The Intersection

Paul Z Wants A Cracker?

i-6ed4085e64432a6734bfc89a50fdf43e-sparticus.pngI’ve been offline for months, having tired of the ridiculous ramblings you flightless hominids occupy yourselves with involving God knows what. However, on that topic, the recent outbursts in and out of the blogosphere have me so perplexed, I’m inclined to give everyone involved a good bite on the nose.

From a bird’s eye view, I cannot fathom why humans spend so much time arguing over who’s got religion right. Honestly, take it from a highly evolved species [ahem, the conure], all of your bemoaning isn’t worth peanuts. Believe whatever you’d like, but don’t get your feathers ruffled over each other’s deities or lackthereof.

i-81c8db64e8ef1c91e0363fa597d9d249-plot.pngThere are far more important things to think about. Take my proposal for the systematic eradication of cats… Those disgusting beasts are wreaking havoc all over civilized society with their pointed shrewish ears, their squinty eyes, and their collective evil plot to take over the world. [shiver] Yech!

And furthermore, I’m partial to Horus, the Falcon creator of the cosmos. (A fine looking chap, no?) Clearly, ancient Egyptians–a clever breed of homo sapien–recognized their role as avian subordinate. But even back then, there was the golden rule, so above all, limit squawking and try to maintain some mutual respect.


  1. #1 Philip H.
    July 14, 2008

    Ah Sparticus, so good to see you back. If you wish to invoke the Golden Rule, I might remind you that advocating the eradication of felines would lead some to postulate the eradication of conures. I’m just saying . . . . . and besides, cats already rule the world, so why would they take over AGAIN . . . . I mean, think about it – who else gets doors opened for them, food placed just so at least twice daily, brushings as often as asked, long naps, scratching on the head all the time, and forgiveness for the most atrocious of crimes simply due to cuteness. Seems to me they may well be the higher species.

  2. #2 Adrienne
    July 14, 2008

    Careful, Spartacus, you don’t want William Donomew of the Feline League for Civil Rights and Rightful Feline World Domination to issue a press release calling for you to be fired from your blogging post and publicly castigated (not to mention masticated), now do you?

  3. #3 s1mplex
    July 14, 2008

    Sorry, Sparticus… PZ has already covered this one, too:

  4. #4 Linda
    July 14, 2008

    Sparticus Maximus, how very good to read you in print again.
    And you are quite the ‘looker’.
    I’m inclined to disagree with your proposal for the eradication of cats. Personally, I am not a cat fancier, but they do have their place in the scheme of things.
    And remember what you just wrote about the ‘golden rule’ and mutual respect, conure and cat alike.

  5. #5 Jon Winsor
    July 14, 2008

    Hey, is that kitty in a book depository?

  6. #6 charlie
    July 14, 2008

    Sparticus Maximus wants a cracker, say it isn’t so.

  7. #7 John Mashey
    July 15, 2008

    Some here may be familiar with the Viscount Christopher Monckton, a vocal discussant of global warming, and one who might have liked to be a member of the House of Lords.

    His father Gilbert was a hereditary member of the House of Lords, but their number was downsized, forcing them to run for election.

    He ran “on a manifesto that included the muzzling of all cats to prevent cruelty to mice.” but alas, he failed to win a seat, ending this bid to advance an anti-cat agenda.

  8. #8 Adrienne
    July 15, 2008

    Oh my, Sparticus, I spelled your name wrong in my first comment. A thousand apologies, o Great One!

  9. #9 Christophe Thill
    July 16, 2008

    It is easy to counter the lies of this avian heretic. For Horus was but one deity among many. And foremost among those is our great mother Bastet (may she purr upon you all). Like all mummy-cats, Bastet is good, sweet and tolerant. Proof? She doesn’t want the little birds who blaspheme against her eradicated. On the contrary…

    And one thing is for sure: if you really want some of her Holy Cat Food, you can have some. You can even take it home. She won’t mind. At all.

  10. #10 Chan Sze Lin
    July 20, 2008

    Ken Miller has a great piece on this. As a practicing Catholic, he is not concerned that the Church cannot survive the middle school antics of PX.

    In fact, let him be, he is not helping his cause…which is by the way not science but atheism…and that is his problem.

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