Pharyngula

Whew. I’m not gay after all.

Many people sent me links to this list of bands that will turn you gay, but I held off on posting anything—it was too fishy. David Bowie, Melissa Etheridge, and Ted Nugent, sure…listen to a couple of tracks of those guys and you’ll only want to hang out with your fellow man. But Morrissey is listed as “?questionable?” and everyone knows the Grateful Dead make you lose interest in sex altogether, so I had my doubts.

Now Orac outs the author. He’s not a formerly gay televangelist; he’s a stand-up comedian.

Poor guy. I can sort of understand why he’d prefer to be known as an insane homophobe.

Comments

  1. #1 jamie
    January 28, 2007

    well, yes, listening to “Eminmen” made me homensexula.

  2. #2 bernarda
    January 28, 2007

    Will this Frank Zappa song turn you gay?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9cRU1kjnfc&mode=related&search=

  3. #3 Corey Schlueter
    January 28, 2007

    Why would Nickelback be on this list?

  4. #4 Rey Fox
    January 28, 2007

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

  5. #5 Willy
    January 28, 2007

    Awright, now I know they’re drinking the holy water: Frank Sinatra? Wow.

    They forgot Pat Boone, Creed, and The Singing Senators.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Singing_Senators

    Oh, and Weird Al Yankovic…he has two strikes against him: His name has weird and yank in it. Gay gay! GAY!!!!1!!!

  6. #6 Geral
    January 28, 2007

    The rolling stones are on the list?! I guess I have to rethink my sexuality!

  7. #7 grigory
    January 28, 2007

    If you were gay, you might cringe at the title of your blog post here… your relief at not being gay seems to imply that being gay is a bad thing? “Thank g-d I’m not gay… that would be terrible.” Implicit value judgment

  8. #8 Corey Schlueter
    January 28, 2007

    His “safe” bands include Cyndi “She Bop” Lauper. Must be a farce.

  9. #9 PZ Myers
    January 28, 2007

    Sheeee-yeah, man. The whole post is so serious, people might not realize the title is a joke.

  10. #10 Nomen Nescio
    January 28, 2007

    off topic: Nickelback. i always feel they picked their band name most wisely. as in, “i hit the wrong button on the jukebox and now i want my nickel(s) back”.

  11. #11 Some Dude
    January 28, 2007

    Even funnier, is if you go to the Safe Bands list. Dresden Dolls?? Bwwahahahahahahah…

  12. #12 C. Schuyler
    January 28, 2007

    I didn’t realize there was a band called “Cole Porter.”

  13. #13 Teapot
    January 28, 2007

    Not Sinatra!

  14. #14 have skunk
    January 28, 2007

    WANG, DANG, SWEET POONTANG!
    (So. Anybody feeling gayer yet?)

  15. #15 Graculus
    January 28, 2007

    Why would Nickelback be on this list?

    Of all the bands on the list, they most deserve to be there.

  16. #16 Steven
    January 28, 2007

    Hi PZ,

    Listen to yourself on The Innoculated Mind and it was good to hear your like the Iain M Banks and the Culture series. He is a fellow Scot like myself and I am also an avid fan of the man.

    I think Kenneth Miller is a real nice guy and a good scientist. He actually does some science unlike IDiots like Demski. I do think that he is at least slightly compartmentalising his mind. If he said he believe in god, ok but its the fact that he is a catholic, a christian that kind if makes me think “why that religion above any other”. It is only because he was brought up that way. Christianity is no more relevant than any other religion. It’s simple an accident of birth that decides your religion if you have one. At least this is the case in the overwhelming majoriy of cases. I appreciate him for trying to bring more religious people and perhaps anti-evolution people on board and showing them that it doesn’t have to conflict with their faith. Although I think it does if you think rationally. The bible is just a book. An old book written by people who new nothing about science compared to nowadays scienctists.

  17. #17 False Prophet
    January 28, 2007

    I was a little worried as I read this list while listening to Richard Cheese.

    No, not really.

  18. #18 Rey Fox
    January 28, 2007

    That’s a horrible insult to gay people, Graculus.

  19. #19 SteveC
    January 28, 2007

    Ted Nugent! Hah!

    Hmm, I see “free for all” in a new light.

  20. #20 Azkyroth
    January 28, 2007

    Can someone explain what it is about Nickelback that singles them out for significantly more derision than other bands in the same genre, with an often similar sound and lyrical themes? (Granted, I appreciated the sexism of “Never Again” very little, but…)

  21. #21 Lago
    January 28, 2007

    Maybe if one didn’t dress as a pirate so much there would not be this confusion in the first place?

  22. #22 Great White Wonder
    January 28, 2007

    Sheeee-yeah, man. The whole post is so serious, people might not realize the title is a joke.

    Huh. So PZ is gay. Who knew? I’m guessing it’s the fault of that madcap Syd Barrett.

