Friday Fun: University Performs Fastest Soulectomy on Record

Yeah, we've all had this kind of week.

Thanks to The Cronk for humourously saving my soul this week: University Performs Fastest Soulectomy on Record.

Doctors have finally verified claims that the College of Madison performed the fastest soulectomy in higher education history.

"We couldn't believe the soulectomy could be completed in less than two days," said Dr. Rachel O'Quinn. "But all evidence points to verification."

*snip*

"The department was far more dysfunctional than Dr. Mecum anticipated and she had to act fast," explained the medical examiners. "The women professors in her department resented her youthful enthusiasm and the men thought she was weak because she liked students. She was advised immediately that the tenure committee frowned upon all candidates who enjoyed their jobs."

*snip*

According to witnesses, Mecum sold her soul the second day of work in order to maintain her sanity.

In a written statement that will be released in health journals next month, Mecum explained, "Being a jaded asshole isn't bad. I have lots of great colleagues to remind me that students are stupid and that having a life is a ridiculous and selfish goal. It's exciting to have made the transition to the tenure track in such a short time."

Yeah.

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