The AGU has a revised policy statement on Human-induced climate change requires urgent action (h/t: everyone).

As with any serious item like this, people release comedy versions. RP Sr had a go and JC threw in her bit, and now Screaming Lord Monckton has had a go, at the home of Blog Science Comedy, WUWT. To paraphrase M’lud:

* Global warming isn’t happening
* But if it was, it would be great

But whilst risible, he wins no points for originality: that kind of stuff is old hat.

So, I proudly announce (don’t let me down now) the Stoat Competition of the Month (ta da!): in your own words (but not to exceed a paragraph or two) just what should Monckton’s statement be? Points will be awarded for every septic talking point included, and deduc[t]ed for every truth you inadvertently include.

[The result: dorlomin (verdict: “easily”) -W]


* Anthony Watts calls inhomogeneity in his web traffic a success – VV


  1. #1 Hank Roberts

    You dropped this:


    [Ha. I was going to say that “steptic” makes no sense in this context but then spotted it. Fixed. Though deduced is possible… -W]

  2. #2 The Very Reverend Jebediah Hypotenuse

    Dear Serfs-of-Sadly-Limited-Intellect:

    Having cured MS and AIDS, and having proved that Obama was born in Kenya, I have of late been moved to take some great pains to illuminate the sorry state of geophysical unity in the Colonies. Drawing on my immense analytical skill-set, frequently and victoriously deployed on the Hitler Youth of climate alarm, I have discovered two facts: 1) I am the smartest man in the world, and 2) the smartest man in the world is me. As such, it behooves me to re-articulate the erroneous policy statement flowing from the halls of the tax-hungry, world-government-seeking, Yankee cartographers.
    Since the sun and the cosmic rays from the moon are actually in control of everything – and since the Sith have recently contacted me to inquire as to the possibility of performing another scientifically daring sky-dive, I can confidently assert that the people of earth are not in need of any policy statements but mine.

    Therefore, without further ado:
    Climate. Change. Oedipus rex. Plant food. Gin and tonic.

    Also – I have sent my navies in search of Al Gore. If they should ever find him, I will rebuke, in the strongest possible terms, that pretender and mansion-dwelling scofflaw again for the 2006 motion picture that initiated this whole climate charade.

    – Lord Chris Monckton, Defender of the Realm, WTFUWT Essayist-par-excellence, Advocate for Science, Omniscient, etc..

  3. #3 thomas

    did anyone bet this year?
    Neven sez – “But how long can that be kept up? There’s still 5-6 weeks to go until the end of the melting season, but 2013 is trailing 2012 by over 1.2 million km2. A new record has become impossible for all practical purposes.”

    [Sea ice is dull this year. The denialists will be all over the “recovery”, which is also dull -W]

  4. #4 dorlomin

    I am the very model of a citizen scientist climatalogical,
    I’ve information gaseous, nebulous and palaeontological,
    I know the blog authors, and I quote their science fictional
    From Climate Depot to Watt-er-loo, in order scatalogical
    I’m very well acquainted, too, with hoaxes mathematical,
    I invent equations, both the sensitivity and atmospheric,
    About UN climate plots I’m teeming with a lot o’ news, (bothered for a rhyme)
    With many cheerful facts about this dreadful Marxist ruse.

  5. #5 Garhighway

    It’s official: today’s winner of the internets is Dorlomin.

  6. #6 mandas

    I was going to try and say something witty, but it would pale in comparison to dorlomin.

    Well done sir – you win one internet!

  7. #7 Eli Rabett

    Eli OTOH, wishes to know when the services are at Rev. J’s Church of the Right Triangle

  8. #8 Kevin

    fwiw, my vote goes to the Rev Jeb as well.

  9. #9 deconvoluter

    Re: The neglected individuals.
    Roger Pielke Sr. and Judith Curry are resigning from the AGU and the AIP on the grounds of their unjustified promotion of the

    earthquake proof house

    When asked for their reasons JC and RP quoted the large uncertainty monsters exemplified by…

    “Our ability to predict earthquake hazards is, frankly, lousy,” said Seth Stein, a professor of Earth sciences at Northwestern University in Illinois

    [April 1st 2014 is not that far away].

  10. #10 American Idiot

    The Rev’s version is too coherent, sensible and modest to be Monckton.

  11. #11 Russell

    Having denounced my Harrow science master to the inquisition for denying the atheism of the anti-papist Isaac Newton , I can now place myself in nomination as Holy Roman Emperor , an office for which I a qualified by a patent of nobilty that can be traced almost as far back as the Suez Crisis, which I resolved at the age of six by tutoring Harold MacMillan in the strategic hydrodyamics of sudoku and the vital link between his immune system and the sunspot cycle. Had he not too selflessly breathed out the last of his CO2 in an efforf to save the English Ash form carbon starvation, he might be here to second Ser Tom Bethell’s proposal to append the Life Presidency of the Royal Society to my duties as Chancellor of the Heartland Institute in exile.

  12. […] 2013/08/07: Stoat: The AGU climate policy statement as redrafted by Monckton! […]

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