  23. #23 Great White Wonder
    January 28, 2007

    everyone knows the Grateful Dead make you lose interest in sex altogether

    I dunno. The cover for ‘Go to Heaven’ gets my juices flowing a little bit. My gay juices, that is.

    http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=grateful+dead+go+to+heaven&btnG=Search+Images

  24. #24 Tyler DiPietro
    January 28, 2007

    The “safe bands” list is pretty damn funny. I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t consider P.O.D. safe in any way. That’s the kind of music that induces I.Q. loss.

  25. Dude – squid? Totally gay, dude.

  26. #26 Ian H Spedding FCD
    January 29, 2007

    Like the other guy said, I had no idea Frank Sinatra and Cole Porter were bands.

    Of course, they are about the only two on the list of any musical quality…

  27. #27 Graculus
    January 29, 2007

    Can someone explain what it is about Nickelback that singles them out for significantly more derision than other bands in the same genre

    I’ll reconsider once they write a second song.

    That’s a horrible insult to gay people, Graculus.

    You’re right, it was a terrible thing to say. I apologize.

  28. #28 Terrance
    January 29, 2007

    OMG! I think am about to die! That is the funniest thing I have ever seen. I really and I mean REALLY hope what I was viewing was the best Swiftian satire I have ever seen.
    Did anyone else follow this link besides me?

    http://www.eveningservice.com/Video

  29. #29 Terrance
    January 29, 2007

    Uhm, never mind.

    I just clicked on the second link PZ posted.

    I am a little slow, but I eventually catch on.

  30. #30 Azkyroth
    January 29, 2007

    Like the other guy said, I had no idea Frank Sinatra and Cole Porter were bands.

    Of course, they are about the only two on the list of any musical quality…

    You just HAD to upstage the comedian, didn’t you… 😛

  31. #31 kurage
    January 29, 2007

    Note the inspirational quote on the top of the page, attributed to “Oscar Wilde (reformed homosexual)”. That alone lets you know that it has to be a joke, because really, not even fundies are that dense.

  32. #32 raincoaster
    January 29, 2007

    Have you heard the guy’s single, God Hates a Fag? “Read the bible and you’ll be sure to enter Heaven; there’s NO BACK DOOR! Righteous man, get on your knees…”

    I mean, please. Please tell me you didn’t fall for this, at least after you heard it twice.

  33. #33 Fatmop
    January 29, 2007

    Why wasn’t Coldplay on that list? I tell you, the guy across the hall from me two years ago would blast Coldplay at 2 in the morning, convinced that everyone on the floor loved it and would thank him for it in the morning. Coldplay’s bad enough when it comes on the radio and you hear maybe 2 or 3 seconds before you can successfully change the station, but the entire whiny song (with gratuitous sing-alongs from the resident playing it) is too much to bear.

  34. #34 csrster
    January 29, 2007

    Whew. I’m straight too. Apart from Motorhead and Metallica. Because right now I really can’t afford to replace my entire wardrobe and I _like_ being able to get my hair cut in under ten minutes.

  35. #35 MissPrism
    January 29, 2007

    No Abba?

  36. #36 Blake Stacey
    January 29, 2007

    Once he said that the Dresden Dolls were “safe”, I figured he was either a faker or a passive conduit of jokes.

  37. #37 Feel Like a Stranger
    January 29, 2007

    PZM sez (all wrong, btw):
    everyone knows the Grateful Dead make you lose interest in sex altogether
    so GWW sez:
    I dunno. The cover for ‘Go to Heaven’ gets my juices flowing a little bit. My gay juices, that is.

    Oh, man, remember when Bobby used to wear those Izod shirts and get all rock-star n shit?…
    yeah…

  38. #38 Susan Brassfield Cogan
    January 29, 2007

    Ted Nugent in a loin cloth? You don’t have to listen to his music. The mental image alone would turn any woman gay.

    Susan

  39. #39 Alaric
    January 29, 2007

    Wow… Metallica, Nirvana, and David Bowie are on that list… apparently I am gay.

  40. #40 PZ Myers
    January 29, 2007

    There go any chances of grandchildren from you.

  41. #41 Trogdor
    January 29, 2007

    Re: Nickelback

    Nickelback is a Canuckistan group.

    Any of you Yanks who’ve travelled remember what’s on the reverse side of a Canadian nickel?

    Food for thought.

  42. #42 Kseniya
    January 29, 2007

    Panic At the Disco should also be on the Safe list.

    I’ll reconsider once they [Nickelback] write a second song.

    Exactly! Now please listen to this.

  43. #43 Heath
    January 29, 2007

    I can’t believe they left of Cher! I mean c’mon – how can you listen to Believe and not completely flame out 😉

  44. #44 Rey Fox
    January 29, 2007

    Putting something on the Safe list is an insult, right?

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