Future Fish Will "Catch Themselves"

In keeping with our nautically themed posts (perhaps a teaser for April's upcoming "Carnival of the Blue," hosted by none other than yours truly the Fabulous Flying Bleiman Brothers), we bring you this story: Scientists at the Marine Biological Laboratory (MBL) at Wood's Hole are attempting to train fish to do the stupidest thing possible, catch themselves in nets when beckoned by fishermen.

Listening to U2 makes me want to "self-exterminate," perhaps the scientists should try that?

The idea is to train captured or farm raised black sea bass to associate a loud tone with feeding time. Eventually, once the fish learn to...

...come running for food when summoned, they would be released into the ocean, where they could grow to their full size, breed and contribute to the ecosystem, yada, yada, yada. Then when the time comes, fishermen using broadcasting equipment could send out the tone and the fish would come flocking back to their deaths, reducing the cost of fishing significantly and helping to protect the population of the black sea bass.

The New England Association of Commercial Fishermen responded to the study with their usual skepticism. "Har, har, har, hardy, har, har," said their Director of Legal Counsel. He then lifted up his shirt to show the scar from where a tiger shark bit him in 1944.