Google to Digitize Lost Library of Alexandria

From the news release:

Google to Digitize Lost Library of Alexandria

by Paoli du Flippi
-- posted @ 4/01/2010 12:01:00 AM PT

Today at Google Headquarters in Mountain View, California, Executive Dan Clancy, head of the Google Books project, announced plans to digitize the contents of the Lost Ancient Library of Alexandria.

Initially, some confusion arose among the assembled media representatives, who immediately began to inquire about the details of dealing with the recalcitrant and xenophobic government of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak. But Mr. Clancy quickly set the press corps straight.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you should know by now that Google does not undertake small projects. Or if we do, we do not convene press conferences to boast of them. No, although we are indeed currently scanning the contents of many contemporary foreign libraries as a routine part of our business model, I am talking now about access to the fabled and heretofore extinct institution which was founded during the reign of Ptolemy Soter in the third century BC, and which lasted in some form down until AD 391."

This "clarification" succeeded only in raising confusion and clamor among the reporters, newscasters and bloggers. But once order was restored to the auditorium, Mr. Clancy continued.

"You might ask how we here at Google have gained access to the Alexandrian collection, presumed to be forever lost. Was it through sponsorship of some archaeological dig perhaps, or a massive combing through museums and private holdings to reassemble the collection from unrecognized disparate bits? Nothing so trivial! Google simply had to invent a practical means of time travel, which we can now reveal to the public."

At this point, Mr. Clancy was joined onstage by a man who appeared to be his identical twin. Shortly after, a third duplicate appeared, and then, in quick succession, a dozen more.

*snip*

Mr. Clancy grinned. "Well, Mark, it's like this. The task is already done! As soon as we knew we were going to do it, we realized that sometime in the future the task would already be completed. So we just jumped ahead into the future and brought the complete Library of Alexandria scans back to our era. That's the miracle of time travel and its paradoxes! By the way: the entire project fits onto a ten-petabyte thumb drive. And we have copies today for everyone!"

April Fools!

Locus Magazine does a great set of April Fools news items every year and this year is no exception.

Here are links to the other articles for this year:

• 2010: News Summary of the Year To Date
• Doctorow and Stross to Write Authorized Sequel to Atlas Shrugged
• Tachyon Publications Announces First Annual Make-a-Genre Contest