Not Exactly Rocket Satire
edyong | December 18, 2009Exciting hints that scientists had finally discovered the existence of dark matter - the mysterious substance thought to make up a quarter of the Universe - were dashed last night as researchers realised their equipment had detected a dark mattress instead.
The premature announcement was blamed on faulty software. "Apparently, someone left an errant ampersand in our code," said an embarrassed physicist, before weeping slowly into a whisky glass.
The Cryogenic Dark Matter Search (CDMS) laboratory, buried half a mile underground in an iron mine, announced last night that they had found traces…
edyong | May 20, 2009Yesterday, the entire world changed noticeably as the media, accompanied by some scientists, unveiled a stunning fossilised primate. The creature has been named Darwinius masillae, but also goes by Ida, the Link, the Chosen One and She Who Will Save Us All.
The new fossil is remarkably complete and well-preserved, although the media glossed over these facts in favour of the creature's ability to cure swine flu. Ida was hailed as a "missing link" in human evolution, beautifully illustrating our transition from leaping about in trees to rampant mass-media sensationalism.
Speaking to a group…