A new study of C. maculatus seed beetles has proven the worst case scenario for most men: size and in this case the number of painful, injuring spikes on their penises do in fact matter. The C. maculatus have a series of spikes and barbs on their members that, during sex, become embedded in their mates, acting as anchors of sorts.

We are so sorry, but what you are looking at is EXACTLY what you think it is.
“They literally injure females internally in their copulatory duct. They’re pretty mean,” Goran Arnqvist, the lead author of the study, said to National Geographic.

Bow-chicka-wow-wow
After looking at a large group of diverse, virgin beetles after copulation the study concluded that the beetles with the “largest and most damaging” phalluses had the most reproductive success. The injury to the females was simply an “unfortunate side effect” of the process. Holding tongue. Not making joke. Holding tongue. Holding tongue….
More entomologically hardcore images below the fold…

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Is that the Statue of Liberty? Nope, another beetle penis!

One species of seed beetle actually has a jaw like spine structure on its appendage.