More of Those Good Ol' "Family Values"

Yet more evidence that "family values" is nothing more than a catchphrase for "get the fags": the case of Tina Burch and Christine Smarr, a lesbian couple. In 1999, Smarr gave birth to a son, presumably through artificial insemination. In 2002, Smarr was killed in a car accident. Since that time, Smarr's parents have been fighting in court to have legal custody taken away from Burch, the only other parent the child known since the day he was born. In the initial trial, the court rightly found that Burch was the psychological parent to the child even while not being the biological parent, meaning she has been a parent in the only possible relevant sense of the term. The term "psychological parent" is quite normal in custody cases, as it should be. From the persepective of the child - the only perspective that really matters in such cases - parenthood has nothing whatsoever to do with biology.

If I found out tomorrow that I was adopted and my father was not my biological father, I would not even blink. It would mean nothing at all to me, because the fact that he is my father has nothing to do with a chromosome count or DNA matching. He is my father because he was the one who raised me from birth. He was the one who spanked me when I did something wrong, who comforted me when I was scared, who taught me how to shoot a jump shot, who instilled in me a love of learning. He is my father, period. That's why the courts have long recognized the concept of a psychological parent.

But in this case, the appeals court overturned the trial court and refused to apply the psychological parent test to a gay couple. That case has now moved on to the West Virginia state supreme court. The ACLU has filed a brief in that case and it is well worth reading. It should be noted here that there has never been any accusation that Burch is an unfit mother for the child. In fact, the evidence given at the trial clearly indicated that Burch and the child had a strong parent/child bond that naturally arose from their daily life together and the role that she played. So the only issue here is whether she can have that role taken away solely because she's a lesbian and was in a lesbian relationship with the biological mother.

This is a perfect example of how vacuous the phrase "family values" is. Those who use it like a mantra don't really care about families, they only care about certain types of families. Any other type of family, they will happily throw up any kind of impediment they can to bring it down. In this case, that means visiting even more tragedy upon an innocent child. The child has already lost one parent to a horrible accident; he may now lose the only other parent he has ever known solely to appease bigotry. Have they no shame whatsoever?

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I'll even go you one further, Ed...

I have absolutely no reason to doubt that the man who raised me actually *is* my biological father. But he wasn't there for me the way your father was for you. He beat me for no reason, and harshly. He made me to feel as though I was a terrible burden on him. One of his favorite things to do to me, in fact, was to stand in front of me and beg God to forgive him for whatever terrible thing he had done which had caused God to curse him with a child like me.

I agree with you that biology pales next to psychology. Despite the fact that this man is my biological progenitor, he isn't actually my father. Unfortunately, I don't have a father. He's just as harsh and cruel in his old age as he was in my childhood, and so the door for reconciliation seems irrevocably closed.

I'd like to see stories such as mine offered up to this poor kid's woefully ignorant and misguided grandparents as a cautionary tale. If they continue to treat their grandson this way, they may wake up one day to find they no longer have a grandson at all.

Jillian-
I'm sorry to hear that story, but you're right, it is a further illustration that parenting has little to do with biology. The disconnect can happen on both ends. If someone is a good parent, no amount genetic difference can change the nature of that relationship; if someone is a bad parent, no amount of genetic affinity can save it.

No.
In fact they have no shame about this kind of thing; they're PROUD of it.

Using one of their legal orgs, the ADF, they backed my ex's attempt to alienate my two sons from me and intimidate the courts because I'm gay. They were successful in doing that; but my two kids are anything but well adjusted as a result of it. They don't care, they lie about the outcome regularly and use my case as one of their fund raisers. They will destroy this family and the kid, too if they can. They honestly think they are doing the will of God.

Sharon-
Wow. Do you have any documentation on this case? As I was writing this, it occured to me that I should write an essay later that goes through several more such cases where the courts have taken custody away from someone solely on the basis of them being gay or in a gay relationship. I know of several other cases but I wanted to take the time to gather the facts before writing about them. I'd love to write about yours as well, particularly about the role of the ADF in it, if I can get some documentation on it. Feel free to email me privately if you wish.

Ed:
Check your e-mail