In keeping with our nautically themed posts (perhaps a teaser for April’s upcoming “Carnival of the Blue,” hosted by none other than yours truly the Fabulous Flying Bleiman Brothers), we bring you this story: Scientists at the Marine Biological Laboratory (MBL) at Wood’s Hole are attempting to train fish to do the stupidest thing possible, catch themselves in nets when beckoned by fishermen.

i-f20ae54f8baa8794a6e9712e57fff052-Black Sea Bass.jpg
Listening to U2 makes me want to “self-exterminate,” perhaps the scientists should try that?

The idea is to train captured or farm raised black sea bass to associate a loud tone with feeding time. Eventually, once the fish learn to…

…come running for food when summoned, they would be released into the ocean, where they could grow to their full size, breed and contribute to the ecosystem, yada, yada, yada. Then when the time comes, fishermen using broadcasting equipment could send out the tone and the fish would come flocking back to their deaths, reducing the cost of fishing significantly and helping to protect the population of the black sea bass.

The New England Association of Commercial Fishermen responded to the study with their usual skepticism. “Har, har, har, hardy, har, har,” said their Director of Legal Counsel. He then lifted up his shirt to show the scar from where a tiger shark bit him in 1944.


  1. #1 Joe Shelby
    March 26, 2008

    Douglas Adams predicts the future again…

    “Shall I interest you in part of my fin?”

  2. #2 milkshake
    March 26, 2008

    I suppose it is easier to train those fishes rather than installing them with miniature receivers in their dental fillings.

    Of course then we can have a hacker with a rogue broadcast and they all come flocking to the wrong boat. Aircraft carrier mistakes the school of trained fish for a russian submarine and we can have an international incident and lots of remotely-controlled fish killed by frikken depth charges

  3. #3 Andrew
    March 26, 2008

    99 luftseabass?

  4. #4 WTJ
    March 27, 2008

    LOL! This is the funniest post of the day! I read it like no less than 10 times! Maybe they should teach mosquitoes to bite themselves! hahah!

  5. #5 Tlazolteotl
    March 28, 2008

    Heh. Like emo cake (it cuts itself)!

  6. #6 geez43z
    April 9, 2009

    that accomplishes nothing….. and no its not funny

  7. #7 berna gmc
    April 22, 2009

    yemek tarifleri
    “Shall I interest you in part of my fin?”

New comments have been disabled.