Friday Fun: CERN Scientists Awaken Balrog

OK, so Friday Fun a day late.

Anyways, April Fools day was a couple of days ago and I thought that the ScienceBlogs home page was the funniest science-related prank of the day.

So, for those of you that missed the headline and the little story that went with it, here goes:

CERN Scientists Awaken Balrog

When the Large Hadron Collider brought protons up to full speed on Tuesday,
smashing them together at 99 percent the speed of light, the world did not end
as some feared. But disturbing news emerged Thursday morning that CERN
scientists have desperately been trying to cover up a catastrophe of another
kind. The force of protons colliding has apparently awakened a slumbering
Balrog. The Balrog's existence went undetected during preliminary evaluations
of the LHC site, but engineer Gordon Freeman, who worked on the construction of
the collider, says that several tests were done for the presence of Balrogs.
"There was no way we could have seen this coming," he said with his head in his
hands. The LHC staff have reportedly called for a team of cryptozoologists to
investigate how the Balrog might be cast down, but those who are familiar with
the ancient enemy aren't hopeful. "This foe will not be easy to smite," said
Freeman.

(This counts as digital preservation, right?)

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This foe will not be easy to smite," said
Freeman.

Oh, come on - CERN has a few of the most boring lecturers of the world on staff. They've sent legions of students into dreamless slumbers, how difficult could it be for them to put one measly Balrog back to sleep?

By Phillip IV (not verified) on 03 Apr 2010 #permalink

Come, come now.

I'm sure there are geeks on the CERN staff who have played D&D and who have put down a Balrog or two in their day.

They just have to dust off their old multi-sided dice and player-characters. A party of eight, a mixed group of high level Paladins, clerics and magic users should have the sort of firepower to handle the situation.

As usual, the incurious dogmatic and heartless so-called "scientific" community is responding in exactly the wrong manner. Our friend the Balrog was rudely awakened from its slumber, and now a bunch of volts who are so boring all they do is hit protons want to kill it!

We, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Balrogs, call on these would-be murderers to examine their morals and methods, to leave our friend in peace, and to stop being so cruel to those poor defenceless protons.

All the Balrog wants to do is live its days in peace, and cross the bridge.

The solution, then, is clear. CERN should turn its minds from smashing, looting, and killing things to building bridges.

By People for the… (not verified) on 03 Apr 2010 #permalink

Romeo, Definitely Balrogus Jacksoni -- they're way scarier. In fact, thanks for getting me to google up some pics of the Bakshi Balrog. They were actually kinda lame.

Phillip, Art, really, there's nothing more boring than listening to someone recount their old D&D war stories. Kill two Balrogs with one stone.

As for you PETB, I gotta say I see you guys having some serious conflicts with PETW -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Wizards. I see that bridge incident going either way.