, that is so cliché. What else is there?”

“Lots of things. You can add Ph.D. comics, or xkcd. You can follow blogs. And there are silly things, like SuperPoke.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s silly. You can poke people, and they can poke you, and you can also throw sheep at people, or… Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Dude, anybody who starts poking me is going to get bit. I wouldn’t mind a sheep, though.”

“Well, it’s not a real poke, or a real sheep. And the only people who can poke you are your friends.”

“I have friends?”

“Well, not yet, but that’s sort of the whole point of Facebook. It allows you to make friends with lots of different people.”

“Oooh! I like that! Friends give me treats. How many friends do I have?”

“At the moment, just me.”

“Awwww…. Nobody loves me.”

“Oh, stop. You don’t have any friends because you just started. But here, we can get you some friends. We’ll ask Sean, and Jennifer, and Dave, and…”

“Wait a minute. Ask? What’s with the asking?”

“Well, you have to send a request to people you want to be your friend, and they have to confirm it.”

“Why do I have to ask them? I am an excellent dog. People should be asking to be my friend, not me asking them.”

“I’m sure they will, but they don’t know to ask unless you ask them first.”

“Hmmph. I don’t like this. Can’t you just put it on the blog, and have them come to me?”

“Well, I suppose, but it’s not really the way it’s done…”

“Do it now!”

“OK, OK, take it easy… You know, maybe that’s enough Facebook for now.”

“Yes, I think so too. No more typing. Rub my belly.”


  1. #1 Lauren
    March 12, 2009

    Finally, someone who values Facebook for what it is.

  2. #2 aren
    March 12, 2009

    aww! If my aversion to posting personal info on the internet weren’t so great, I would want to join facebook just so that I could friend Emmy. Would a cat-proxy be acceptable to Emmy (who looks very regal indeed!)

  3. #3 Joshua Zelinsky
    March 12, 2009

    Yay. Just friended Emmy. Ok. Back to work now.

  4. #4 Bob O'H
    March 12, 2009

    aren – would your cat have the energy to create a facebook page?

    Evidently Emmy’s right – this is precisely the way facebook friends are made.

  5. #5 Mary Kay
    March 12, 2009

    Bunnies! You forgot bunnies! And probably squirrels and running and long walks on the beach. Um. I mean walkies.

    If I could figure out Facebook, I’d ask Emmy to be my friend. Sadly, I appear to be too old.


  6. #6 Larry Ayers
    March 12, 2009

    That photo is a great dog portrait!

    Looks quite a bit like my Malamute-Shepherd dog Tucker. Those brown eyes and all.

    But now Tucker will be begging me to set up a Facebook page for him! Just after I had finally convinced him that he didn’t need his own blog…

  7. #7 Clay B
    March 12, 2009

    OK, I can’t resist having a dog as my friend. Especially one who likes quantum physics.

    But I thought, on the internet, no one knows you are a dog.

  8. #8 marciepooh
    March 12, 2009

    I sure hope Emmy confirms me as her friend. I’m so nervous!

  9. #9 Sean Carroll
    March 12, 2009

    Does Emmy know about Dogbook?


  10. #10 David Owen-Cruise
    March 13, 2009

    The power of the internet is nothing compared to the power of the belly rubs.


  11. #11 Anon
    March 29, 2009

    Dammit, now I may have to join facebook. I was hoping to wait until it merged with VR so that you met “friends” by actually walking out into the real world. I guess that will never happen…

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